Terry Bradshaw Did Not Hold Back When Sharing His Thoughts on Kareem Hunt
The American Film Institute proudly curates lists to celebrate excellence in the art form. We believe their greatest impact is to inspire personal, passionate discussions about what makes a great film and why and, also, to chart the evolution of the art form. Since its inception, American film has marginalized the diversity of voices that make our nation and its stories strong – and these lists reflect that intolerable truth. AFI acknowledges its responsibility in curating these lists that has reinforced this marginality and looks forward to releasing new lists that will embrace our modern day and drive culture forward.
- LIST VIEW
- EXPANDED VIEW
In Chicago, in February, 1929, federal agent Mulligan sets up a raid on a speakeasy run by notorious bootlegger "Spats" Colombo, based on information provided by small-time gangster "Toothpick" Charlie. As Mulligan inspects the lively speakeasy, two members of the band, saxophonist Joe and bass player Jerry eagerly discuss plans for their salary from their first job in four months. The longtime friends begin arguing about how to spend their salary until Jerry notices Mulligan's badge and they make a hasty exit as the raid begins, avoiding the police roundup. Putting up their coats as collateral, they place a bet with their bookie, and promptly lose both the bet and their coats. Desperate, Joe and Jerry visit the musicians' agency building hoping to line up another job. At Sid Poliakoff's agency, receptionist Nellie Weinmeier, incensed over being stood up by Joe a few nights earlier, reveals there is an opening for a bass and sax with a band in an all-expenses paid trip to Florida. Joe and Jerry eagerly question Sid, only to learn that the positions are in an all-girl band. Sid tells them of a job at a college dance in Urbana and Joe accepts, then charms Nellie into loaning them her car for the Urbana gig. Retrieving the car at a garage owned by Toothpick Charlie, Joe and Jerry unintentionally witness Spats and his men shoot Charlie and his men to death for informing on the speakeasy. Although the musicians are spotted by Spats, he is distracted by Charlie, who revives long enough to allow Joe and Jerry to flee. After they evade the gangsters, Jerry suggests they call the police, but Joe reminds him they will not be safe from Spats in any part of Chicago in spite of the police. Joe then telephones Sid and, using a high falsetto voice, accepts the job with the all-girl band. That evening at the train station, Joe and Jerry, uncomfortably disguised as women, check in with band leader Sweet Sue and manager Beinstock as the newest members of the Society Syncopators, Joe as Josephine and Jerry as Daphne. Once on board the train, Joe fears that Jerry's enthusiasm at finding himself among so many women will expose them and warns his friend to behave "like a girl," but in the process, musses Jerry's outfit. Retreating to the ladies' room for repairs, the men come upon stunning singer and ukulele player Sugar Kane Kowalczyk drinking bourbon from a flask. Sugar pleads with them not to report her to Sue, who has threatened to fire her if she is caught drinking again. A little later during rehearsal, when Sugar's flask falls to the floor, Sue responds angrily, but Jerry steps forward, and to Sugar's surprise, claims the flask is his own. That night, Sugar sneaks to Jerry's berth to thank him for his action, then abruptly jumps into the berth to avoid Sue. Overwhelmed by Sugar's proximity, Jerry grows anxious and suggests that he needs a drink and within minutes an impromptu party ensues at Jerry's berth. Joe awakens and is horrified, but gets drawn into the festivities when Sugar asks him to help break up an ice block in the ladies' room. There Sugar confides that she is with the all-girl band in order to escape a series of unhappy love affairs with tenor saxophone players and dreams of finding a sensitive millionaire who wears glasses. Upon arriving in Florida at the beachfront Ritz Seminole Hotel, "Daphne" catches the attention of wealthy, oft-married Osgood Fielding III. Once in their room, Jerry, infuriated at being flirted with and pinched by Osgood, demands they give up their disguises and find a male band, but Joe insists they must maintain their masquerade, as Spats will surely investigate male orchestras all over the country. Jerry reluctantly agrees and then accompanies Sugar to the beach. Unknown to Jerry, Joe has stolen Beinstock's suitcase of clothes and eyeglasses and, dressing in them, goes to the beach where he stages an accidental meeting with Sugar. Joe implies that he is the heir to the Shell Oil company and, captivated by the apparently sensitive "Junior," Sugar invites him to the band's opening that night. Back in their room, Jerry receives a call from Osgood inviting Daphne to a candlelit dinner on board his yacht. Joe accepts for Jerry, then tells his protesting friend that he must keep the date with Osgood on shore, as he, in the guise of Shell Oil, Junior, plans to dine with Sugar on Osgood's yacht. That night during the band's performance, Osgood sends Jerry an enormous bouquet, which Joe commandeers to give to Sugar with a card inviting her to dine with Junior. Afterward, Joe meets Sugar on the pier as an unhappy Jerry talks Osgood into dining at a local roadhouse. While Jerry and Osgood tango to the music of a Cuban band at the roadhouse, on board Osgood's yacht Joe convinces Sugar that a romantic emotional shock in his youth has left him impotent and years of expensive medical treatment have failed to cure him. Appalled, Sugar begs Joe to allow her to help, but after numerous passionate kisses, Joe insists he is unmoved. Determined, Sugar pleads to keep trying and Joe agrees. At dawn, Joe climbs back in the window of the hotel room to find Jerry deliriously happy because Osgood has proposed. Taken aback, Joe tells his friend it is impossible for him to marry another man, but Jerry explains his plan to reveal his identity after the marriage ceremony and, after an annulment, force Osgood to pay him alimony. Disturbed by Jerry's high spirits, Joe urges him to remember that he is a boy, and Jerry sadly wonders what to do with Osgood's engagement gift, an extravagant diamond bracelet. The next day, gangsters from all over the country, summoned by mob boss Little Bonaparte, meet at the hotel under the guise of attending an opera convention. Mulligan is also present and when Spats arrives, accuses him of the murder of Toothpick Charlie and his gang. Upon spotting Spats in the lobby, Joe and Jerry panic and realize they must flee. In their room, Jerry laments having to give up Osgood and Joe telephones Sugar to disclose that Junior's family has ordered him to Venezuela immediately for an arranged marriage. Moved by Sugar's despair, Joe places the diamond bracelet in a box of flowers and pushes it across the hall to her door as a farewell gift from Junior. Joe and Jerry then escape out of their hotel window but are seen by Spats and his men on the floor below. When the pair dash away leaving their instruments behind, Spats finds bullet holes in Jerry's bass and realizes the "broads" are the Chicago murder witnesses in disguise. Knowing they have been discovered, Joe and Jerry dress as a bellboy and a wheelchair-bound millionaire and head across the lobby filled with Spats's men. Noticing that Jerry has inadvertently left on his high heels, the henchmen give chase and Joe and Jerry run into a convention hall and hide, unaware that the mob "convention" is scheduled to meet there. Moments later, Spats sits at the table under which Joe and Jerry are hiding, and in a prearranged plan, Bonaparte pretends to honor Spats by presenting him with a giant cake, out of which bursts an assassin who guns down Spats and his men. Terrified, Joe and Jerry bolt, but as Bonaparte orders them found, Mulligan and his men close in to make arrests. Resuming their disguises as women, Joe and Jerry overhear that the remainder of Bonaparte's men are watching all buses and trains out of town and Joe decides they should escape on Osgood's yacht after Jerry elopes with him. When Jerry balks, Joe says their only option is certain death by Bonaparte's men. While Jerry telephones Osgood to make arrangements, Joe hears Sugar and the band finishing a song and climbs onto the stage to tell her that no man is worth her heartbreak, then kisses her before hurrying away. Realizing that "Josephine" is "Junior," Sugar follows the men down to the dock and the waiting Osgood. As they all board the speedboat, Joe removes his wig and confesses that he is a liar and a phony, but Sugar insists that she does not care and the couple embrace. Meanwhile, Osgood proudly tells Daphne that his mother is delighted about their upcoming wedding. Jerry nervously confesses that he cannot marry him, declaring that he is not a natural blonde, smokes, has lived in sin and cannot bear children, but Osgood remains cheerfully undaunted. At last Jerry snatches off his wig and admits that he is a man, wherein Osgood happily assures him that, after all, "nobody's perfect."
Although Michael Dorsey is a passionate and respected acting coach in the New York City theater scene, directors continually refuse to hire him because of his combative personality and perfectionism. On his birthday, Michael's amateur playwright roommate, Jeff Slater, throws him a surprise party at their apartment. Afterward, Michael helps his actress friend Sandy Lester prepare her audition for the television soap opera, Southwest General. The next morning, Michael accompanies Sandy to the studio, where she is promptly rejected for her appearance. Upon learning that one of his former colleagues received a Broadway role he had been expecting to play, Michael barges into the office of his talent agent, George Fields, and desperately demands more acting jobs. Distressed, George informs Michael that his notorious reputation for being difficult to work with has made him unemployable in the entertainment industry. As a result, Michael returns to the television studio and auditions for Southwest General dressed as a middle-aged woman named "Dorothy Michaels." When director Ron Carlisle dismisses "Dorothy" for not being threatening enough to play the "masculine" hospital administrator, "Emily Kimberly," she criticizes him for his sexist depiction of women. Impressed by "Dorothy's" gumption, Ron and producer Rita Marshall hire her for the role. Still in disguise, Michael follows George into a restaurant to announce the news of his job offer, and convinces the agent to loan him money for clothes, makeup, and wigs until he receives his first paycheck. Although Michael plans to use the $8,000 wages to produce Jeff's most recent play, Return to the Love Canal, he keeps his casting a secret from Sandy by claiming he inherited the money from a dead relative. Michael is inspired to try on her clothes while she showers, but when she catches him undressing, he attempts to cover his actions by confessing that he wants to have sex with her. Afterward, she fears that their relationship will change, but Michael promises to continue dating her. The next morning, he awakens early to groom himself and apply makeup for "Dorothy's" first day of filming. Once in her dressing room, she meets another actress, April Page, and receives the day's last-minute script changes. On the set, "Dorothy" watches uncomfortably as Ron condescendingly directs the show's star, Julie Nichols. She is then required to film her scene without rehearsal, and improvises her way out of having to kiss her philandering co-star, John Van Horn. Although her colleagues praise her for the instinctual change, the actor kisses her off-camera anyway. Later, "Dorothy" watches as Julie and Ron leave the studio together, prompting her to become increasingly annoyed with their boss's chauvinist behavior. When the telephone rings that night, Michael and Jeff argue about how to answer in case the call is for "Dorothy," and Jeff leaves in frustration. Over the next few weeks, "Dorothy's" presence elevates the quality of the show and gains her a large fan following. While staying late for re-shoots, "Dorothy" sees Ron kissing April behind the set, but decides not to tell Julie. Forgetting Michael's dinner date with Sandy that evening, "Dorothy" accepts Julie's invitation to rehearse their lines for the next day. After fretting over what to wear, "Dorothy" goes to Julie's apartment and learns that she has an infant daughter. She asks questions about Julie's relationship with Ron and they discuss the difficulties of being a woman in the 1980s. Suddenly remembering his obligation with Sandy, Michael returns home and removes the disguise before running to her apartment. Despite his apologies, Sandy declares that she saw "Dorothy" entering Michael's apartment earlier, mistaking her for his lover. Michael claims that she is a friend of Jeff's, and Sandy apologizes, blaming her continued bitterness over losing the part on Southwest General. After she criticizes "Dorothy's" dialogue on the show, Michael begins to improvise lines that strengthen the program's feminist message. Consequently, both "Dorothy" and the character gain national media attention, and Michael unsuccessfully begs George to let him audition for other female roles. Instead, the agent invites him to a party hosted by a high-profile Broadway producer, also attended by Julie and Ron. Michael then attempts to flirt with Julie by using a pick-up line she referenced in an earlier conversation with "Dorothy;" the plan backfires, however, as she throws champagne in his face. At work, "Dorothy" chastises Ron for disrespectfully addressing her as "Tootsie," and later accepts Julie's invitation to stay at her father Les's farmhouse for the weekend. As Les grows more attracted to "Dorothy," she eventually escapes his advances by retreating to her and Julie's room, where they share a bed and fall asleep snuggled together. Once back in New York City, "Dorothy" receives a box of chocolates from Les, and Rita Marshall signs her for another year on Southwest General. Michael hopes to get out of the commitment, but George insists that revealing his identity would ruin both their careers. One night, "Dorothy" babysits Julie's daughter while she ends her relationship with Ron. Upon returning, Julie admits that she has very strong feelings for "Dorothy," who responds by attempting to kiss her. Moments later, Les invites "Dorothy" on a date and proposes marriage. Startled, "Dorothy" agrees to "think about it," and finds John Van Horn waiting on her doorstep at home. Declaring his love, he forces himself on her until Jeff walks in and John leaves in embarrassment. Moments later, Sandy arrives, and the roommates scramble to remove Michael's disguise. As she confronts him about his evasiveness, Michael gives her "Dorothy's" box of chocolates, but she finds Les's note attached to the wrapping. Although Michael explains that he is in love with another woman, Sandy believes he is lying to conceal his homosexuality. At work the next day, Julie thanks "Dorothy" for inspiring her to be true to herself, but ultimately ends their friendship in order to extinguish any hope "Dorothy" may have for a romantic relationship. When a technical difficulty forces the cast to perform their scenes on live television, "Dorothy" strays from the script, inventing an outrageous monologue and pulling off her wig to reveal that "Emily Kimberly" is actually her twin brother, "Edward." Audience and crew members alike are shocked by the revelation, and once the camera cuts, Julie punches Michael in the stomach. As the ensuing media frenzy begins to diminish, Michael returns Les's engagement ring and admits that he has always been attracted to Julie. One day, Michael waits for Julie outside of work and apologizes for hurting her. When she confesses that she misses "Dorothy," he declares, "I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man." Smiling, she asks to borrow one of his dresses, and they walk together down the street.
Crazed by the belief that the Communists are planning to conquer the free world by poisoning the water supply with fluoride, Gen. Jack D. Ripper, commanding officer of the U. S. Air Force base at Burpelson, unleashes a B-52 atomic bomb attack on Russia. Ripper prevents the countermanding of his orders through a secret code and makes himself inaccessible by sealing off the base. When President Muffley learns of the unauthorized mission, he summons his council to the War Room in the Pentagon and invites Russian Ambassador de Sadesky. Despite the hysterical advice of Gen. "Buck" Turgidson, who advocates limited nuclear war, the President orders U. S. land forces, under the command of Army Col. "Bat" Guano, to attack Burpelson. Ripper kills himself rather than face capture, but his R.A.F. aide, Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake, who has been locked in Ripper's office, works out the secret code that is instrumental in recalling the bombers. All appears safe until it is discovered that a plane commanded by a boisterous Texan, Maj. T. J. "King" Kong, did not receive the recall message. At this point, President Muffley learns from de Sadesky that the Russians have developed a "Doomsday Device" which will set off worldwide nuclear explosions if an atomic bomb is dropped anywhere over Russia. Desperate, the President turns to his physicist adviser, the paraplegic ex-Nazi, Dr. Strangelove, who calculates that humanity can survive if a selected few take to underground shelters and remain there for about 100 years. All efforts to halt the lone plane fail, and Kong wildly straddles the bomb as it plummets toward the earth. Consequently, the Doomsday Device is triggered, and atomic explosions are set off all over the world.
Raised in Brooklyn, New York, Alvy Singer grows up to become a well-known comedian. As an adult, he encounters relationship problems with his girl friend, Annie Hall, when she starts to withdraw her affection. Annie claims she is only going through a phase and reminds him of how he used to be "hot" for Allison, but then his ardor cooled off. Alvy recalls meeting Allison, an ex-girl friend, at a 1956 benefit performance for Adlai Stevenson's presidential campaign. By 1964, Alvy has lost interest in the relationship. While making love to Allison, he obsesses over conflicting evidence related to the John F. Kennedy assassination, and Allison accuses him of using his fixation to avoid intimacy with her. Alvy reflects that there is some truth in what Allison says—that, like the old Groucho Marx joke, he really does not want to be in any club that would have him as a member. In a happier moment in their relationship, Alvy and Annie Hall vacation at the seashore, and delight in each other's company as they attempt to cook live lobsters for dinner. Alvy asks Annie if he is her first love. She says no, and reminisces about old boyfriends. When Alvy suggests that Annie is lucky he came along, she responds, "Well, la-dee-dah." Alvy is unimpressed with her choice of words, and Annie suggests that he prefers intellectual women because he married two of them. However, Alvy's memories of his earlier marriages are not particularly happy. He recalls meeting Annie in 1975, on a tennis date with his friend, Rob, and Rob's girl friend, Janet. Annie, a sometime actress from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, offers Alvy a ride home and invites him up to her apartment for a drink. She makes him uncomfortable when she observes that he is what her "Grammy" Hall would call a "real Jew," and goes on to explain that her grandmother hates Jews. As they engage in a pretentious conversation about Annie's photography, they are both distracted by their own insecure inner monologues. Annie reveals that she is auditioning to sing at a local nightclub on Saturday night. Alvy tells Annie he would love to hear her sing and she overcomes her shyness by allowing him to attend. At the nightclub, the audience is restless. Afterward, Annie is embarrassed, believing that the crowd hated her. Alvy assures her that she has a good voice and the audience loved her. He proposes that they kiss before dinner, to get over the awkwardness of a first kiss. The cultural divide between them is revealed at a delicatessen when he orders corned beef on rye, and she orders pastrami on white bread. They make love that night, and afterward Annie smokes marijuana. Soon she moves in with Alvy, although he believes she should maintain a separate apartment. Later, at the beach house, Annie wants to smoke a joint before making love, and suggests that Alvy might not need a psychiatrist if he resorted to marijuana. Upset that Annie needs to get high in order to make love, he takes the joint away. As he starts to kiss her, Annie's bored spirit separates from her body and searches for her sketchpad so she can draw while her dispirited body has sex with Alvy. When she argues that she needs marijuana to feel comfortable, he again tells her that it upsets him. As a comedian, he is not interested in getting laughs from people who are high, because they are always laughing anyway. Early in his own career, Alvy was reluctant to perform and wrote material for other comics, but now he has overcome his fears and is successful. One night, he performs at the University of Wisconsin and Annie is impressed with his reception by the students. She tells him she is beginning to understand some of the cultural references in his act. Alvy and Annie go to Chippewa Falls to spend Easter with her family. The anti-Semitic Grammy Hall cannot help but see Alvy as an orthodox Hasidic Jew—with spring curls, a beard, and a black suit and hat. Alvy makes a mental comparison between the Hall family's dinner table etiquette and that of his own raucous New York Jewish family. Later, Annie's brother, Duane Hall, invites Alvy into his room and confesses that when he is driving at night he sometimes has the urge to drive head-on into oncoming cars. Later, Duane drives Alvy and Annie to the airport, and Alvy is petrified with anxiety. Back in New York, Annie accuses Alvy of following her. He denies the charge and says that he was spying on her and saw her kissing David, her Russian literature professor. Later, Annie enters into psychoanalysis, and notes that Alvy's last name is "Singer" and that she wants to be a singer. She accuses Alvy of not wanting to be in a committed relationship because he does not think she is smart enough. He counters that encouraging her to take adult education courses is a way to broaden her horizons. He then contradicts himself by saying that such classes are empty and shallow. After Alvy and Annie have broken up, he muses that he has always been attracted to the wrong kind of women. His friend, Rob, introduces him to Pam, a reporter for Rolling Stone magazine. Although they have little in common, they end up having sex and Pam describes the experience as Kafkaesque. During their post-coital conversation, Annie calls Alvy for help, and he rushes over to her apartment. Arring there at 3:00 a.m., he discovers the crisis is merely that there are two spiders in her bathroom. After Alvy kills the spiders, Annie tells him she misses him and asks him to stay. She inquires if someone was in his room when she called, but he denies it. Later, in bed, Annie suggests that she and Alvy never break up again, and they are reunited. After singing again at the nightclub, Annie is approached by record producer Tony Lacey, who invites her and Alvy to his room at the Hotel Pierre. At Alvy's insistence, Annie turns down the invitation. Instead, he takes her to watch the somber documentary The Sorrow and the Pity, about French anti-Semitism during World War II. With their respective analysts, Annie and Alvy come to similar but different conclusions. She views a day they spent in Brooklyn as the last time they had fun together. He feels that they never have any laughs anymore. Asked how often they have sex, Alvy says, "Hardly ever—three times a week," while Annie responds, "Constantly! Three times a week." At a get-together with friends, Annie and Alvy are offered cocaine. Annie urges Alvy to try it, and mentions that they will soon be going to California. Alvy dips the tip of his finger in the white powder, puts it to his nose, then sneezes into the container, sending the drug up in a puff around the room. In California to present an award, Alvy becomes offended when Rob instructs an editor to add fake laughs to the latest episode of his hit comedy series. Alvy is suddenly taken ill and is unable to appear on the awards show. Rob takes him and Annie to Tony Lacey's Christmas party, and Tony suggests to Annie that they record an album in about six weeks. Flying back to New York, Annie realizes that she liked California, and Alvy that he enjoyed flirting with other women. Each fears breaking up for fear of hurting the other, but ultimately they decide to separate. Later, leaving a movie theater alone, Alvy mentions to himself that he misses Annie, and a passing couple stops to tell him that she is living in California with Tony Lacey. Another stranger asks why he doesn't go out with other women. Attempting to prepare lobsters at the beach house with another woman, things are not the same as with Annie, and the magic is gone. Alvy calls Annie on the phone, saying that he wants her to come back. In desperation, he travels to Los Angeles and calls her from the airport. They agree to meet at a Sunset Strip health food café, where Alvy asks Annie to marry him and she refuses. Being a New Yorker, Alvy is unused to driving. Leaving the restaurant in his rented car, he smashes into several other cars and ends up in jail. Back in New York, Alvy watches a rehearsal of his new play. Two actors recite dialogue from his last meeting with Annie, but art does not imitate life: the girl in the play agrees to return to New York with the protagonist. In the rehearsal hall, Alvy turns to the audience and says he wanted to have his first play turn out perfectly, the way life seldom does. He mentions running into Annie again, after she returned to New York and moved in with another man. He saw her coming out of a screening of The Sorrow and the Pity and considered it a personal triumph. Sometime later, they had lunch and talked about old times and then parted. He is reminded of an old joke about a guy who goes to a psychiatrist complaining that his brother thinks he is a chicken. The doctor asks, "Why don't you turn him in?" and the man replies, "Because we need the eggs." Alvy recognizes that relationships are difficult, but we keep putting ourselves into them "because we need the eggs."
Wealthy widow Gloria Teasdale forces the government of Freedonia to accept Rufus T. Firefly as its leader. Firefly's outrageous public behavior offends Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania, who with the help of his confederate, dancer Vera Marcal, intends to take control of Freedonia by marrying Mrs. Teasdale. Firefly, who also makes occasional love to Mrs. Teasdale after learning of her fortune, has in his employ two of Trentino's spies, Chicolini and Pinky, whose battles with a street vendor of lemonade are more effective than their espionage. Firefly's secretary, Bob Roland, decides that Firefly must insult Trentino so that the latter may be deported, and Firefly handles the job with enthusiasm, bringing the two countries to the brink of war. Chicolini and Pinky attempt to steal Freedonia's war plans by impersonating Firefly, and though Firefly is temporarily persuaded that Pinky is his own reflection in a mirror, the job results in Chicolini's capture and trial for treason. Several efforts by Mrs. Teasdale, Trentino and Marcal to effect a reconciliation between Firefly and Trentino only result in Firefly repeating his offensive behavior, and war is finally declared. Chicolini begins the war on the side of Sylvania but soon joins Pinky on Freedonia's side, and Freedonia's soldiers under Firefly's unorthodox command, eventually capture Trentino and emerge victorious.
In 1874, Bart and other black and Chinese workers are laying railroad tracks under the cruel supervision of Taggart and his white henchmen. Taggart suspects that quicksand lies under the tracks, so he sends Bart and his friend Charlie ahead by handcart to check. When they sink, Taggart pulls out the handcart but leaves the men to die. In retaliation, after Bart and Charlie pull themselves out of the muck, Bart knocks Taggart in the head with a shovel. Later, Taggart meets Hedley Lamarr, a corrupt politician with a financial interest in the railroad. Taggart explains that the railroad must be diverted through the town of Rock Ridge to avoid the quicksand, but both realize they must first get rid of the rightful owners of the land. To accomplish this, Hedley sends thugs to torment the Rock Ridge citizens, all of whom are named Johnson. After the town sheriff is murdered, their stores looted, crops destroyed, people stampeded and cattle raped, the citizens meet in the church to discuss the problem. The preacher encourages them to flee to safety, but Gabby Johnson makes an impassioned speech that Olson Johnson praises as "authentic frontier gibberish." Convinced by the speech to stay and fight, the citizens wire Governor Lepetomane to send a new sheriff. Although Lepetomane, who is distracted by lust for his secretary, is eager to protect his job by helping Rock Ridge, his cohort, Hedley, schemes to turn the situation to his advantage. In his search for a sheriff, Hedley, who is looking for someone so offensive that the citizens will abandon the town, suggests Bart, who was about to be hanged for hitting Taggart. Lepetomane doubts that the black Bart is a suitable candidate, but Hedley convinces him that being the first governor to appoint a black sheriff is the act of a future President of the United States. Soon after, the duly appointed Bart arrives at Rock Ridge on a saddle designed by Gucci. Although the assembled townspeople were prepared to greet their new sheriff ceremoniously, they instead aim their guns at Bart when they realize he is not white. Thinking quickly, Bart points his gun at his own head and threatens to kill the "nigger" if they do not lay down their weapons. Lest he shoot himself, the sympathetic townspeople refrain from intervening, as Bart drags himself to the sheriff's office at gunpoint. In a jail cell, Bart finds Jim, a drunk who is sleeping off a binge, and soon learns that he was formerly The Waco Kid, the fastest hand in the West, before declining into alcoholism. The next day, Bart attempts to befriend the citizens but returns to the office disheartened when an elderly woman shouts racial epithets at him. One night, while Taggart's band of thugs are sitting around a campfire feeling the effects of eating beans, Taggart decides to send Mongo, an imbecilic, animal-like brute, to kill Bart. When the fearsome Mongo rides a steer into town, the citizens panic. Mongo is flattening saloon patrons with a piano, when Van Johnson runs to Bart for help. Heeding Jim's warning that shooting Mongo will only make him mad, Bart proceeds to the bar dressed as a candygram delivery man and hands Mongo a box that explodes when he opens it. While he is stunned, Mongo is chained to a jail cell. Meanwhile, Hedley enlists Lili Von Shtupp, a famous dance hall singer, to seduce and abandon the sheriff. Lili invites Bart to her room after her performance at the Rock Ridge saloon, and proceeds to seduce him, but becomes enamored by his prowess. Later, when Bart returns later to the jail, Jim shows him that Hedley has sent a writ to release Mongo. However, the simple-minded giant chooses to stay with Bart, who was the first man to best him. When Mongo tells Bart and Jim that Hedley's interest in Rock Ridge has to do with the "choo-choo," they ride out to the railroad site. Taggart and his men threaten to kill Bart, but Jim intervenes by shooting all of their trigger fingers. Later, Hedley advertises for "heartless villains" to form an army to destroy Rock Ridge. After seeing Hedley's poster, the townspeople want to flee, but Bart asks for twenty-four hours to devise a plan. The townspeople balk, but relent when he reminds them they would do it for actor Randolph Scott. Meanwhile, Nazis, motorcycle gangs, Arab cutthroats, Ku Klux Klansmen, Mexican banditos, and every kind of Western outlaw answer Hedley's advertisement. To infiltrate the group, Bart and Jim disguise themselves in Klansmen's robes, but Bart's black hands give them away and they must run for their lives. That night, Bart directs the citizens and the railroad workers to build a replica of Rock Ridge three miles east of town that is so exact, the villains will destroy it instead of the real place. By dawn, they have built façades replicating all the buildings in Rock Ridge, but then realize they must also make duplicates of themselves. To provide time to make painted wooden cutouts of all the citizens, Bart, Jim and Mongo delay the outlaws' arrival by building a tollbooth in the desert. When the army of outlaws reaches the tollgate, they are forced to return for dimes and then must pass through, one at a time. The outlaws eventually enter the false Rock Ridge and ruthlessly shoot it up, until Taggart kicks down a building façade and realizes that they have been duped. As a backup plan, Bart has laid dynamite in the false town. When it fails to detonate, Jim shoots the fuse, creating a spark. After the resulting explosion, the townspeople and workers engage the villains in hand-to-hand combat, while Lili distracts the Nazis with a German sing-along. As the fighting continues on the western street, a chorus of homosexual dancers rehearse a musical production number on a nearby movie studio soundstage. When the battle at Rock Ridge escalates and the combatants crash through the soundstage wall, the surprised male dancers join the fight and, in some cases, pair up with the cowboys. The fighting continues to spread to the studio commissary, where a pie fight commences, then onto the city street. Hedley, realizing his defeat, hails a taxi and takes refuge at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, where the film, Blazing Saddles , is showing. Watching the movie, Hedley sees that Bart and Jim have followed him on horseback. Although Hedley gets away, Bart outdraws him in a shootout, and he dies on the sidewalk next to swashbuckling actor Douglas Fairbanks' footprints. Bart and Jim then go inside the theater to watch the rest of the movie, where, onscreen, the grateful Rock Ridge citizens are asking Bart to stay. Bart, however, feels his work is done and vows to go wherever outlaws rule the West and people cry out for justice. Although the townspeople tell him in coarse terms exactly what they think of his florid speech, they wish him luck. As he leaves, Bart encounters Jim, and together they ride into the desert to a waiting limousine. After wranglers take their horses, they enter the vehicle and drive off into the sunset.
During the Korean War, Col. Henry Blake commands the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital (MASH), only miles from the front line. A lax military leader, the married Blake is more concerned with his lover and running the hospital than following any military protocol. Meanwhile, his right-hand man, Corp. "Radar" O'Reilly, who has an uncanny ability to recite Blake's every command before he can utter it, manages the necessary bureaucratic red tape. In crowded and bloody operating tents, the short-handed staff, equipped with rapidly diminishing supplies, deals with dozens of wounded soldiers in twelve-hour shifts. Even the sincere yet ineffective Father John Mulcahey, also known as "Dago Red," must stop reading the last rights to a dying man to assist in surgery. Upon Blake's request for additional help, surgeons Duke Forrest and Hawkeye Pierce are sent to the 4077th. While extremely competent, the recently drafted Duke and Hawkeye lack any respect for military decorum. To maintain their sanity amidst the constant flow of death and mayhem, they flirt with the nurses, arrogantly quip in surgery and play practical jokes on their roommate, the fanatically pious and taciturn Maj. Frank Burns. After watching Burns teach Korean mess hall boy Ho-jon to learn English by reading the Bible out loud, Duke and Hawkeye decide the sixteen-year-old would have more fun practicing with Playboy and then teach him how to make martinis as their cabin boy. Fed up with Burns' pious and humorless behavior, Duke and Hawkeye demand that Blake remove him from their tent. Pressured by the impending arrival of more wounded, Blake agrees to remove Burns and to get a "chest cutter," the doctors' other stipulation before they concede to operating. Days later, Hawkeye and Duke welcome thoracic surgeon and new roommate Trapper John McIntyre to The Swamp, their newly renamed tent. Trapper easily wins the men's affection by providing hard-to-get olives for their martinis, but coyly eludes their questions about his past. Days later, Hawkeye finally recognizes Trapper as a former college football star when Trapper expertly catches a football pass, and also realizes Trapper is a preeminent surgeon. The two then become fast friends. One day at the hospital, Trapper watches as Burns, covering for his own malpractice, blames a patient's death on Private Boone, who is stricken with despair over the incident. Furious about the irreparable harm Burns inflicts with his inept work, Trapper punches him just as Blake and the officious new chief nurse Major Margaret Houlihan pass by. Houlihan is incensed by the lack of decorum and further insulted by Hawkeye's practice of addressing the staff by their first names. After she insists to Hawkeye that Burns is an excellent military doctor, he caustically replies that not only is he no longer interested in sleeping with the prudish Houlihan, but thinks she is a "regular Army clown." One night as Houlihan and Burns draft a letter to protest Hawkeye and Trapper's behavior, they are sexually aroused by their mutual respect for military law. Meanwhile, Radar sets up a microphone in Houlihan's tent and broadcasts their passionate cries over the camp intercom system until the horrified couple realizes that the entire camp is listening in. The next morning Duke and the others taunt Houlihan with her new nickname "Hot Lips" and provoke Burns with questions about his sexual acts. When Burns physically attacks Hawkeye, Blake, believing the fight to be unprovoked, sends Burns away in a straight jacket. Days later, dental officer Capt. Waldowski, famous for sexual prowess and thus nicknamed "Painless Pole," admits to Hawkeye that he has experienced one night of impotence. Believing psychological texts suggesting that his overt heterosexuality is just a cover for latent homosexuality, Painless decides to commit suicide to avoid facing his three fiancées back home. When Painless asks for assistance, Hawkeye suggests the "black capsule," a quick end to his life. Dressed in white lab coats, the surgeons and friends prepare a suicide "last supper" in which they break bread and drink wine with Painless, before he climbs into a coffin to take his pill and die. That night, Hawkeye convinces the soon-to-be-discharged Lt. Dish, a married nurse with whom he has been having an affair, that she is obliged to have sex with the now-unconscious Painless to restore his "health." The next morning, Painless wakes fully restored, while Dish leaves for home blissfully satisfied by Painless. Days later, the surgeons decide to bet on whether Houlihan is a "real" blonde and, needing proof, gather the camp outside the women's shower and pull up the tent while Houlihan bathes. Humiliated and enraged, Houlihan demands that Blake fire Hawkeye and the others, threatening to resign her commission, but Blake instead suggests that she resign. Later, when Ho-jon is forced to have a medical examination to determine his eligibility to serve in the Korean army, Hawkeye gives him medication to cause temporary heart acceleration and low blood pressure to ensure that he is rejected. Suspecting the ruse, the Korean doctor keeps the boy as Hawkeye watches powerless to stop him. Soon after, Trapper receives orders to go to Kokura, Japan to tend to a United States congressman's son and takes Hawkeye with him. Arriving at the Kokura hospital with their golf clubs, Hawkeye and Trapper demand to start the operation immediately so they can play a round before dark, despite the head nurses' protests that they must first have commanding officer Col. Merrill's approval. When Merrill barges into the operating without scrubs demanding an explanation, Hawkeye tells him that he will be to blame if the boy dies from infection caused by Merrill's unsterilized intrusion. During surgery, anesthesiologist "Me-Lay" Marston, Hawkeye's old friend, invites them to visit a brothel after surgery, explaining that the establishment doubles as a children's hospital, where Me-Lay moonlights for surgeries. While being entertained by the prostitutes, an emergency arises involving a child of an American soldier and Japanese prostitute. Hawkeye and Trapper take the child to the military hospital, but Merrill refuses to serve "natives." To prevent any military action against themselves or the child, Melay and the surgeons use the sedation gas on Merrill and take compromising photographs of him with a prostitute to use as blackmail. Returning to 4077th in their golf attire, complete with knickers and argyle socks, Hawkeye and Trapper go straight into surgery. Later, when Gen. Hammond arrives at the camp to investigate Houlihan's formal complaints about the surgeons, Hawkeye, Duke and Trapper, aware of Hammond's football obsession, distract him with the suggestion that they stage a football match between Hammond's 325th and the 4077th, a team that has yet to be created. Hammond agrees on the condition that Blake place a $5,000 bet on the outcome of the game. Needing a fail safe team fast, the surgeons tell Blake to request surgeon Oliver Harmon "Spearchucker" Jones, once a star player for the Philadelphia Eagles. After several weeks of training, the 4077th team plays Hammond. Hawkeye, realizing that Spearchucker is their only real chance of winning, hides his identity from Hammond and keeps him out of the game until the second half. During the first half, Blake orders a 4077th player to inject a sedative into the opposing team's star player, ensuring his removal from the game. In retaliation for a racial slur from a 325th player, Spearchucker coaches his teammate to insult the player's sister, which results in a fight that leads to another 325th player being banned from the game, thus ensuring the 4077th's victory. Days later back at camp, Hawkeye and Duke receive immediate orders to be relieved of their duty and return home. Unsure of what welcome awaits them, the men prepare to leave, while Mulcahy blesses their Jeep from his prayer book and the war continues on around them.
Spoiled heiress Ellie Andrews escapes from her millionaire father Alexander's yacht when he kidnaps her after she elopes with and marries King Westley, a playboy aviator whom Andrews thinks is a fortune hunter. She boards a bus headed for New York and meets Peter Warne, a reporter who has just been fired. Despite their dislike for each other, Peter attempts to catch the thief who steals Ellie's suitcase, but he fails. At their next stop, Ellie misses the bus after going to a nearby hotel to freshen up, and when she returns, discovers that Peter has waited for her, both to return the ticket she left behind and to show her a newspaper article revealing her identity, which she was trying to conceal. After another quarrel, they meet on the next bus, which is forced to stop due to a washed-out bridge. Peter and Ellie spend the night in an auto lodge where they pretend they are married and rent one cabin to save money. Peter informs her that he will help her reach Westley only if she will give him her exclusive story, which he needs to redeem himself, and that if she does not cooperate, he will call her father. She reluctantly accepts his terms while he strings a rope between their beds and hangs up a blanket, which he dubs "The Walls of Jericho." The next morning, they are preparing to leave when they hear her father's detectives approaching. They put on an excellent act of being married, and their fighting convinces the detectives to leave, after which Peter and Ellie board the bus. Meanwhile, Andrews has offered a $10,000 reward for information concerning his daughter. Oscar Shapeley, an obnoxious fellow passenger on the bus, reads about the reward and offers to split it with Peter, but then threatens to go to Ellie's father himself. Peter then convinces Shapeley that he is a gangster who has kidnapped Ellie, and the terrified man flees. Still worried that Shapeley will go to the authorities, Peter and Ellie leave the bus. They try to hitchhike the next morning, and after Peter's technique meets with no success, Ellie quickly stops a car by showing off her legs. Peter sulks as they drive, but his petulance turns to anger when the driver steals his suitcase, rousing Peter to chase the car, tie the driver to a tree and then return for Ellie. Back in New York, Andrews resigns himself to accept Westley to get Ellie back, and they issue a press release. Ellie sees the newspaper article with Westley's pleas for her return, but she hides it from Peter. She insists that they check into another auto lodge for the night, even though they are only three hours away from New York. That night, Ellie confesses her love for Peter, begging him to take her with him, but he rejects her. Later, seeing that Ellie is asleep, Peter rushes to New York, writes his story and sells it to his editor, Joe Gordon, so that he will have enough money to begin a life with Ellie. In his absence, however, the owners of the auto lodge throw Ellie out when she can explain neither Peter's absence nor give them money for the room. Ellie then telephones her father and gives herself up because she thinks Peter has deserted her. As her car goes toward New York, Peter passes it, going in the opposite direction, but Ellie does not see him. On the day of Ellie and Westley's formal wedding, Andrews confronts Ellie, and she confesses that although she loves Peter, she will go through with the wedding because Peter despises her. Her father inadvertently shows her a letter he received from Peter about a financial matter, which both of the Andrews mistakenly assume refers to the reward. Andrews summons Peter to the house, and when he arrives, he presents Andrews with an itemized bill for $39.60, the amount he spent during the trip. He refuses any reward, which impresses Andrews, and Andrews makes Peter admit that he loves Ellie as well. Moments later, as Andrews walks Ellie down the aisle, he tells her of his meeting with Peter and that her car is waiting by the gate if she changes her mind. She does, and runs off again, but this time much to the pleasure of her father. Andrews pays Westley $100,000 for not contesting the annulment of his and Ellie's marriage, then notifies Peter and Ellie that they may marry. The newlyweds go to another auto lodge, where they ask the owners for a rope, a blanket and a trumpet. That night, the trumpet sounds as The Walls of Jerico tumble down.
Benjamin Braddock, filled with doubts about his future, returns to his Los Angeles home after graduating from an Eastern college. His parents soon have a party so they can boast of their son's academic achievements and his bright prospects in business. Mrs. Robinson, one of the guests, persuades Ben to drive her home and there tries to seduce him, but her overtures are interrupted by the sound of her husband's car in the driveway. Blatant in her seductive maneuvers, she soon has the nervous and inexperienced Ben meeting her regularly at the Taft Hotel. As the summer passes, Benjamin becomes increasingly bored and listless; he frequently stays out overnight and returns home to loll around the pool. When his worried parents try to interest him in Elaine, Mrs. Robinson's daughter, Ben agrees to date her to avoid having the entire Robinson family invited to dinner. At first Benjamin is rude to Elaine and takes her to a striptease club, but realizing how cruel he has been, he apologizes and the two begin dating. Outraged, Mrs. Robinson demands that Ben stop seeing her daughter; instead he blurts out the truth to a shocked Elaine, who returns to college in Berkeley. Although Ben follows her and tries to persuade her to marry him, Elaine's parents intervene and encourage her to marry Carl Smith, a student whom she has been dating. Ben returns to Los Angeles, but when Mrs. Robinson refuses to divulge any information about the wedding, he races back to Berkeley and learns that the ceremony will take place in Santa Barbara. Arriving at the church as the final vows are being spoken, he screams Elaine's name over the heads of the startled guests. Elaine sees her parents' anger toward Ben, and realizing what their influence has done, she fights off her mother and Carl and races to Ben. After locking the congregation in the church by jamming a crucifix through the door handles, the couple leaps aboard a passing bus and rides away.
When stewardess Elaine Dickinson gets to the airport to board her flight, boyfriend Ted Striker meets her on her way to the gate to salvage their broken relationship. Ted expects to see Elaine when she returns, but she has requested a transfer to Chicago, Illinois, and won't be back. On the spur of the moment, Ted buys an airplane ticket and boards Elaine's flight despite wrestling with some flashbacks as a wartime pilot. Before takeoff, Elaine tends to a young female heart transplant patient on a gurney. As Elaine hands out magazines to passengers, she is upset to see Ted, who returns to his seat and reminisces about meeting Elaine with an older woman seated next to him. According to Ted, he was struck by a thunderbolt when he saw Elaine on the dance floor of a seedy bar during the war. It was a scene out of Saturday Night Fever in which the jukebox played "Stayin' Alive" as their bodies gyrated in unison to the disco beat. When Ted returns to the present, the older woman in the next seat has hanged herself after listening to him drone on. Meanwhile, Elaine takes dinner orders from the passengers. When a boy, Joey Hammen, asks if he can see the cockpit, Elaine says she'll get permission from the captain. In the galley kitchen, Elaine remembers when she and Ted kissed on the beach as the waves broke over them. Soon, Joey visits the cockpit and recognizes that the co-pilot Roger Murdock is really professional basketball player Kareem Abdul-Jabaar. Murdock denies his celebrity status while Capt. Clarence Oveur makes inappropriate remarks during small talk with Joey. While Ted does his best to convince Elaine to resume their relationship, she points out that nothing will change as long as he lives in the past and Ted has a sudden flash back of when he was recovering from his wounds at an army hospital. Soon, stewardess Randy borrows a guitar from one of the passengers, a nun, and serenades the heart transplant passenger. While Randy sings, she accidentally unplugs the patient's intravenous line twice and the little girl goes into distress until her mother comes to her aid. Then, several of the passengers become ill and the captain tells Elaine to discreetly find a doctor among the passengers. When Dr. Rumack examines a woman, he pulls three hard boiled eggs from her mouth and tells Elaine that the pilot has to land the plane as soon as possible. In the cockpit, Victor Basta collapses from the mysterious illness followed by Murdock. The captain grabs the controls and rights the plane as it goes into a spin. The doctor observes that all the passengers who ate the fish for dinner are sick. As he describes classic food poisoning symptoms to Elaine, the captain becomes ill and collapses and Elaine inflates the plastic automatic pilot, Otto. While Elaine speaks on the radio to the air traffic control in Chicago, Otto deflates and she must manually inflate it. The doctor informs Elaine that if the sick passengers can't get to a hospital, they will die. When Elaine asks if anyone on board can fly a plane, panic breaks out. Meanwhile, in Chicago, air traffic dispatcher McCroskey summons Capt. Rex Kramer to the airport to help with the crisis. Ted is the only one on the airplane with any flying experience. However, he pushes the wrong button in the cockpit and sends the plane into a nosedive. When a woman passenger becomes hysterical as a result, passengers hold bats, boxing gloves and guns waiting their turn in the aisle to put her out of her misery. McCroskey tells Kramer it is up to him to guide Ted to land the plane. However, Kramer and Ted were fellow fighter pilots during the war and a grudge exists between them. When Kramer tells Ted to disengage Otto, turbulence rocks the airplane. Otto wraps around Elaine's chest until she breaks free. Kramer asks Elaine to take over the copilot seat and work the radio. In the cabin, the passengers demand answers. When Dr. Rumack tells them only one pilot is slightly ill while the other two pilots are at the controls, his nose grows like Pinocchio. On the ground, the press surrounds McCroskey and pumps him with questions. McCroskey tells them that a passenger, who is an experienced air force pilot, will land the plane. However, Ted has another war flashback that unnerves him. With his confidence gone, Ted places Otto in the pilot's seat and leaves the cockpit. Dr. Rumack cheers up Ted with a story about a mortally wounded fighter pilot under his care named George Zip who, in his dying breath, talked about the importance of determination and perseverance even when the odds were bleak. George was a friend of Ted's and Rumack's story gives Ted the courage to land the plane. Ted goes back to the cockpit and tells Kramer there's no time to waste. Elaine tells air traffic control the crew is preparing for their descent. McCroskey instructs all emergency vehicles to go to runway nine. Fire engines, cement trucks and a Budweiser beer delivery truck race across the tarmac. Elaine admires Ted's sudden take-charge attitude and tells him how proud she is of him. As the plane descends, Kramer tells Ted to watch his speed, he is going too fast. The plane bounces up and down and side-to-side as it approaches the runway, Ted wrestles with the controls, as Kramer instructs him by radio. Ted pulls the brake out of the dashboard and throws it aside. The landing gear squeals against the runway while sweat pours down Ted's face. Finally, the landing gear breaks off and the plane skids to a stop. The sick passengers are transported to the hospital by ambulance. As Elaine and Ted embrace, Otto winks at Ted and Elaine as he taxis down the runway. Otto takes off in the plane with an inflatable female autopilot at his side.
Max Bialystock, a seedy, disreputable, has-been Broadway producer, ekes out a living by charming love-starved elderly ladies into investing in his disastrous productions. One day, a timorous and neurotic accountant, Leo Bloom, arrives at Max's office to check the books on his latest theatrical fiasco. Max pressures Leo to analyze his ledger books in less than a minute, prompting Leo to panic and rub a blue baby blanket on his face, admitting that he has a minor compulsion surrounding the blanket. When Leo finds a $2,000 difference in the books and naively mentions that a producer could make a lot of money by finding a sure-fire failure, over-financing it, and pocketing the remainder of the investors' money after the show closes, Max becomes excited. He cons the reluctant Leo into becoming his partner in producing the worst play in theatrical history, fantasizing that they will run away with the stolen money to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. After rejecting hundreds of manuscripts, they finally find the ideal script in Springtime for Hitler, a musical comedy about Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun romping in Berchtesgaden. The play is written by Franz Liebkind, an unregenerate Nazi who keeps pigeons and staunchly maintains that Hitler was "a swell guy with a song in his heart." After oversubscribing by 25,000 percent, Max and Leo insure disaster by hiring Roger De Bris, a flamboyant, homosexual man generally regarded as the world's worst director, to stage their play, and Lorenzo "LSD" St. Du Bois, a spaced-out hippie, to play "Adolf Hitler." Max also hires Ulla, a beautiful Swedish woman, to be their receptionist. On opening night, they add a final touch to their scheme by wrapping a one-hundred dollar bribe around the ticket of a New York Times drama critic. However, the play and production are so unremittingly awful that the audience interprets it as satire and roars with approval. Stunned to discover they are stuck with a box-office success, Max, Leo, and Liebkind frantically try to close their show, even to the point of blowing up the theater. Apprehended and sent to jail after a trial in which they are found "incredibly guilty," they soon revert to their former tactics by producing a prison show called Prisoners of Love and selling shares, well over one-hundred percent, to their fellow inmates and the warden.
In Milan, wealthy Mrs. Claypool has hired Otis B. Driftwood to help her enter society, but he merely helps himself to her money. He does introduce her to opera impresario Herman Gottlieb, however, who convinces her to hire tenor Rudolfo Lassparri for his New York opera company. Lassparri is a cad who beats his dresser Tomasso, and tries to captivate Rosa, a soprano who only loves chorus singer Ricardo Barone. Rosa also has an offer to go to America and is sad to leave Ricardo, until she learns that he is stowing away with Tomasso and his old friend Fiorello, who has a mutilated contract with Driftwood for Ricardo's services. They stay in Driftwood's room, which is crowded with one occupant, but bulges to overflowing as the stowaways, assorted maids, waiters, repairmen, and a woman looking for her Aunt Minnie, wander in. When they dock in New York, the stowaways unsuccessfully pose as a trio of bearded aviators, then hide in Driftwood's hotel to avoid deportation. Meanwhile, although Rosa and Lassparri are set to perform Il Trovatore , Lassparri refuses to sing with her because she rejects his amorous advances. Driftwood, Tomasso and Fiorello have a plan, though, and turn the performance into chaos. Tomasso crosses bows with the conductor, the music to "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" is substituted for the opera's score, and Driftwood sells peanuts in the aisles. When Detective Henderson arrives with the police looking for the stowaways, the stage is a shambles, but the day is saved when Lassparri refuses to perform any longer and Ricardo takes his place, with Rosa by his side.
On a dark and stormy night in Transylvania, on the hundredth anniversary of the birth of Baron Beaufort von Frankenstein and fifteen years after his death, the box containing his will is removed from his casket and read. Not long after, in Baltimore, the Baron's great-grandson Frederick, a pre-imminent brain surgeon who insists that his surname is "Fronkensteen," learns that he has inherited Beaufort's estate. Despite his desire to distance himself from the notorious legacy of his deceased grandfather Victor, who animated stolen corpses, Frederick temporarily takes leave of his fussy fiancée Elizabeth to go to Transylvania. At the train station there, Igor, a hunchback who pronounces his name "Eye-gor" introduces him to Inga, a buxom blonde lab assistant and, at the candlelit Frankenstein castle, Frederick meets its fearsome housekeeper, Frau Blücher, whose very name frightens horses. During the night, the haunting strain of a tune played on a violin lures Frederick to investigate its source, and he discovers a secret passage that leads to Victor's laboratory. In Victor's private library off the lab, Frederick finds the violin, still warm from being played, and a book by Victor, entitled How I Did It, that inspires him to recreate Victor's experiments. The next day at breakfast, when Frederick says he will need a corpse with a very large brain, Inga makes the point that the other organs would also be large. After Igor informs Frederick that a huge man is being hanged that day, the following night, they dig up the corpse. Frederick then sends Igor to a brain depository to steal a brain that formerly belonged to an intelligent and good-hearted man. However, during the theft, Igor accidentally damages that brain and instead takes one that is marked "abnormal." Unaware of the switch, Frederick surgically fits the stolen brain into the corpse. With Igor and Inga's help, the corpse is wired to Victor's equipment and to flying kites being used to harness the electrical power of lightning. During a thunderstorm, Frederick has Igor turn on the machines and hopes that an electrical charge will spark life into his creation, but despite the flashing and buzzing, nothing happens. Frederick is despondent, believing that the experiment failed, until the corpse later comes to life. When the monster, who shows a tendency to violence when frightened, almost strangles Frederick after Igor lights a match, Igor admits that he took the brain of someone named "Abbie Normal." Meanwhile, at a town meeting, the villagers are concerned about having another Frankenstein scientist in the neighborhood, as some of them still suffer injuries from the monster Victor created. Police Inspector Kemp, despite having lost an arm fighting Victor's monster, attempts to calm the crowd by offering to talk to Frederick about his intention of repeating his grandfather's work. Later, when Kemp arrives, Frederick has just become aware of the danger he has created and guiltily conceals the presence of the sedated monster locked up in the laboratory. Kemp then returns to the villagers planning to allay their fears. Afterward, Frederick discovers that Frau Blücher has released the monster and shows Frederick that his creation, like Victor's monster, can be calmed by playing the haunting violin tune. Revealing that Victor was her "boyfriend," Frau Blücher admits that she played the tune that prompted Frederick to find the laboratory, because she wants his work to be continued. As they talk, the monster stumbles against electrical equipment, causing sparks that panic him and send him floundering out the castle. Some time later, the monster encounters Helga, a little child who does not fear him, then is beguiled by the music of a gramophone at the hut of a blind hermit. Eager for company and mistaking the monster's moaning sounds for muteness, the hermit shares his meal, oblivious that he ladles hot soup into his guest's lap and smashes the wine out of the monster's hand while making a toast. When the blind man offers a cigar, he inadvertently sets the monster's thumb on fire, causing him to leave, roaring in pain. By playing the violin, Frederick lures the monster to him, while Inga and Igor capture him in a net and inject him with a sedative before returning him to the castle. Believing that love will help the monster, Frederick risks his life to embrace him, then speaks tenderly to him, until the creature weeps in his arms. Frederick then educates the monster and later presents him to the Bucharest Academy of Science. During a demonstration, Frederick shows that the monster is a "cultured, sophisticated man about town" by performing the song, "Puttin' on the Ritz," with both wearing top hat and tails. Although the audience applauds enthusiastically, the success is short-lived when the monster becomes agitated by the pop of a stage light that he accidentally bursts. The audience then boos its disapproval and throws food, further panicking the monster, who knocks down Frederick and lunges at a policeman. As the audience flees, the monster is apprehended. Later, while the monster sits forlorn in a dank prison cell bound by several chains, Frederick searches for a way to equalize the imbalance of the his spinal fluid, which, he believes, will make his creation normal. Frederick also finds solace with Inga, who relieves his tension with sex. Immediately afterward he receives a cable from Elizabeth, announcing her arrival seconds later. Meanwhile, at the prison, a sadistic jailor torments the monster with lighted matches until the desperate creature breaks his chains and escapes. Everyone is concerned about the monster being loose, except the practical Elizabeth. After insisting that she and Frederick remain chaste until their wedding night, she is alone preparing for bed, when the monster enters through the window and carries her off to a cave. Lustful, he initiates sex and Elizabeth experiences such pleasure that she falls in love with him and sings, "Ah, sweet mystery of life." After more sex, she feels abandoned when the monster is lured away abruptly by the sound of a violin. The music, emanating from high up in the castle, is being played by Frederick, amplified by a megaphone and accompanied by Igor on French horn. After the monster struggles up the side of the castle wall toward the music, Frederick instructs Inga and Igor to strap the monster and himself to two separate platforms and hook their brains together with wires. After explaining the importance of having the electrical current constant between them for exactly fifteen minutes, Frederick orders that the procedure commence. During the last two minutes, the rioting villagers led by Kemp break down the castle door using Kemp's false arm. Despite Inga and Igor's plea to wait three more seconds, they break the electrical connection and attempt to lynch Frederick. However, the monster, now able to talk, orders them to stop. Then he eloquently explains that people's hate created his desire to inspire fear, rather than his natural inclination, love. He talks affectionately about Frederick, who considered him beautiful and risked his life to give him a calmer brain. Acknowledging that the situation has changed, Kemp offers his hand in friendship, then invites everyone to his cottage for sponge cake and wine. Some time later, Elizabeth, who is living in happy domesticity with the now civilized monster, eagerly seduces him into laying aside his Wall Street Journal. Frederick and Inga also marry, and on their wedding night Inga discovers that in exchange for part of Frederick's brain, Frederick received something substantial from the monster. She begins singing, "Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life," while, on the castle balcony, Igor plays the French horn.
On the eve of his wedding, Dr. David Huxley, a dedicated paleontologist at the Stuyvesant Museum of Natural History, is sent by his fiancée and assistant, Alice Swallow, to play golf with Alexander Peabody, the lawyer for Mrs. Carleton Random, a potential million-dollar donor to the museum. At the golf course, flighty heiress Susan Vance plays David's ball instead of her own and then, mistaking his car for hers, drives off with him clinging to his runningboard. That night while hunting for Peabody at an exclusive restaurant, David again encounters Susan, who causes him to slip on his top hat, embarrass himself in front of psychologist Dr. Fritz Lehman, tear his jacket and split the back of her gown. The next morning, Susan telephones David, who is preparing to meet Alice with his new possession, a rare brontasaurus fossil, and begs him to help her with her new possession, "Baby," a tamed leopard that her brother has shipped to her from Brazil. David, however, refuses to get involved with Baby until he hears Susan's phony cries of distress over the telephone. After rushing to her apartment, David finds Susan unmaimed, and Baby yearning to hear his favorite record, "I Can't Give You Anything But Love." Disgusted by Susan's antics, David marches out of the apartment, but is followed down the street by both Susan and an unleashed Baby. Thus cornered, David finally agrees to help Susan take Baby to her aunt Elizabeth's home in Connecticut, but admonishes her that he has to return to the city to marry Alice by nightfall. While driving on the road to Aunt Elizabeth's, a distracted Susan rams into a truck carrying a load of fowl, and its cargo spills out and is devoured by Baby. Later, while David is buying raw meat for Baby in a small town store, Susan is forced to steal a stranger's car whose back seat the leopard has suddenly occupied. Finally arriving in Connecticut, David, who has donned Susan's dressing gown because Susan has sent his feather-encrusted clothes to the cleaners, runs into the befuddled, suspicious Aunt Elizabeth, whose married name is Mrs. Carleton Random. Because David has asked her not to reveal his full name to Elizabeth, Susan tells her aunt that David's last name is "Bone" and that he is a big game hunter who has suffered a nervous breakdown. At the same time, Elizabeth's dog George steals David's bone and buries it on the vast estate. While David frantically follows George around the wooded estate in an attempt to discover the whereabouts of his fossil, Susan confesses to Elizabeth that she is in love with David and plans to marry him. Unwilling to leave Elizabeth's without his fossil, David joins Susan, Elizabeth and Major Horace Applegate, a true big game hunter, for dinner. While David carefully watches George from the table, Mr. Gogarty, a heavy-drinking family servant, accidentally releases Baby from his makeshift cage in the garage. Alerted by Gogarty's screams, Susan orders David to telephone the local zoo, but then tells him to cancel his request for help after she learns that her brother intended Baby as a gift for Elizabeth. On the estate grounds, Susan and David search for Baby, harmonizing "I Can't Give You Anything But Love" as a lure, but mistake a caged, vicious circus leopard, which is being trucked to Bridgeport, for their tame animal. After Susan surreptitiously releases the other leopard from the stalled truck, it escapes into the woods and ends up on the roof of Dr. Lehman's house, where she and David attempt to coax it down. Lehman comes to his front door and, seeing only Susan, drags her into his house, convinced that she is deranged. Constable Slocum then arrives on the scene, spots David slinking around the house and arrests him for voyeurism. At the jail, Slocum refuses to believe Susan's and David's stories and arrests both Elizabeth and Applegate when they come to bail out Susan because he is sure they are only impersonating his wealthy constituents. Unable to persuade the dim-witted Slocum of her true dilemma, Susan changes her tactics and pretends to be "Swinging Door Susie," a gangster's moll. Eventually, Peabody shows up to verify everyone's identity, and after Baby and George stroll into the station, Susan, who has snuck out of a window, unwittingly captures the circus leopard. A few weeks later, Susan finds David, who has been jilted by Alice, working on his brontasaurus reconstruction at the museum. After presenting him with his bone, which George finally had returned, Susan informs David that she is donating a million dollars that Elizabeth has given to her to the museum. Then while perched on a tall ladder that scales the dinosaur, she extracts a confession of love from David. Although the excited Susan causes the one-of-a-kind reconstruction to collapse in a heap, David laughs at his misfortune and embraces his bride-to-be.
The wealth and position of the socially prominent Lord family of Philadelphia has made Tracy, the eldest daughter, into an imperious and haughty shrew. Tracy's attitude causes a marital rift with her childhood sweetheart, sportsman and recovering alcoholic C. K. Dexter Haven, leading to a divorce. Two years later, Tracy is poised to wed the pompous and politically ambitious self-made man George Kittredge when Dexter returns from an extended absence accompanied by scandal sheet reporters Macaulay "Mike" Connor and Elizabeth Imbrie. Because Sidney Kidd, the powerful publisher of the scandal magazine Spy , has embarassing information on Tracy's father Seth's affair with a dancer, Dexter agrees to allow Mike and Liz access to Tracy's wedding in exchange for not printing the story on Seth. Although Dexter introduces Mike and Liz as old friends of Tracy's brother Junius, who is living in South America, Tracy realizes that Mike and Liz are reporters. She allows them to stay, however, and puts on an exaggerated performance of a society girl for them when Dexter tells her about Kidd. Tracy is angry at Dexter for coming back after two years, but her mother Margaret and sister Dinah are delighted at his presence, complicating Tracy's attempts to have a dignified wedding. Because Tracy is angry at her father for his affair and doesn't expect him at the wedding, she pretends that her uncle Willie is her father, hoping to make Mike and Liz think that everyone is happy. Though she at first has nothing but contempt for Mike, she gradually comes to admire him when she finds a book of poetry he has written at the local public library. Mike, too, comes to admire Tracy, whom he realizes is more than just a superficial society girl. Liz, who thinks that Tracy and Dexter are still in love, begins to get jealous when she realizes that Mike is starting to fall for Tracy. When Seth unexpectedly returns home and Margaret is happy to see him, Tracy chastises them. Seth then lectures her about her heartlessness, as does Dexter, who gives her a model of the yacht they used for their honeymoon, The True Love , as a wedding present. Confused and hurt over things that Seth and Dexter have said to her, Tracy becomes very drunk at her engagement party and starts kissing Mike after a middle-of-the-night swim at home. The next morning, a very hung over Tracy doesn't seem to remember what happened the night before, but as Dinah and the others start to remind her, she becomes even more confused. When Dexter and Kittredge arrive and Kittridge's pompous reaction to Tracy's seeming indiscretion the night before is revealed, Tracy realizes that she doesn't love him, and Kittridge leaves. The guests have gathered for the wedding, however, and the entire family is waiting for Tracy to do something. As the orchestra plays the strings of the wedding march, Dexter advises Tracy on what to say to the guests and, as he feeds her the lines, she tells them that they were cheated out of seeing her marry Dexter the first time, but they will be able to see her marry him this time. Now realizing that Dexter is proposing, Tracy happily accompanies him down the aisle. Harmony seems to be restored in the Lord household until a flashbulb pops and the bride and groom are surprised by a photographer and Kidd places their picture in the next issue of Spy .
In 1927, fans gather at Hollywood's Chinese Theatre for the premiere of Monumental Picture's latest romantic epic, The Royal Rascal, starring the popular silent screen couple Don Lockwood and Lina Lamont. Don tells radio commentator Dora Bailey that his motto has always been "dignity" and relates the idyllic story of his childhood and rise to fame, all of which is complete fabrication. The audience applauds enthusiastically at the end of the swashbuckling film and asks for speeches from its stars, whom they think are a couple off-screen as well as on, but Don, who loathes his screechy-voiced co-star, insists that Lina merely smile. Assisted by studio boss R. F. Simpson, Don slips away from the cloying Lina and drives with his best friend, studio pianist Cosmo Brown, to the premiere party. On Hollywood Blvd., Cosmo's car breaks down, and Don is surrounded by fans. To escape the screaming mob, who have torn his tuxedo, Don jumps onto a passing car driven by Kathy Selden. She is frightened at first, but when a policeman tells Kathy who Don is, she offers him a ride to his house in Beverly Hills. Although Kathy says that she is a stage actress, who has seen only one of Don's films, she is actually a chorus girl at the Cocoanut Grove nightclub. After dropping Don off to change his clothes, Kathy drives to the party at R. F.'s house, where she will be performing. Don arrives at the party in time to see a short talking picture. Most of the guests are unimpressed by the new phenomenon, even when R. F. says that the Warner brothers are about to release a feature-length talking picture. When the entertainment starts, Don is surprised, but happy to see a scantily clad Kathy jump out of a cake, and tries to talk with her, but she thinks that he only wants to ridicule her. Just as a jealous Lina takes Don's arm, Kathy throws a cake at him, but misses, and hits Lina instead. Kathy quickly runs away, and Don cannot find her. Some weeks later, Warner Bros.' The Jazz Singer is a box office smash and audiences are clamoring for more talking pictures. As Don and Lina start their next film, The Dueling Cavalier, Cosmo makes a crack about all of their films being alike, and Don is stung, thinking that Kathy was right about words being necessary for real acting. Lina continues to complain about Kathy, whom she had fired, which makes Don dislike Lina even more, as he has not seen Kathy since the party. During a break in filming, R. F. announces that they are shutting down production and will resume in a few weeks as a talking picture. Cosmo happily anticipates unemployment, but R. F. makes him head of the new studio music department. Some time later, when a musical number is being filmed for another picture, Cosmo sees Kathy in the chorus. When Don shows up just as R. F. is about to offer Kathy another part, she confesses what happened at the party, but Don tells R. F. that it was not her fault and R. F. agrees. Later, when Kathy and Don are talking, he tells her that his "romance" with Lina is completely fabricated by fan magazines and Kathy confesses that she has seen all of his pictures. Don has difficulty revealing his feelings to Kathy until he takes her to a romantic setting on a sound stage. Soon preparations for The Dueling Cavalier begin with diction lessions for Lina and Don. Although Don is fine, Lina's voice shows little improvement. When filming resumes, director Roscoe Dexter becomes increasingly frustrated by Lina's voice and inability to speak into the microphone, but the picture is completed. When it is previewed on a rainy night in Hollywood, the audience laughs at Lina's voice, howls at synchronization problems, and leaves the theater saying it was the worst film ever made. Later that night, Cosmo and Kathy try to console Don, who thinks his career is over until Cosmo comes up with the idea to turn the film into a musical comedy and have Kathy dub Lina's voice. Don worries that this plan is not good for Kathy, but she convinces him by saying it will be for just one picture. The next day, R. F. loves the idea and they all conspire to keep Lina from finding out. To enhance the picture, they add a modern section in which Don can sing and dance the story of a Broadway hoofer. After the picture is finished, Don tells Kathy that he wants to tell the world how much he loves her, but as they kiss, Lina interrupts them and flies into a rage. She then starts her own publicity campaign proclaiming herself Monumental's new singing star. R. F. is angry, but Lina shows him her contract and he reluctantly agrees that she controls her own publicity. Lina then threatens to ruin the studio unless Kathy continues to dub her singing and speaking voice, but do nothing else. At the picture's premiere, the audience loves "Lina's" voice. Feeling triumphant, Lina boasts that Kathy will keep singing for her, and Don is furious. When the audience clamors for a song from Lina, Don hatches the idea of having Kathy stand behind a curtain and sing into a microphone as Lina pantomines the words. While Lina silently mouths "Singin' in the Rain," Don, R. F. and Cosmo pull the curtain and the audience laughs hysterically when they realize that Kathy is actually singing. Lina does not know what is happening until Cosmo takes the microphone from Kathy and starts singing himself. Lina runs off screaming, and an embarrassed Kathy starts to leave the theater, until Don tells the audience that she is the real star of the film and has her join him in a song. Finally, a billboard proclaims that Don and Kathy are co-stars of the new Monumental film Singin' in the Rain.
Following the collapse of his marriage, TV newswriter Felix Ungar decides to commit suicide in a cheap hotel room near Times Square. He fails at even this, however, and dejectedly makes his way to the weekly poker game being held at the Riverside Drive apartment of his best friend, Oscar Madison, a divorced sportswriter. Felix accepts an invitation to share the 8-room apartment, but his hypochondria and his compulsion for order and cleanliness drive the slovenly Oscar to distraction, and the two men are soon quarreling. Eventually, Oscar suggests they double-date Cecily and Gwendolyn Pigeon, two giddy English sisters who also live in the building, and Felix agrees on the condition that he be permitted to cook dinner. The evening ends disastrously when Felix's meatloaf burns, and he breaks down into a sobbing account of his broken marriage that elicits sympathetic tears from the Pigeon sisters. Finally, Felix's refusal to accompany the women upstairs so enrages Oscar that he restores his apartment to its original disorder and throws Felix out. After Felix departs, the card-playing cronies turn on Oscar and criticize his harsh treatment of their friend. They conduct a futile search for Felix, but he suddenly reappears and announces that he is moving in with Cecily and Gwendolyn until he can straighten out his life. Once Felix has left, the "boys" sit down for their weekly poker game, and they are surprised when Oscar rebukes them for spilling ashes on the table.
Youthful locomotive engineer Johnnie Gray of the Watern and Atlantic Railroad has two loves in his life, his train engine, which he has named "The General," and his girl friend Annabelle Lee. On a spring day in 1861 when Jonnie visits Annabelle in Marietta, Georgia, he learns that Confederate troops have fired upon Fort Sumter and joins the throng of Southerns attempting to enlist in the Confederate Army. When he is rejected because his skill as an engineer is deemed vital to the cause, Johnnie attempts to enlist under various disguises. The recruiting officer finally ejects him, causing Johnnie to exclaim, "If you lose this war don't blame me." When Johnnie is too upset to answer Annabelle's father questions about enlisting, her father assumes Johnnie is shirking his patriotic duty. When Annabelle confronts Johnnie about enlisting, Johnnie tells her the truth, but Annabelle tells him not to speak to her until he is in uniform. A year later, in a Union encampment just north of Chattanooga, General Thatcher and his chief spy, Captain Anderson, make plans to sabotage the Confederate railroad: They will enter the South posing as civilians, steal a train then proceed North, burning every bridge along the way to cut off supplies to the southern troops. Union General Parker will advance to engage the Confederates in a surprise attack on day they steal the train. Meanwhile, in Marietta, Annabelle, who still shuns Johnnie, boards The General en route to visit her father, who has been wounded in the war. When all the passengers disembark at Big Shanty for dinner, except Annabelle, who is in the luggage car searching for her trunk, the disguised Union spies remove the pin to the passenger cars and steal the engine and luggage car. While Johnnie chases The General with a hand-operated car, the Union soldiers discover Annabelle and tie her up. Johnnie is than derailed and continues on a penny-farthing bike until he reaches the Confederate encampment in Kinston, where he convinces an officer to help him find the train. After Confederate troops are loaded into several railroad cars, Johnnie leaves the station piloting an engine called The Texas; however, he is so preoccupied with the chase that he fails to look behind him until miles down the track, where he realizes that the troop cars are not attached to the engine. Deciding to fight for The General alone, Johnny attaches a car with a canon he finds on the tracks. As he approaches The General, Johnnie attempts to load and fire the cannon, but he accidentally jostles it in the direction of his train. As Johnnie rushes to the front of the train to protect himself from the blast, the train rounds a bend causing the cannon to fire at the Union soldiers instead. The Union soldiers, now fearing for their lives, disconnect their last car in hopes of stopping The Texas. Johnnie spots the slowing car and tries to switch it onto another set of tracks; however, the Union soldiers then drop a log across the tracks,which derails the car. Johnnie, having just turned his head, is baffled when he finds the car has suddenly disappeared. As the Union soldiers throw more logs across the tracks, Johnnie runs to the cow-catcher at the front of the train and cleverly pushes the logs off the track. At a changing station, the Union soldiers switch tracks to divert Johnnie, but Johnnie connects back to the main rail. As the chase continues, Johnnie is so absorbed with cutting wood to feed his boiler that he does not notice the hundreds of Confederate soldiers fleeing south as General Parker's victorious Union army advances. When he finally realizes he is crossing into enemy territory, Johnnie abandons his train and runs into the woods to hide. During a rainstorm that night, Johnnie sneaks into a home for shelter, but finds himself trapped under the dining room table when a group of Union officers seat themselves to discuss their battle plans. Johnnie learns that Union soldiers are planning a surprise attack for the following morning and that Annabelle is their prisoner. Later, as the others sleep, Johnnie manages to escape the dining room, change into a Union uniform and rescue Annabelle. They flee into forest, where lightening sends them running into each other's arms. The next day, Johnnie decides they must warn the Confederates about the attack. After stuffing Annabelle into a sack, Johnnie loads her onto a freight car attached to The General and then takes off towards the South. As Union troops began a chase, Johnnie helps Annabelle into The General, then unpins the luggage car, thus hampering the Union car's speed until they are able to remove the car. When Johnnie leaves the train to move a crosstie, Annabelle, unable to work the gears, runs the engine forward and backward, leaving Johnnie behind, until he finally catches the train. As they reach Rock River bridge, Johnnie sets the bridge on fire to hinder their pursuers. When Annabelle accidentally puts a burning log between Johnnie and the train, Johnnie tries to leap onto the train, but misses the track and falls straight in to the water below. Upon reaching southern territory, they rush to the Confederate headquarters, where Johnnie informs the commander of Union plans and Annabelle is reunited with her father. Soon after, the Confederate troops arrive at the bridge just as the Union soldiers attempt to drive the supply train over it. As a car plunges into the water, the Confederate Army fires at the approaching Union troops who are fording the river. Johnnie attempts to help by firing a cannon, but aims it in wrong direction. The blast breaks a dam upstream, flooding the river and washing out a whole line of approaching Union soldiers. Victorious, Johnnie returns to southern headquarters, where he is commissioned as a lieutenant and thus wins the love of Annabelle. When passing soldiers salute the new officer, Johnnie embraces Annabelle with his left hand, freeing his right hand to salute.
Ex-reporter Hildy Johnson, recently divorced from fast-talking newspaper editor Walter Burns, pays him a visit at the office of the Morning Post to tell him that she is marrying mild-mannered insurance salesman Bruce Baldwin. When Hildy enters, Walter is engrossed by the story of the impending execution of Earl Williams, a timid bookkeeper who has been sentenced to die for killing an African-American policeman. To lure Hildy back, Walter lies that his star reporter is preoccupied with the birth of his first child and the paper needs her to cover the story. Hildy rejects Walter's bate and announces that she is engaged, tired of being a newspaperman and now just wants to be a woman. Walter insists upon meeting Hildy's fiancé and invites them to lunch. At lunch, Walter learns that the couple are leaving with Bruce's mother, Mrs. Baldwin, on the four o'clock train to Albany. Scheming to win Hildy back, Walter convinces Bruce that only a story written by Hildy can save the wrongly-convicted Williams. Hildy calls Walter's bluff, but agrees to write the story if Walter will purchase a $100,000 life insurance policy from Bruce. Walter eagerly consents, and while he returns to the newspaper office with Bruce for a medical examination, Hildy goes to the press room at the criminal court's building, where she is welcomed by her cynical fellow reporters, who warn her that she will never be able to give up the newspaper business. After interviewing the befuddled Williams, Hildy returns to the press room where she meets Molly Malone, the only person who has shown compassion toward Williams. Her act of kindness has won her the contempt of the reporters, and when they begin to taunt her, Hildy takes pity on Molly. Soon after, Bruce telephones Hildy to tell her he has been arrested for stealing a watch. Knowing that Walter has master-minded Bruce's arrest, Hildy bails Bruce out of jail and then returns to the press room where she telephones Walter with her resignation. Hildy's farewell speech to her fellow reporters is cut short, however, by the sound of gunshots and the news that Williams has escaped. Hildy's reporter's instincts supplant her common sense, and after notifying Walter about Williams' escape, she tackles Warden Cooley for the story. While Bruce waits in the cab for Hildy to write her story, Walter sends Evangeline, a moll, to frame Bruce, whom he describes as "looking like that fellow in the movies, Ralph Bellamy." After bribing Cooley for his story with $450 of Bruce's money, Hildy calls Walter and demands repayment. In response, Walter sends his stooge, Louis, to Hildy with $450 in counterfeit money. Soon after, Hildy receives another call from Bruce, who has been jailed for "mashing." Meanwhile, Sheriff Peter B. Hartwell and the Mayor confer about their political fortunes. The Mayor and sheriff, who head a graft-ridden administration, need the execution of Earl Williams to deliver the black vote on election day. Consequently, when Joe Pettibone arrives with a reprieve for Williams from the Governor's office, the two try to bribe Pettibone into forgetting the reprieve. Back at the press room, Hildy is waiting for Louis to deliver her money when Earl Williams climbs in through the window. Interrupted by a phone call from Bruce, who is still waiting for her to bail him out of jail, Hildy impatiently tells him to wait and then calls Walter to tell him that she has found Earl Williams. Hildy's call is followed by Molly Malone pounding on the press room door. When Molly sees Williams, she bursts in the room and when the reporters begin to file in, Hildy and Molly hide Earl in a roll top desk. Mrs. Baldwin then enters the room and begins to chide Hildy about foresaking Bruce for a murderer. To divert the reporter's questions, Molly jumps out the window. The reporters run out of the room to examine the extent of Molly's injuries just as Walter and Louis arrive. Walter orders Louis to kidnap Mrs. Baldwin while he makes plan to transport the desk that Earl Williams is hiding in back to the Post . Walter then fast-talks Hildy into writing the story, and as Hildy pounds out the account on her typewriter, Bruce walks in, demands his money and tells Hildy that he is leaving on the nine o'clock train. Hildy then hands Bruce the counterfeit bills. Hildy is still writing her story when a disheveled Louis enters with the news that he was in a car crash and left Mrs. Baldwin at the scene of the wreck. Next, the sheriff and reporters return, and the sheriff begins to question Hildy. They are followed by Mrs. Baldwin who accuses Walter of kidnapping. Walter, agitated, pounds emphaticially on the desk and when Williams responds, the sheriff opens the desk and finds the fugitive. The sheriff then handcuffs Walter and Hildy and threatens Walter, who responds that the "last man who did that to me was Archie Leech." Just then, Pettibone enters with Williams' reprieve, forcing the sheriff to release Walter and Hildy. As Walter advises Hildy to go after Bruce, Bruce calls and tells Hildy that he has been arrested for spending counterfeit money. Realizing that Walter has tricked her once again, Hildy breaks down and cries and Walter calls his city editor, Duffy, to announce that he and Hildy are getting married and will spend their honeymoon in Albany covering a strike story.
In New York in November 1959, C. C. "Buddy" Baxter toils in anonymity in the vast, impersonal offices of Consolidated Life Insurance. At his small apartment, however, Buddy has attracted the attention of several Consolidated executives who "borrow" the space for their extramarital trysts. Buddy, continually assured that he will gain a speedy promotion in thanks for his extra apartment key, endures repeated indignities and spends many of his nights walking the streets, looking up longingly at his own window. In addition, the constant flow of women to the apartment earns Buddy the antipathy of his neighbors, including kindly Dr. Dreyfuss and his wife Mildred, who assume that he is a callous playboy. In reality, Buddy lives a quiet, lonely life, and one night when Consolidated manager Joe Dobisch insists on using the apartment, Buddy contracts a cold while sitting outside in the rain waiting to be allowed back in. In the morning, Buddy works up the nerve to talk to elevator girl Fran Kubelik, who has a reputation among the executives as being hard to get. After spending the afternoon juggling apartment "appointments" so he can rest alone that evening, Buddy is called to the office of personnel manager J. D. "Jeff" Sheldrake, who confronts him about his popularity with the various executives. Although Buddy is worried he will be fired, in reality the married Sheldrake is attempting to intimidate him into lending him the apartment key, and despite his cold, Buddy is buoyed by Sheldrake's promise of an executive position. Unaware that Sheldrake's current girl friend is Fran, Buddy asks her to a play that evening. Because Fran is planning to break up with Sheldrake, she tells Buddy she will join him after meeting her "date" briefly. Fran later meets Sheldrake at a bar and tells him it is too painful for her to date a married man, but he convinces her that he is just about to ask his wife for a divorce. While Buddy waits at the theater, Sheldrake takes Fran back to Buddy's apartment. Soon after, Buddy receives his promised promotion and proudly marches away from the 17th floor's endless rows of underlings into a private office on the 19th floor. Dobisch and the other executives, frustrated that they have not been allowed to use the apartment lately, threaten Buddy's new job but he remains securely in Sheldrake's good graces, still unaware that Sheldrake's constant dates at the apartment are with Fran. At Christmas, the 19th floor hosts a party at which most of the company's employees carouse and imbibe. Buddy is thrilled to see Fran but does not realize that Sheldrake's secretary, Miss Olsen, has just informed Fran that Sheldrake routinely seduces all the women in the office, using the same speech to make each conquest. Dazed, Fran barely listens to Buddy's conversation, and when she pulls out her compact, he recognizes it as the one Sheldrake's "girl friend" once left at the apartment. Upon learning that Sheldrake plans another tryst that evening, a distraught Buddy retreats to a nearby bar, becoming ill-humoredly drunk with melancholy stranger Margie MacDougall. Meanwhile, Fran meets Sheldrake at the apartment and, receiving his Christmas gift of a $100 bill, becomes despondent. After Sheldrake leaves, Fran swallows Buddy's bottle of sleeping pills and passes out on his bed. When Buddy returns with Margie, he finds Fran and, throwing Margie out, rushes to Dr. Dreyfuss to ask for help. Dreyfuss, assuming that Buddy has mistreated Fran and driven her to suicide, excoriates Buddy while ministering to Fran. Under his care, she survives, and they return her to bed. Although Dreyfuss wants to report the situation, Buddy talks him out of it, after which Dreyfuss urges him to be "a mensch ," the Yiddish word for a good human being. The next morning, as Sheldrake is celebrating Christmas with his family, Buddy calls to inform him of Fran's condition, and Fran awakens in time to hear Sheldrake refuse to talk to her. When she tries to leave, Buddy detains her, both for her safety and to keep her near him as long as possible. Mildred agrees to prepare breakfast for Fran, and delivers soup along with a lecture to Fran to forget Buddy and marry a nice boy. Buddy plays cards with Fran until she falls asleep, assuring her that this Christmas is vastly preferable to his typical lonely holidays. Soon, Consolidated executive Al Kirkeby arrives with his girl friend, Sylvia, but upon spotting Fran in the bed, congratulates Buddy and leaves. When Fran wakes and wonders who would mind if she died, Buddy confesses that he would mind very much, and Fran questions why she never falls in love with "nice guys like you." The next morning, Sheldrake fires Miss Olsen, who after eavesdropping on his brief phone conversation with Fran, arranges to meet Sheldrake's wife to inform her about her husband's infidelities. Back at the apartment, Buddy attempts to prepare a nice meal for Fran using a tennis racket as a spaghetti strainer. During a discussion of their romantic misfortunes, Buddy admits that he once bought a revolver and accidentally shot himself in the knee while contemplating suicide. Just as they are ready to eat, Fran's brother-in-law, Karl Matuschka, comes over, tipped off by the disgruntled Dobisch and Kirkeby. At the same time, Dreyfuss visits, and when he inadvertently reveals to Karl that Fran overdosed, Buddy takes the blame to save Fran's reputation, earning himself a black eye from Karl and a grateful kiss on the forehead from Fran. In the morning, he prepares to inform Sheldrake that he will "take Fran off his hands," but Sheldrake announces that his wife has kicked him out so he plans, after an interlude to enjoy his bachelorhood, to reunite with Fran. Buddy's depression is only slightly mollified by the news that he has been promoted to Sheldrake's assistant, with a 24th floor office and key to the executive washroom. On New Year's Eve, however, when Sheldrake asks for the apartment key to rendezvous with Fran, Buddy refuses and quits, informing Sheldrake that he has decided to become a mensch . That night at Buddy's apartment, while he packs his belongings, including the revolver, Fran attends a party with Sheldrake and learns that Buddy quit rather than allow him to take Fran to his apartment. Finally realizing that Buddy loves her more than Sheldrake does, she slips out of the party and races to Buddy's apartment. On the stairs, she hears a loud crack, and fearing that Buddy has shot himself, pounds on his door, only to discover that he has merely popped open a bottle of champagne. As Fran settles down to deal a game of cards, Buddy proclaims his love to her, and cheerfully, she tells him to "shut up and deal."
In his London, England apartment, Ken Pile tends to his aquarium, addressing his favorite fish as "Wanda." He is interrupted when an American woman named Wanda Gershwitz arrives with her "brother," Otto, a Friedrich Nietzsche enthusiast who teases Ken about his stutter and love of animals. When Wanda's boyfriend, George Thomason, joins them, Otto demonstrates his prowess as a weapons specialist, hoping to join George, Wanda, and Ken in a jewel heist. Otto appears jealous as George kisses Wanda, and although he loudly calls her "Sis" upon leaving, he warns Wanda not to let George touch her. The next day, Otto, George, and Ken steal $20 million worth of diamonds while Wanda, disguised as a male chauffeur, waits in a limousine. The foursome speeds away from the crime scene, and Wanda nearly runs over an elderly woman, Eileen Coady, as she walks her three dogs. Ditching the getaway car, Otto and Wanda follow George to a garage, where he stashes the loot in a safe. Later, Wanda kisses Otto, who is secretly her boyfriend. They betray George by reporting his name to the police, who apprehend him moments after he hides a key in Ken's fish food container. Wanda and Otto return to George's safe for the diamonds but find it empty. They visit George in jail, where George and Wanda rehearse their shared alibi. George suggests he could reduce his sentence by revealing the whereabouts of the jewels and naming his accomplices. Outside the jail, Wanda recognizes George's attorney, Archie Leach, and introduces herself as a legal student and fan of his work. Befuddled by her flirting, Archie drives away leaving his briefcase on top of the car, and Wanda tells Otto of her plans to seduce Archie in case George reveals the location of the diamonds. Ken locates the fish food container with George's key and hides it in a treasure chest inside his aquarium, as instructed by George. However, Wanda spies on him, then steals the key and places it in her necklace locket when Ken is distracted. Eileen Coady, the elderly woman nearly killed by Wanda, identifies George in a line-up. Wanda goes to Archie Leach's office to interview him about George's case and learns that George plans to plead "not guilty" despite the old woman's claims. Upon learning that Wanda knows George, Archie refuses to speak further, but she claims not to care, suggesting she came to see him for personal reasons. Archie returns home to his passionless wife, Wendy, who complains incessantly about her upper class life and their spoiled daughter, Portia. While the married couple retires to separate beds, Otto entices Wanda by speaking Italian while they have sex. The next day, at George's hearing, Otto sees George pass a note to Ken before the court is dismissed. Outside, Otto steals the note, which contains Eileen Coady's name and address. He realizes George has instructed Ken to kill the eyewitness, and bets Ken one pound that he does not go through with the murder. Meanwhile, Wanda slips her phone number to Archie, who invites her to his house after Wendy and Portia leave for the opera. Otto follows Wanda to Archie's house, sneaks inside, and observes Wanda and Archie kissing. Hoping to drive Otto away, Wanda asks Archie to fetch champagne; however, Wendy and Portia return home early, causing Wanda and Otto to scatter. As Archie returns with champagne, he finds Wendy on the couch instead of Wanda. She demands to know whose car is blocking the driveway, and Otto appears, introducing himself as a CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) agent, searching the neighborhood for Soviet spies. Although Wanda scrambles to retrieve her locket, which fell on the floor, Wendy picks it up and assumes it is a gift from her husband, as it is engraved with a "W." Archie embraces Wendy long enough for Wanda to escape. The next day, Wanda calls to demand her locket back, while Wendy happily fondles the necklace at the breakast table. After one failed attempt, Ken tries to murder Eileen Coady by sending an attack dog after her, but the dog kills one of the woman's dogs instead. Archie arranges to meet Wanda at a friend's unoccupied apartment, but she is disappointed when he does not return the locket. As the two kiss in bed and joke about Otto's stupidity, Otto breaks in and hangs Archie outside a window until he apologizes. In a third attempt to kill Eileen Coady, Ken misses his target but runs over another one of her dogs. Wanda convinces Otto to apologize to Archie, but when Otto goes to Archie's home, he interrupts a burglary. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Otto, Archie is robbing his own house in order to retrieve Wanda's locket. Otto overpowers Archie, ties his wrists, and hits him in the head, finally recognizing him just before Wendy returns home. Otto flees moments before Wendy enters the room. With a heap of stolen jewelry lying beside him, Archie sucks the locket into his mouth, then sneaks it into his pocket after Wendy unties his wrists. He explains that a thief overpowered him but refuses to stay for a police report, insisting he has an urgent appointment. At his friend's apartment, Archie returns the locket to Wanda. She becomes aroused when Archie reveals that he speaks Italian as well as Russian, but she is disappointed to learn that Archie is not rich. The two undress in separate rooms, but Archie is caught, fully naked, when a family who recently rented the apartment arrives. Later, Archie ends the affair with Wanda over the phone. Otto returns to his house to apologize once again, and Wendy overhears as Otto mentions Archie's fake robbery and affair with Wanda. In a final attempt to kill Eileen Coady, Ken shoots a large block of concrete that hangs outside her house, but it falls on her last remaining dog. Ken leaves his perch in defeat, but discovers on the street that his intended victim has just died from a heart attack. He reports the good news to George, who instructs Ken to buy four plane tickets to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. At his apartment, Ken and Wanda celebrate the triumph before she rushes off to act as an alibi witness for George. Otto comes to the apartment, and Ken offhandedly reveals that the loot is stashed near the airport, but refuses to give the exact location. Otto ties Ken up and eats all of the fish in the aquarium except Wanda, Ken's favorite. As Otto traps the fish in his mouth, Ken confesses the diamonds are in a safety deposit box at the Cathcart Towers Hotel. On the witness stand, Wanda incriminates George by saying he left the apartment on the morning of the crime with a sawed-off shotgun. George attacks her and chaos erupts. Having deduced that Wanda is her husband's lover, Wendy slaps Archie and tells him she wants a divorce. In a holding cell, Archie encourages George to reduce his sentence by confessing and demands to know where the diamonds are. George does not answer himself, but says that Ken knows where they are. Archie sees Wanda trying to hail a taxi and forces her into his car. Although he wants to go to Rio de Janeiro with her, he accuses her of being a liar and admits he has fallen in love. Wanda cuddles up to him and says she has the key to the safety deposit box. At Ken's apartment, Wanda waits in the car while Archie runs upstairs. Meanwhile, Otto jumps in the car and drives off as Wanda calls out to Archie in distress. Archie and Ken follow on a scooter, racing to the Cathcart Hotel. There, Otto and Wanda retrieve the diamonds and check in for the flight to Rio. Before they board, however, Wanda knocks Otto on the head, takes his ticket, and locks him in a closet. Otto shoots his way out and steals another passenger's ticket, but Archie appears and steals his gun. Otto challenges Archie to a fight and quickly retrieves the gun, leading Archie to the runway and forcing him to climb inside a barrel of waste. As Otto readies himself to shoot his rival, Ken appears, driving a road roller toward a section of wet cement where Otto has unwittingly stepped. Although initially laughing as Ken approaches in the slow-moving vehicle, Otto realizes his feet are stuck and his gun is out of bullets. Ken rolls over Otto, immersing him in the wet cement, and realizes his stutter is gone as he yells in triumph. Archie runs onto the plane and greets Wanda in Italian. As the happy couple discusses their future, they do not notice Otto outside their window, covered in cement. As the plane takes off, Otto loses his grip and falls away.
Doris Attinger, a mother of three who is fed up with her husband Warren's philandering, arms herself with a gun, follows her husband to his mistress Beryl Caighn's Manhattan apartment and clumsily fires shots at the couple. Beryl manages to escape without injury in the shooting, but Warren is wounded. The following morning, attorney Amanda Bonner reads a sensational newspaper story about the details of the shooting to her husband Adam, an Assistant District Attorney, and an argument over who is at fault ensues. Adam, who is lovingly called Pinky by Amanda, disagrees with the assertion that she, who is called Pinkie by her husband, was acting out of a desire to keep her family intact, and that society uses a double standard between the sexes in infidelity cases. Amanda and Adam are soon afforded the opportunity to argue their differing opinions in a courtroom when Adam is assigned to defend Warren, and Amanda decides to represent Beryl. Following the first day of a contentious jury selection process, Adam and Amanda return home and settle into their daily routine until Adam tries to persuade Amanda to bow out of the case. Amanda reacts angrily, but their quarrel is interrupted by the arrival of singer Kip Lurie. Kip, a friend of the Bonners, quickly sides with Amanda and leaves after singing a new song he wrote for her entitled "Farewell, Amanda." The trial gets off to an explosive start when Amanda tests her husband's patience, first by calling attention to every prejudicial remark he makes, and then by coaxing his client to admit that he struck his wife and stopped loving her because she got fat. Later, when Adam tells Amanda that he is ashamed of her, Amanda decides to fight her husband with even greater intensity. Amanda's presentation of the case for the defense includes testimony from a number of female witnesses who are called to the stand to prove Amanda's point that there are many accomplished women in society. When Amanda signals one of the women, a circus performer, to demonstrate her skills on Adam, she does a spectacular series of backflips across the courtroom and then lifts Adam off the floor and over her head. The trial comes to a close with a verdict in Doris' favor, and Adam appears crushed about the outcome. Adam's reaction troubles Amanda and prompts her to visit Kip seeking comfort and advice. Kip, however, takes advantage of Amanda's vulnerability and makes a pass at her. Adam sees the silhouette of Kip and Amanda's loving embrace waiting on street below, and bursts into Kip's apartment with a gun pointed at both of them. After forcing Amanda to admit that he, like Doris, is wrong to use a gun to try to prove his point, he points the barrel of the gun, which is made of candy, to his mouth and takes a bite out of it. Adam and Amanda soon reconcile, but when Adam tells Amanda that he will be running for the post of County Court Judge on the Repubican ticket, Amanda asks if the Democrat opponent has been chosen yet.
In 1977, University of Chicago students Sally Albright and Harry Burns arrange to share a ride to New York City, where Sally plans to study journalism and Harry will attend law school. While Sally waits impatiently in her car, Harry and his girl friend, Amanda Reese, engage in a prolonged goodbye kiss. Harry finally gets into Sally's car and begins to snack on grapes. He mistakenly assumes the window is rolled down, spits out a grape seed, and it hits the glass. Disgusted, Sally refuses his offer of a grape, explaining that she does not eat between meals. As they get to know each other, Harry reveals his dark outlook on life, and they disagree over the ending of the film Casablanca. Sally insists that Ingrid Bergman's character made the right choice by leaving Casablanca at the end of the movie, asserting that all women prefer stability over romance. The two stop for dinner, and Harry is amused by Sally's picky way of ordering food. He compliments her on her good looks, but she takes offense, reminding him that he is dating her friend, Amanda. Returning to the car, Sally suggests that she and Harry become friends. However, Harry does not believe men and women can be friends, as "the sex part always gets in the way." Sally laments that Harry was the only person she would have known in New York, and shakes his hand when they part ways in the city. Five years later, Sally kisses her boyfriend, Joe, at the airport. Harry interrupts, recognizing Joe from law school, but he cannot place Sally. She and Harry board the same flight, and he finagles the seat beside her after finally remembering her from the University of Chicago. Harry guesses that Sally and her boyfriend, Joe, are at an early stage in their relationship, and claims he would never take a girl friend to the airport to avoid setting a precedent. Sally is surprised to hear that Harry is engaged to a lawyer named Helen Hillson, with whom he claims to be madly in love. When they land, Harry invites Sally to dinner, but she reminds him of his theory that men and women cannot be friends. Harry argues that a friendship would work since they are both involved with other people, but contradicts himself by predicting their significant others would become jealous. The two part ways. Five years later, Sally meets her friends Marie and Alice for lunch and announces that she and Joe have broken up. The women are impressed by how well Sally is handling the heartbreak, but when Marie suggests setting her up on a date, Sally refuses. Elsewhere, at a football stadium, Harry tells his friend, Jess, that his wife, Helen, just left him for another man. Harry runs into Sally at a bookstore, and the two commiserate over their breakups. Sally asks him to dinner, and he asks, "Are we becoming friends now?" Soon, Harry and Sally's friendship blossoms, and they begin to rely on each other for emotional support. When discussing their dating lives, Harry reveals that he sleeps with women even if he dislikes them, and Sally is appalled. At a batting cage, Harry's friend, Jess, asks if he is attracted to Sally and likes to spend time with her, and Harry says yes. Jess does not understand why Harry refuses to become romantically involved with Sally, but Harry claims the friendship is helping his personal growth. At a delicatessen, Sally criticizes Harry's casual approach to sex. He responds that the women he sleeps with have a good time, implying that they achieve orgasms when they are with him. Sally counters that women fake orgasms all the time, and when he does not believe her, she pretends to have one at the table. Moaning, shouting, and pounding on the tabletop, Sally draws everyone's attention and prompts an older female patron to order whatever Sally is having. On New Year's Eve, Harry and Sally go to a party, and Harry vows that if they are still single next year, he will be her date again. At midnight, they watch other couples kiss and give each other an awkward peck on the lips. Later, Harry and Sally set each other up with Marie and Jess on a double blind date. However, Marie prefers Jess over Harry, and vice versa, and the two hop into a cab together after dinner, leaving Harry and Sally alone. Four months later, while shopping for a housewarming gift for Marie and Jess, Harry and Sally run into Harry's ex-wife, Helen. Upset by the encounter, Harry takes out his anger on Marie and Jess as they bicker over a coffee table in their new apartment. Sally leads Harry outside and discourages him from expressing every emotion he feels whenever he feels it. Harry accuses Sally of burying her emotions and reminds her that she has not slept with anyone since her ex-boyfriend, Joe. Hurt by the accusations, Sally tells Harry he sleeps with too many women, and he quickly apologizes, offering her a hug. Sometime later, Sally calls Harry in tears, relaying the news that Joe is getting married. Harry rushes over to Sally's apartment. She cries on his shoulder, and he gives her a friendly kiss. She kisses him back, and the two make love. Afterward, Sally nuzzles Harry, while he lies nervously in her bed. In the morning, she wakes up to find him getting dressed. Before hurrying out, Harry asks Sally to dinner that night. The two spend the day fretting over what happened, and Sally announces at dinner that they made a mistake sleeping together. Harry is relieved. Later, Harry tells Jess that he and Sally must have passed a point in their relationship when it became too late to have sex. Weeks pass, and Harry and Sally are reunited at Marie and Jess's wedding. Harry attempts to apologize, telling Sally he did not plan to make love to her when he went to her apartment, but he did not know how else to comfort her. She shouts at him for suggesting that he took pity on her and slaps him. Over Christmas, Sally ignores Harry's phone calls. One day, he sings a song on her answering machine and she picks up. Harry apologizes, but Sally refuses to be his "consolation prize" when he asks her to be his date for New Year's Eve. Sally goes to the New Year's Eve party with Marie and Jess, but she cannot face the idea of being alone at midnight and decides to leave the party early. Meanwhile, Harry walks around the city, ruminating over his relationship with Sally. He runs to the party and finds Sally on her way out. Harry tells Sally he loves her, but she assumes he is only saying it because he is lonely. Harry lists off the personality traits that have endeared him to Sally and tells her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Sally shouts that she hates Harry, then kisses him. Sometime later, Harry and Sally discuss their wedding, which took place three months later, and recall the coconut wedding cake served with chocolate sauce on the side, per Sally's instructions.
Wealthy, crooked junk dealer Harry Brock arrives in Washington, D.C. with his brassy mistress, former Brooklyn showgirl Billie Dawn, and checks into a lavish hotel suite. Although he himself is crude and pushy, Billie's unrefined behavior embarrasses Harry during a meeting with Congressman Norval Hedges and his wife, and although he does love her, he considers breaking off their relationship until his lawyer, the alcoholic Jim Devery, reminds him that for tax purposes, he put his business holdings in Billie's name. Jim suggests that Harry hire someone to smooth Billie's rough edges and then marry her, because a wife cannot testify against her husband. Harry offers the job to reporter Paul Verrall, who earlier attempted to interview him. Paul readily accepts, both because he is attracted to Billie and because he hopes to discover something about Harry's operations. Later, Paul delivers some books to Billie, instructing her to circle everything that she does not understand and look up the words in the dictionary. The following day, Paul takes Billie on a tour of the capital. Billie is excited by her lessons in U.S. history, and her simple, honest enthusiasm impresses Paul. Paul's advice helps Billie to reconcile with her father, who does not approve of her relationship with Harry. Paul's disdain for Harry causes Billie to raise questions about Harry's business dealings. One day, after eavesdropping on Harry's conversation with Jim and Hedges, Billie, who with Paul's encouragement has started to express herself, asks Hedges why he puts up with Harry's bullying and points out that Harry was never elected to a position of power. Then, when Jim asks Billie to sign some papers, she refuses to do so without first reading them. This so angers Harry that he hits her, and an hysterical Billie leaves the apartment. She contacts Paul, and the following day, believing Harry to be out, the two of them search Harry's room for the papers. Harry is home waiting, however, and while Billie distracts him, Paul takes the papers. Later, Harry proposes to Billie, who turns him down, explaining that she is leaving him in search of a different life. When Billie reveals that Paul has taken Harry's papers and plans to expose his nefarious dealings, Harry offers Paul money to return them. Paul is uninterested, however, and Billie offers to sign back one company a year to Harry as long as he behaves himself. Finally, Billie and Paul, who have each grown more like the other, get married.
During the Gold Rush, prospectors brave Alaska's dangerous Chilkoot Pass, hoping to strike it rich in the snowy mountains. Just as Big Jim McKay discovers gold on his claim, a storm arises, prompting a Lone Prospector to take refuge in a cabin. Unknown to him, the cabin's occupant is desperado Black Larsen, who attempts to throw the vagabond Prospector out. Strong winds, however, repeatedly blow the little man back inside, and soon after, Jim is also swept into the cabin. Jim fights with Larsen over his shotgun, and after Jim prevails, the Prospector claims him as a close friend in order to remain safe. Over the next few days, the three men live together uneasily, their hunger growing as the storm rages on. After eating the lantern candle, with salt, the Prospector worries in vain that Jim has eaten Larsen's little dog. Finally, the men cut cards to see who will hunt for food, and the loser, Larsen, sets out alone. He immediately encounters two lawmen who are searching for him, and after shooting them both, steals their supplies and travels on until he happens upon Jim's claim. Meanwhile, the Prospector and Jim grow so ravenous that they boil and eat the Prospector's leather shoe for Thanksgiving dinner. Unsatiated, Jim starts hallucinating, imagining that the Prospector is a large, luscious chicken. He tries repeatedly to shoot his little friend for dinner, causing the men to fight. The Prospector closes his eyes and attacks, and when he discovers that the leg he is clutching is actually that of a bear, he shoots it, finally providing them with a meal. Soon after, the storm ends and the friends part ways. Upon returning to his claim, Jim finds a well-fed Larsen, who knocks Jim out and flees but is soon killed in an avalanche. The Prospector travels on to Gold Rush City, where he falls in love with Georgia, a dance hall girl. Georgia's flirtation with ladies' man Jack Cameron precludes her from noting the Prospector's existence until finally, hoping to provoke Jack, she chooses the grubby Prospector as a dance partner. The Prospector is thrilled, but cannot help calling attention to himself when his pants fall down and he accidentally belts them with a leash that is still attached to a dog. Later, the Prospector sees Jack and Georgia quarrelling, and although afraid of the much larger man, bravely fights him. When a clock falls on Jack's head and knocks him out, the Prospector, who did not see the clock hit Jack, is amazed by his own strength. The next morning, the little man obtains food by pretending he is nearly frozen outside Hank Curtis' cabin, prompting the kind man to feed and shelter him. One day, while Hank is away mining, Georgia and her friends happen by his cabin. Georgia discovers her photo under the Prospector's pillow and teases the gullible man by pretending to adore him. Before leaving, the girls accept his invitation to New Year's Eve dinner, after which he rips up his pillows in delight, only to be found covered in feathers by Georgia when she returns for her gloves. Although the Prospector shovels snow for days to earn enough money to prepare a lavish dinner, on New Year's Eve the girls celebrate in the dance hall, leaving the little man waiting in his cabin. He falls asleep at the table and dreams that he is entertaining the girls by creating the illusion of as dance using rolls attached to two forks, but when he wakes, he is alone. He goes to the dance hall, but the girls and Jack have already left for his cabin to tease him further. There, however, Georgia sees the dinner he has prepared and realizes her joke has gone too far. A few days later, Jim, who has partial amnesia and has searched in vain for his rich claim, recognizes the Prospector in the dance hall and joyfully instructs him to lead him to Larsen's cabin, which he knows is near his claim. After the Prospector declares his love to Georgia and promises to return for her, the men journey to the cabin, and while they are asleep, a strong wind pushes the house until it teeters over the edge of a cliff. When they wake, they slowly realize that, by standing at opposite ends of the room, their weight shifts the cabin back and forth over the mountain edge. After multiple attempts, they finally manage to climb out of the house just before it topples over the cliff, only to discover that they are on Jim's claim. The friends are immediately transformed into multimillionaires, and prepare to return to the mainland by boat. Unknown to the Prospector, Georgia is also on the boat, and after a journalist asks the Prospector to don his hobo clothes for a photo shoot, Georgia assumes he is a stowaway and tries to protect him from the ship's guards. Soon, the misunderstanding is cleared up, and the Prospector invites his love to his luxury stateroom, where he "spoils" a press photograph by leaning over to kiss her.
At the Washington, D.C., residence where he has lived since childhood, Chance, an illiterate, middle-aged gardener, begins the morning with his favorite activity, watching television. As Chance flips through channels in the kitchen, the maid, Louise, appears shaken after discovering that Mr. Jennings, the elderly owner of the house and Chance's lifelong benefactor, has passed away upstairs. Chance appears unmoved and continues to watch TV. Aware that Chance is extremely simple-minded, having known life only through television, Louise tries to accept his reaction and makes breakfast for him, as usual. After Louise says goodbye, Chance remains at the house and continues to care for the garden, as if nothing will change. Later, attorneys Thomas Franklin and Sally Hayes, arrive to settle the estate and are surprised to find Chance living there, since there is no record of his employment by Mr. Jennings. Although Chance shows them his bedroom, Franklin informs him that without any proof of address or identification, he must vacate the premises. The following day, Chance leaves the house for the first time in his life. Walking through the run-down neighborhood dressed in formal attire and carrying a suitcase, Chance stops a woman to ask for food, but she dismisses him. He also approaches a street gang, wondering if they know of a garden where he can work, but they threaten him with a knife. In response, Chance pulls out his remote control to change the channel, believing that the images around him are like television. That night, while watching himself on the monitor of a storefront display, Chance steps off the curb and is hit on the leg by a limousine. The passenger, Eve Rand, is apologetic and offers help to avoid any unnecessary repercussions. Instead of taking Chance to the hospital, she brings him to her home, which is equipped with a private medical clinic for her ailing, elderly husband, Benjamin "Ben" Rand, one of the country's most powerful and wealthy financiers. During the drive, Chance chokes on his first alcoholic drink while introducing himself as "Chance, the gardener," and Eve misunderstands and thinks his name is Chauncey Gardiner. At the Rand estate, the servants are waiting with a wheelchair for Chance, now known as Chauncey, as soon as the limousine arrives. In the guest suite, Dr. Robert Allenby, the private physician on staff, examines Chauncey's leg and asks if he will be filing a claim against the Rands. When Chauncey says he does not know what a claim looks like, Allenby is amused and suggests that Chauncey stay for a few days while the leg heals. Downstairs at the medical clinic, Chauncey is wheeled in for X-rays and meets Ben, who is dying of a bone marrow disease. During dinner, Chauncey's peaceful demeanor impresses Ben and Eve. They assume from his tailored appearance that he is cultured and interpret his plain remarks about wanting to work in their garden as a figure of speech from a man who loves nature. At the end of the evening, Eve tells Chauncey that his visit has lifted Ben's mood. Later at the estate, the President of the United States arrives to seek Ben's advice about an upcoming speech on the economy. Ben, a "kingmaker" who has considerable influence over the President, whom he calls by his first name, Bobby, brings Chauncey to the private meeting and introduces him as a dear friend. Meanwhile, Allenby searches through Chauncey's belongings to learn more about him. When the President asks Chauncey his opinion on stimulating financial growth, Chauncey talks simply about the changing seasons of a garden. Applauding, Ben reads the comments as wisdom about the fluctuating economy. As the President leaves, he asks his staff to compile a profile on Chauncey Gardiner and later, in a nationally televised address, the President calls Chauncey an "intuitive man" and uses the garden analogy to introduce an economic strategy. As Ben's condition worsens, Eve tells Chauncey that his presence is a comfort, but Allenby appears more perplexed than enthralled with the new visitor. Immediately after the speech, The Washington Post telephones Chauncey for comments, and the producers from The Gary Burns Show want him to appear that evening as a replacement guest for the Vice-President. Meanwhile, both the White House staff and the researcher at The Washington Post are baffled that there is no background information on Chauncey. On the talk show, host Gary Burns introduces Chauncey as a Presidential advisor and questions him about current politics and economic policy. As Chauncey answers in simple sentences and speaks about the health of a garden, the audience applauds what they perceive as a compelling metaphor. From the limousine, Chauncey watches the telecast of his appearance, which attracts a record number of viewers, including the President. After recognizing Chauncey as the so-called gardener from the Jennings's house, attorneys Franklin and Hayes ponder whether he is part of a government conspiracy, while Louise the maid is shocked to see the illiterate Chance "with no brains at all" on national television. After Ben tells Eve that he approves of her romantic interest in Chauncey, he asks Chauncey to escort his wife to a formal dinner for the Soviet ambassador. When they arrive, Chauncey tells the press gathered outside that he does not read newspapers, but likes to watch television. The reporters are impressed by his honesty. During the party, Chauncey sits next to Vladimir Skrapinov, the Soviet ambassador, who speaks to him in Russian, convinced that he understands the language. Chauncey is also approached about a book contract. When he says that he cannot write or read, the publisher assumes Chauncey is being facetious and not sincere about his illiteracy. Meanwhile, Allenby meets with Franklin, whose business card he found in Chauncey's belongings, and learns that Chauncey introduced himself to the attorneys as a gardener named Chance. Still unable to create a profile on Chauncey, the President summons representatives of the Central Intelligence Agency and the Federal Bureau of Investigation for a late-night meeting at The White House to assess whether his files were destroyed. At the estate, Ben confides to Allenby that Chauncey has put his mind at ease, making the process of dying easier. Therefore, Allenby decides not to share his information about Chauncey. The next morning, Ben refuses any more injections, and on his deathbed, he asks Chauncey to look after Eve. After Ben passes away, Allenby realizes that Chauncey loves Eve and that he is a real gardener, as he always claimed, and not part of some conspiracy. At the funeral, Chauncey wanders off during the President's eulogy and walks through the woods of the estate. As Ben's associates act as pallbearers and carry the coffin toward the crypt, they whisper about whom they will support in the upcoming Presidential election and conclude that Chauncey, not burdened by a past history or controversy, would make an ideal choice.
In 1985, gawky teenager Ted goes to pick up his beautiful, charming prom date, Mary, at her home. He nervously asks to use the bathroom and, after urinating, accidentally zips his pants over his scrotum. With part of his genitalia stuck in the zipper, an agonized Ted seeks help from Mary's parents, who call the paramedics. Ted is rushed to the hospital, thereby missing his chance to win Mary's heart. Years later, twenty-nine-year-old Ted is still single and obsessed with the long-lost Mary. Prompted by his best friend, Dom, Ted hires Healy, a shifty private detective, to search for her. Healy locates Mary in Miami, Florida, where she works as an orthopedic surgeon. While observing her from afar, Healy becomes infatuated with her. He lies to Ted that Mary has gained weight and has had several children by different fathers. By deceitful means, Healy briefly succeeds in dating Mary, before her close friend, a disabled architect named Tucker, reveals him to be a liar. Healy follows Tucker, and discovers he is actually Norm Phipps, a pizza delivery man posing as a disabled architect in the hope that Mary will fall in love with him. Back in Rhode Island, Ted decides to reunite with Mary regardless of Healy's negative report. On the drive down, he gives a ride to a serial murderer, thinking he is an innocent hitchhiker. While stopped at a rest stop, the killer leaves the body of his latest victim in Ted's car. Upon discovering the body, police arrest Ted for the murder. Dom arrives to bail him out, and the police apprehend the actual murderer. Arriving in Miami, Ted finally gets his chance to woo Mary. Their relationship develops in a promising way until Mary receives an anonymous letter that exposes Ted's link to Healy. She breaks up with him, and is soon pursued by Dom, who, unbeknownst to Ted, happens to be Mary's ex-boyfriend, "Woogie." Mary, who previously got a restraining order against Dom, rejects his advances. They are joined by Ted, Norm (a.k.a. "Tucker"), and Healy. With all of them in a room together, it becomes apparent to Ted that Mary's only upstanding boyfriend was National Football League (NFL) player Brett Favre, and that her and Brett's relationship was unfairly sabotaged by Norm. Ted selflessly brings Mary and Brett back together. However, as he is about to leave Miami, Mary chooses Ted over Brett.
When an employee of the New York City Public Library is terrorized by an unseen phantom, library administrator Roger Delacorte consults Columbia University parapsychologists Raymond "Ray" Stantz, Peter Venkman, and Egon Spengler. Following readings from a Psychokinetic Energy Meter, the trio encounters their first free-floating apparition in the form of an elderly librarian. Unsure how to proceed, they creep toward the ghost, which frightens them away. Afterward, Peter, Ray, and Egon return to their office at Columbia to discover that their funding has been revoked. Although Ray is concerned about their academic reputations, Peter suggests they seize the opportunity to open their own business as paranormal exterminators. Taking out a mortgage on Ray's ancestral home, the three friends purchase a dilapidated firehouse and dub themselves the "Ghostbusters." Across town, concert cellist Dana Barrett returns to her Central Park West penthouse apartment while dodging the awkward romantic advances of her neighbor, Louis Tully. As she unpacks groceries, several eggs leap from their carton and begin cooking on the counter. A low growl suddenly emits from the refrigerator, where she finds a dog-like demon that snarls the word "Zuul." After seeing the Ghostbusters' commercial on television, Dana visits their new headquarters to tell them about her experience. Instantly smitten, Peter volunteers to search Dana's apartment while Ray and Egon refer to their usual resources for clues. Although Dana coldly rebuffs his overtures, Peter remains determined to win her affection by solving the case. That night, as the Ghostbusters celebrate their first client, secretary Janine Melnitz receives a call complaining of a ghost prowling the twelfth floor of the upscale Sedgewick Hotel. With portable particle accelerators strapped to their backs, the Ghostbusters follow the slimy green phantom to the hotel's main ballroom as it gluttonously searches for food. Although they triumphantly harness and trap the ghost using beams of positively charged ions, Egon warns that crossing the energy streams could have devastating effects. Once news of their first "bust" reaches the media, the Ghostbusters quickly gain national fame and hire Winston Zeddemore as a fourth team member to help manage their increased workload. Their public profile rouses several skeptics, including Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) agent Walter Peck, who is wary of the Ghostbusters' unlicensed methods for storing the captured ghosts. Meanwhile, Peter arrives at Dana's apartment for a date and finds that she has been possessed by Zuul, a demonic minion of the sadistic Sumerian god, Gozer. Also known as the "Gatekeeper," Zuul repeatedly asks for "Keymaster" Vinz Clortho, who has taken possession of Louis Tully. Police find Vinz prowling the streets and bring the demon to Ghostbusters headquarters, where Egon determines that Vinz and Zuul should be kept apart. Early the next morning, Walter Peck returns with a court order to search the firehouse and shut down the Ghostbusters' containment unit. Ignoring their warnings, Peck's man powers down the protection grid, causing an explosion that releases hundreds of ghosts back into the city. Amid the commotion, Vinz escapes and reunites with Zuul on the roof of Dana and Louis's building. In prison, Ray studies the blueprints of Dana's apartment and reveals that the building was designed by Ivo Shandor, a Gozer worshipper who performed bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world. During a meeting with the mayor, the Ghosbusters warn of the impending danger, pleading for the opportunity to prove themselves and save New York City. He agrees, and the Ghostbusters arrive at the condemned apartment just as a black storm cloud appears overhead. Encouraged by a cheering crowd, the four men climb to the roof, which Vinz and Zuul have transformed into a gateway to another dimension. Suddenly, Gozer emerges, assuming the appearance of an androgynous woman. When the Ghostbusters' equipment proves powerless to its tricks, Gozer allows the men to choose its next physical form. Although Peter encourages his friends to keep their minds blank, Ray accidentally recalls the image of the beloved mascot for Stay Puft Marshmallows. Moments later, a one-hundred-foot manifestation of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man lumbers through the streets and begins to scale the building. Fearing for their lives, Egon reconsiders his original warning and suggests they cross their proton streams in order to generate a positive energy influx big enough to destroy the gateway. The plan succeeds, creating a massive explosion that detonates the Marshmallow Man and covers the city in sticky white sludge. Unharmed, Dana and Louis emerge from their possessed daze and accompany the Ghostbusters downstairs to greet their adoring fans.
In 1982, British heavy metal rock band, Spinal Tap, arrives in New York City on a promotional tour for Smell the Glove, their first album in several years, and documentarian Marty DiBergi films them. In an interview with Marty, founding band members and childhood friends, Nigel Tufnel and David St. Hubbins, describe their formation in 1964. Although they first called themselves The Originals, the musicians changed their name to The New Originals to distinguish themselves from another band with the same name, but later became The Thamesmen. Nigel, David and bass player Derek Smalls explain the strange deaths of their past drummers. At the tour's opening night party, Spinal Tap is greeted by hostess Bobbi Flekman, an "Artist Relations" manager at Polymer Records, and she introduces them to the label's president, Sir Denis Eton-Hogg. The next day, as Spinal Tap is chauffeured through the city, David demands to know when Smell the Glove will be released, but their manager, Ian Faith, dodges the question by mentioning a New York Times review. Ian claims that Polymer is focusing its distribution efforts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, instead of New York, because it is a "rock 'n roll town." At Fidelity Hall in Philadelphia, the band performs "Big Bottom" to a cheering crowd. Later, as the band attends a recording industry convention in Atlanta, Georgia, Ian again evades Spinal Tap's inquiries about their album. Ian adds that the cancellation of their show in Boston, Massachusetts, is negligible because "it's not a big college town." Hosting another cocktail party for the band, Bobbi tells Ian that Polymer is offended by Spinal Tap's record cover design, which portrays a naked woman on all fours, chained to a leash, with a glove shoved in her face. After a phone call from Eton-Hogg, Ian informs the band that the release of Smell the Glove has been cancelled because of its "sexist" cover. Bewildered, Nigel questions "what's wrong with being sexy," but Bobbi argues that Polymer has no leverage with big retail chains such as Sears and Kmart, who are boycotting the album, because Spinal Tap's past records were not successful. Fielding Spinal Tap's protests, Bobbi promises to work out a compromise with Eton-Hogg. At their next performance, Nigel complains to Ian about the snack food backstage. During the show, Nigel leans backwards playing a solo in the song "Hell Hole" and a roadie helps him to his feet. In an interview with Marty, Nigel shows the filmmaker his guitar collection and custom Marshall amplifiers that surpass the maximum volume of "ten" and "go to eleven." At a hotel in Memphis, Tennessee, Spinal Tap discovers their reservations have been downgraded and, in the lobby, they are snubbed by fellow rocker, Duke Fame, who attracts the attention of girls David presumes are Spinal Tap fans. When Duke's promoter brushes them off, Spinal Tap complains that the rocker's album cover is just as exploitative as theirs, but Ian explains it is permissible because Duke is tied up as the "victim," not the girls. Ian then announces that the Memphis show is cancelled because of "lack of advertising funds." When Marty interviews Ian about the declining popularity of Spinal Tap, the manager argues that their "appeal is becoming more selective." On a phone call with his girlfriend, Jeanine Pettibone, David conveys that more shows have been called off, but he is delighted to learn she will join them for the remainder of the tour. Nigel, however, is displeased by the news and becomes further downtrodden when a radio disc jockey plays a Thamesmen song and announces that Spinal Tap is in the "'Where are they now?' file." In an interview, Spinal Tap discusses their 1967 hit single, "Listen to the Flower People" and the spontaneous combustion of their drummer. During a sound check at Shank Hall in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Jeanine surprises David with her arrival and Ian presents the band with long-awaited, pressed copies of Smell the Glove. Displeased that the cover is devoid of an image, David complains that its color is depressing and Nigel says that it is "none more black," but Ian encourages the musicians to persevere. However, Spinal Tap's next show is besieged with absurd technical problems. In a Chicago, Illinois, Holiday Inn hotel room, the band meets the Midwestern promoter for Polymer, Artie Fufkin, but when he takes them to a record store album-signing event, no one attends. Later, at the Xanadu Star Theater in Cleveland, Ohio, the band gets lost backstage. At a diner, the band tells Ian that the black album cover has been a curse and, in an effort to improve their image, David presents Jeanine's drawings for Zodiac sign costumes. Disparaging her ideas, Nigel uses a napkin to design a Stonehenge stage prop and Ian says he will have it constructed. Before the Austin, Texas, show, however, Ian realizes Nigel's drawing specified a height of eighteen inches instead of eighteen feet, but he compensates for the discrepancy by hiring two little people to dance around the Stonehenge prop and the musicians are outraged. After the show, David berates Ian for turning their performance into a farce; and, when he suggests that Jeanine co-manage the band, Ian quits. During a recording session, Nigel blames David's poor concentration on Jeanine and after the band arrives in Seattle, Washington, Nigel becomes more enraged when he learns she booked their concert at Lindbergh Air Force base. There, Lt. Hookstratten tells Spinal Tap that the base is celebrating an "at ease weekend," but the audience is disturbed by the band's performance of "Sex Farm." When Nigel's wireless amplifier picks up a radio feed, he throws his guitar down and storms off stage. Later, as Jeanine looks for Nigel's replacement, David tells Marty that he will never again play with his lifelong friend. Spinal Tap arrives at Themeland Amusement Park in Stockton, California, to discover they are second billed to a puppet show and decide to improvise a set under the name "Jazz Odyssey." At the end-of-the-tour party, David refuses to admit Spinal Tap is finished, but Derek suggests that they focus on different projects. Before the last show, Nigel appears backstage with a message from Ian. "Sex Farm" has hit the charts in Japan and Ian suggests the band re-form for a Japanese tour. Although David shrugs him off, he later invites Nigel to join him onstage while the band performs "Tonight I'm Gonna Rock It Tonight." Despite radio interference on his amplifier, Nigel plays his trademark solo. At Kobe Hall in Tokyo, Japan, Spinal Tap performs for a sold-out audience with a new drummer.
After overcoming an attack of pre-nuptial nerves, Mortimer Brewster, New York theatrical critic, confirmed bachelor and author of millions of words against marriage, weds Elaine Harper, a minister's daughter, on Halloween Day. On their way to their Niagara Falls honeymoon, Mortimer and Elaine stop in Brooklyn, where Elaine's father lives next to Mortimer's two maiden aunts and uncle. While Elaine breaks the news of her marriage to her conservative father, Mortimer drops in on his aunts, Abby and Martha. In his aunts' living room, Mortimer searches for notes on his latest book, Mind Over Matrimony , and discovers a corpse in his aunts' window seat. Immediately Mortimer assumes that his deranged uncle, who believes himself to be Teddy Roosevelt, is responsible. To his horror, however, Abby and Martha calmly take credit for murdering Mr. Hoskins and later confess to killing not only Mr. Hoskins but eleven other men, all of whom are now buried in the cellar. Stricken by the story of his aunts' murderous past, which began when an elderly visitor suffered a fatal heart attack in their parlor and inspired them with his peaceful repose, Mortimer tries to point out the error of their killing ways. Instead, Abby and Martha insist that luring lonely men into their home with a "room for rent" sign and serving them elderberry wine laced with arsenic and other poisons is a charitable service. While Mortimer frantically tries to have his uncle, whose lunacy is well-known in Brooklyn, committed to a sanitarium as a means of clearing his aunts of any future blame, Gibbs, another would-be renter, arrives at the house. After preventing Gibbs from taking the fatal sip of elderberry wine, Mortimer leaves to see Judge Cullman, whose signature he needs for "Teddy's" commitment papers. In his absence, Mortimer's criminally insane brother Jonathan, recently escaped from an Indiana asylum, and Dr. Einstein, a drunken underworld plastic surgeon, show up unexpectedly at the house. Unknown to the aunts, Jonathan, whose face Dr. Einstein accidentally altered to resemble Boris Karloff's, has brought along his own murder victim, Mr. Spenalzo. Against his sisters' wishes, Teddy, who has been told by Abby and Martha that Mr. Hoskins, like their other victims, is a yellow fever casualty and must be buried immediately in a "lock" of the "Panama Canal," invites Dr. Einstein to inspect his newly dug hole in the cellar. Dr. Einstein concludes that the "lock" would be an ideal resting place for Mr. Spenalzo, and after Jonathan forces his aunts to retire early, the two criminals move Mr. Spenalzo into the living room, just as Teddy carries Mr. Hoskins to the cellar. Before Jonathan and Dr. Einstein are able to get Mr. Spenalzo into the basement, however, Elaine shows up, forcing them to deposit the corpse in the now vacant window seat. The ever paranoid Jonathan then tries to drag Elaine to the cellar but is stopped by the return of Mortimer. Oblivious to Elaine's distress over Jonathan, Mortimer sends her back home, then after failing to intimidate Jonathan into leaving, finds Mr. Spenalzo's body in the window seat. Although Mortimer first accuses Abby of the deed, Jonathan reveals himself as the culprit when he rushes to sit on the window seat as his aunts are about to open it. Before Mortimer is able to act on his discovery, O'Hara, the new neighborhood policeman, arrives at the door. On the promise that he will discuss O'Hara's autobiographical play with him later that night, Mortimer rids himself of the policeman, but then is confronted by Dr. Einstein, who, while disposing of Mr. Spenalzo's body, stumbled on Mr. Hoskins' corpse in his cellar grave. After Jonathan and his aunts argue about who has the more impressive murder record, Mortimer obtains the second needed signature for Teddy's commitment papers from Dr. Gilchrist and confesses to a confused Elaine about his family's insanity. Determined to do away with his brother, Jonathan ties up and gags Mortimer and is about to kill him when O'Hara returns, having received complaints about Teddy's noisy bugle calls. Seeing Mortimer bound and gagged, O'Hara proceeds to recite the action of his play, while Jonathan lies behind him, unconscious from an accidental blow by Dr. Einstein. When Jonathan revives, he assumes that O'Hara and his partner Brophy are after him and unwittingly reveals that he is a fugitive. Eventually O'Hara's superior, Lieutenant Rooney, shows up and listens in disbelief as Jonathan and his aunts tell him matter-of-factly about the thirteen dead men in the cellar. After Jonathan is arrested and Dr. Einstein slips away, Mr. Witherspoon of the Happy Dale Sanitarium comes for Teddy, only to hear that Martha and Abby, who are anxious to stay near their brother, want to go, too. Just before parting, Abby reveals to Mortimer that he is not really their next of kin but is the adopted son of a sea cook. Overjoyed, Mortimer rushes to tell Elaine, who has since discovered Mr. Spenalzo and Mr. Hoskins for herself, the good news about his parentage and to resume at last their honeymoon plans.
At a Tempe, Arizona, police station, H. I. McDunnough flirts with a female police officer named Ed as she takes his mug shots. Although H. I. is paroled from his prison sentence, he is arrested again for robbing a convenience store and, back at the police station, he learns that Ed's fiancé has left her. After a third parole and subsequent robbery, H. I. slips a ring on Ed's finger as she takes his fingerprints and reassures her that it was not stolen. When H. I. is released from prison, the couple marries. They move into a trailer in the desert and H. I. finds work at a sheet metal factory. Although he and Ed enjoy married life, Ed longs for a child and is devastated to learn she is "barren." The couple tries to adopt, but they are rejected as suitable parents because of H. I.'s criminal record. While Ed falls into a depression and quits the police force, H. I. finds himself driving past convenience stores, longing for his past life. Back at the trailer, Ed and H. I. see a newscast about the birth of quintuplets to Florence Arizona and her husband, Nathan Arizona, the owner of a successful furniture store called Unpainted Arizona. The couple decides to kidnap one of the "Arizona Quints" to fulfill their dream of becoming a family. At the Arizona household, Nathan takes a business call and Florence reads Dr. Spock's Baby and Child Care while H. I. breaks into the nursery. As he takes the boys from their crib, mayhem ensues. Concerned by the noise, Florence checks the babies and H. I. returns to the car empty-handed. When Ed insists he try again, H. I. procures Nathan Junior and Florence's Dr. Spock book for "instructions." Although Ed hesitates, the couple returns home to the trailer, which they have decorated to celebrate the arrival of their new son. As H. I. sets up a family photograph, Ed says she is anxious about their parental responsibilities and asks H. I. for his complete cooperation. Meanwhile, H. I.'s prison friends, brothers Gale Snoats and Evelle Snoats, emerge from the mud outside of the penitentiary after a successful escape. Stealing a car, the brothers drive to H. I.'s trailer. Although H. I. is happy to see his friends, Ed realizes the brothers are escaped convicts and insists they leave. When Gale Snoats suggests H. I. is submissive to his wife, H. I. permits them to stay and promises Ed it will only be for a few days. That night, H. I. has an apparition of a menacing motorcyclist that kills innocent creatures in his path named Leonard Smalls. Fearing that Smalls is a physical manifestation of his inner demon, H. I. worries that he unleashed the monster by kidnapping Nathan Junior. At the Arizona home, Nathan gives a press conference and assures the public that Unpainted Arizona is still open for business. Meanwhile, highway patrol officers discover the Snoats brothers' tunnel and Smalls, a bounty hunter, follows their trail. Back at the McDunnough trailer, H. I. asks the brothers to leave for the afternoon because they are entertaining company and, later, H. I.'s work supervisor, Glen, and his wife, Dot, arrive with their throng of rambunctious children. Preparing lunch, Dot overwhelms the new parents with a frenzied description of a baby's needs. Later, H. I. confesses his apprehension to Glen, but when Glen suggests they swap wives, H. I. breaks his nose. Without knowing the reason for her husband's actions, Ed later berates H. I. for jeopardizing his job. Pulling into a convenience store, H. I. relieves his anxiety by attempting to steal diapers and cash, but Ed sees him from the parking lot and drives away in anger. As the police arrive, H. I. runs from the scene, dropping the diapers, and when Ed hears gunshots, she turns around to save her husband. Chased by the police, H. I. heads to a supermarket for more diapers, but uses them to repel an officer. Dodging bullets, H. I. races to the parking lot, where Ed screeches to halt. As she drives away with her husband, Ed tells him that his criminal tendencies are not appropriate for family life. However, H. I. insists she must accept him and leans out of the speeding vehicle to collect the stolen diapers he dropped. Back at the trailer, Ed orders Gale and Evelle to leave the following morning. When she retires, Gale suggests that the couple's marital friction might be resolved by financial security and proposes that H. I. help them rob a bank. Showing H. I. a newspaper clipping, the brothers explain that all the local farmers will be cashing in their subsidy checks the following day. Although H. I. is hesitant to defy Ed, Gale convinces his friend that he is not being true to himself by living a straight life. Late that night, H. I. writes a farewell letter to Ed, claiming that he cannot be a responsible parent. Meanwhile, Smalls drives to the trailer, camps outside, and hears the cries of Nathan Junior. The next day, Smalls barges into Nathan Arizona's office and describes himself as a man hunter. He claims that Nathan's $25,000 reward is not commensurate with the market value of a baby and offers to return the child for $50,000. When Smalls threatens to sell the boy on the black market, Nathan suspects him of being the kidnapper and calls the police, but Smalls disappears. Meanwhile, Glen arrives at the McDunnough trailer to fire H. I. and announces his discovery that the baby was kidnapped. Instead of returning Nathan Junior for the reward, Glen has decided to keep the baby and gives H. I. one day to inform Ed. Meanwhile, the Snoats overhear Glen's threats and decide to take the baby, themselves. After H. I. fights Gale, the brothers tie him up and take Nathan Junior, along with the Dr. Spock book. On the road, Evelle robs a grocery store for diapers, but the brothers forget to put the baby back in the car and drive away with his car seat still on the roof. As the brothers speed back to the store, they come within inches of colliding with Nathan Junior, whose car seat is resting in middle of the highway. Ed drives after the brothers in her police uniform and tells H. I. that they must return the baby. Even though she still loves H. I., she wants to end their relationship. Back at the trailer, Smalls discovers the Snoats brothers' newspaper clipping and heads to the bank where Gale and Evelle are holding up a group of farmers. A teller slips a combustible dye pack into their loot bag while filling it with cash. As the brothers drive away, they realize that Nathan Junior was again left behind and the canister explodes. With blue paint obscuring the windshield, the brothers nearly collide with Ed and H. I., who hold them at gunpoint and demand to know the baby's whereabouts. H. I. and Ed speed toward the bank, but Smalls approaches Nathan Junior from the opposite direction and retrieves him first. Shooting out H. I. and Ed's car windows, Smalls throws a grenade inside the vehicle, which explodes shortly after H. I. and Ed run to safety. When Ed confronts Smalls, H. I. shoots a knife from his hand and Ed retrieves the baby. Smalls chases Ed through the bank on his motorcycle and H. I. knocks him off the bike as he returns outside. While the men fight, H. I. observes that Smalls has an identical tattoo to his own. Smalls prepares to finish off his adversary, but when he notices that H. I. pulled the pin from one of his grenades, Smalls explodes. Sometime later, H. I. and Ed return Nathan Junior and Florence's Dr. Spock book to the Arizona home, but Nathan discovers them in the nursery. H. I. explains that they saved the baby from Smalls, but declines to elaborate. When Nathan offers the couple furniture in lieu of reward money, Ed refuses and Nathan realizes they are the kidnappers. Ed tearfully tells Nathan they were unable to conceive and H. I. says their marriage is over, but Nathan suggests the couple "sleep on it" before making a final decision. That night, H. I. dreams of the future where the Snoats brothers voluntarily return to prison, Nathan Junior receives a football as Christmas gift from an anonymous couple, and Glen unsuccessfully attempts to implicate H. I. and Ed in the Arizona kidnapping. Further into the future, H. I. envisions Nathan Junior as a star football player. At the end of his dream, H. I. sees himself and Ed as an elderly couple with children and grandchildren.
Soon after Dorothy Wynant announces to her inventor father that she plans to marry, he goes on a mysterious business trip, promising to return in time for Dorothy's wedding. As the day approaches and Wynant fails to return, Dorothy worries, while her mother, Mimi, is frantic that her ex-husband is unavailable to give her and her new husband, Chris Jorgenson, more money. When Mimi goes to see Julia Wolf, Wynant's mistress, to ask for money, she finds her dead body clutching Wynant's watch chain. Meanwhile, sophisticated former detective Nick Charles and his wealthy wife Nora have come to New York for the Christmas holidays and become enmeshed in the case, despite Nick's protests that he is no longer a detective. Nora enthusiastically encourages Nick, and one evening he and Asta, their terrier, discover the skeletal remains of a body in Wynant's laboratory. The police suspect that Wynant has committed another murder, but Nick realizes that the body must be Wynant's because of a trace of shrapnel found in the leg. Nick and Nora give a dinner party, to which they invite all of the suspects as guests. There it is revealed that Mimi had been aiding MacCaulay, Wynant's lawyer, in exchange for cash. When Nick exposes Chris as a bigamist, thus making Mimi realize that she will now be free to inherit Wynant's money, she incriminates MacCaulay, who had been embezzling from Wynant with Julia's compliance. Finally, Nick and Nora and Dorothy and her new husband Tommy are on a train, happily bound for California.
An oppressed assembly-line factory worker is used as a guinea pig for his employer's test of an Automatic Feeding Machine. The machine malfunctions, nearly driving the worker crazy. In a nervous frenzy, he runs madly through the factory, spraying oil everywhere. He is taken to a hospital, but immediately after his release, is arrested when he is mistaken for a radical leader. Prison life is comfortable, and he reluctantly accepts parole after he heroically stops a jailbreak. Outside, he discovers mass unemployment, and despite a glowing letter of recommendation, he cannot hold a job. Eager to return to jail, he gallantly admits to stealing a loaf of bread to save a starving gamin. The result is that they are both arrested, but manage to escape the police. Together, they dream of a middle class life, and when the worker becomes a department store night watchman, they happily play among the luxuries they cannot afford. One night, burglars enter the store, and the worker is arrested again. The gamin tries to make a home for him in an abandoned shack, and this time, when he is released, his factory has reopened. He goes back to work repairing machines, but a strike puts him out of a job and back in jail. The gamin finally gets employment dancing in a cafe, and when the worker is freed, he becomes a singing waiter. Despite his ineptness, he makes a hit with an improvised nonsense song, but just as the couple are a success, the police try to arrest the gamin, who is wanted for running away from Juvenile Hall. The worker and the gamin escape the officers and set out on the road together.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, television weatherman Phil Connors stands in front of a blank blue screen, gesturing as he describes the weather while a nearby monitor shows what the television audience sees: a weather map of the U.S. behind him. As he joins Nan, the anchorwoman, at the news desk, Phil barely disguises his disdain as he announces he is driving to Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, for the fourth time to cover tomorrow's annual February 2nd Groundhog Day festivities. Phil watches Rita Hanson, a new producer unfamiliar with the electronic illusion, amuse herself in front of the blue screen. Later, with cameraman Larry at the wheel of the station's production van, Phil and Rita ride to Punxsutawney. Declaring this trip will be his last, Phil makes fun of the idea that people celebrate a groundhog named "Punxsutawney Phil" that predicts how long winter will last, simply by whether it sees its shadow. However, Rita thinks Groundhog Day is an entertaining tradition. When Phil insists he cannot stay at Punxsutawney's Pennsylvanian Hotel because it is a "fleabag," Rita informs him that he has been booked into a nearby Victorian home bed and breakfast. The following morning, as Phil's clock radio changes from 5:59 to 6:00, he awakens to the Sonny and Cher song, "I Got You, Babe." Two radio announcers joke about the weather and the day's festivities. Phil looks out the window and sees people walking toward the town square. He has a brief hallway encounter with a jolly tourist, then goes downstairs to the dining room, where the proprietress, Mrs. Lancaster, offers him coffee and mentions the weather. Sarcastically, Phil gives her a weather report with meteorological terms and television gestures. On his way to "Gobbler's Knob," the man-made "groundhog cave" in the town square, Phil passes an old panhandler, then is accosted by Ned Ryerson, an obnoxious life insurance salesman who attended high school with him. Phil steps in a puddle of water. Arriving at the square, he joins Rita and Larry to film his Groundhog Day segment for the evening's weather report. In an elaborate ceremony, the groundhog, pulled from his cave, "whispers" into the ear of Punxsutawney mayor Buster Greene that he has seen his shadow, and therefore winter will last another six weeks. Phil Connors gives a brief summation of the event, and tells Rita and Larry to pack up for the return drive to Pittsburgh. However, even though Phil predicted on last evening's weather report that there would be no snow in western Pennsylvania, a blizzard on the highway forces them to turn back. Stuck in Punxsutawney, Phil declines to join Rita and Larry for the Pennsylvanian Hotel's Groundhog Day party. The next morning, Phil awakens at 6:00 and notices the radio seems to be playing yesterday's tape. Looking out the window, he sees the same people he saw yesterday. In the hallway, the same man offers the same greeting, and when Phil asks what day it is, the man responds, "It's Groundhog Day." Mrs. Lancaster offers yesterday's pleasantries. On his way to Gobbler's Knob, Phil passes the same panhandler, meets Ned Ryerson again, and steps in the same puddle. He tries to explain to Rita that something strange is happening, but she brushes him off and hands him the microphone. After the same ritual with the groundhog, again a blizzard traps them in Punxsutawney. Before going to sleep that night, Phil breaks a pencil and leaves both pieces on his nightstand. The next morning, as the radio repeats itself, Phil finds the pencil intact. He meets the same people on the way to Gobbler's Knob, leaves before the start of the groundhog ritual, and tells Rita to meet him at the nearby Tip Top Café. As Phil and Rita sit at a table, someone breaks dishes, prompting Gus and Ralph, two local customers, to jeer. Phil explains to Rita that this is his third Groundhog Day in a row, and she suggests that he get his head examined. A local doctor finds nothing wrong, and a perplexed young psychologist offers to meet with him again tomorrow. Later, Phil drinks beer with Gus and Ralph at a bowling alley. When he asks the local men what they would do if they "were stuck in one place and everything was exactly the same and nothing you did mattered," Gus and Ralph confess they share that very problem. With Gus and Ralph too intoxicated to drive, Phil takes the wheel of Gus's car and asks what they would do if there were no tomorrow. When Gus replies that there would be no hangovers, Phil realizes he can do whatever he wants without consequences. He rams a mailbox, leads police on a car chase, and plays "chicken" with a train locomotive. Police arrest him, but at 6:00 a.m. Phil awakens once again at the bed and breakfast. Walking to Gobbler's Knob, he punches Ned Ryerson in the nose. Later, at the Tip Top Café, Phil disgusts Rita by eating pastries, pouring coffee down his throat, and smoking cigarettes. Leaving the diner, Phil asks Nancy Taylor, an attractive customer, for her name, her former high school, and her twelfth grade English teacher. The next morning, at the town square, he approaches Nancy, pretends he sat next to her in English class, and arranges to meet her later. That evening, he seduces Nancy by offering marriage. The following day, Phil is able to rob an armored truck because he knows the guards' movements. He rents a Rolls Royce and a cowboy outfit and takes an attractive woman in a maid's costume to a movie. The next day at Gobbler's Knob, Phil invites Rita for coffee at the diner and asks personal questions to discover what she considers an ideal man. Over subsequent days of trial and error, he learns her favorite drink, her favorite drinking toast ("To world peace"), and her love of 19th century French poetry. By degrees, he emulates behavioral and moral qualities she values, but after charming Rita and luring her to his room, Phil breaks the spell by confessing his love. Realizing that the day was an elaborate set-up, Rita slaps him and leaves. Subsequent nights lead to similar rebukes. Discouraged, Phil slips deeper into depression and despair. Each morning he destroys the clock radio. Fed up with the Groundhog Day ritual, he kidnaps the groundhog, drives off a cliff, and crashes in a ball of fire. He wakes up at 6:00, gets a toaster from downstairs, and electrocutes himself in the bathtub. He wakes up at 6:00. He steps in front of a speeding truck, wakes up, and jumps off a building. At the Tip Top Café, Phil informs Rita that he is not only immortal but a god, and predicts various events, like dishes dropping on the floor, moments before they happen. He leads her around the diner, introducing everyone and reciting intimate details of their lives. He writes down what Larry will say when he walks in a moment later. Intrigued, Rita agrees to spend the rest of the day and night with Phil, but by 3:00 a.m. she falls asleep. Phil reads to her, puts a blanket over her shoulders, and tenderly confesses how much he has come to love her. At 6:00 a.m., Phil wakes up alone. He acts kindly toward everyone, takes an interest in the old panhandler, brings coffee to Larry and Rita at Gobbler's Knob, and delivers a warm speech that wins the admiration of everyone. He takes piano lessons, and trains himself to sculpt figures from blocks of ice. He takes the panhandler to the hospital and witnesses his death, then treats him to a meal before trying to revive him the following night. He performs acts of chivalry around town, and saves Mayor Greene from choking on a piece of meat. When Rita attends the Groundhog Day party at the hotel, she finds Phil at the piano, leading the band. Numerous people thank Phil for his kindness, and two older women advise Rita to "hang onto" him. At a bachelor auction, Rita outbids Nancy Taylor and half a dozen other women to "win" Phil for the night. Outside, he makes an ice sculpture of Rita's face, and tells her he loves her. They kiss. The next morning, when the clock radio turns on at 6:00, Rita turns it off. Phil is amazed that the time loop has been broken. Looking out a window, he sees a different day. As Phil and Rita leave the house, he suggests they move to Punxsutawney.
Mild-mannered Elwood P. Dowd leaves the house for the day with his invisible six-foot-three rabbit friend, Harvey, and is secretly watched by his sister, Veta Louise Simmons, and her daughter Myrtle Mae. As Veta is planning a party that day to launch Myrtle Mae into society, she is determined to keep her peculiar and chronically inebriated brother away from the house and, to that end, telephones her friend, Judge Omar Gaffney. Gaffney immediately dispatches an employee, who slips on a newly washed floor and is knocked unconscious. Meanwhile, Elwood arrives with Harvey at Charlie's, his favorite bar. Learning of Veta's party, Elwood returns home, and by genially introducing Harvey to the women attending the party, sends them all scurrying for the door. Myrtle Mae sees her hopes for a husband leaving with them, and in desperation, Veta decides to commit Elwood to a sanitarium. On hearing Veta's story, Miss Kelly, the nurse, assigns Elwood to a room, but when a confused and upset Veta then tries to explain Elwood's case to Dr. Lyman Sanderson, he commits her instead. Sanderson then scolds Kelly and sends her to apologize to Elwood, who unsuccessfully attempts to introduce Harvey to the preoccupied staff. As he is leaving the sanitarium, Elwood encounters Mrs. Chumley, the wife of the sanitarium head, and invites her to join him for a drink. When she declines, he asks her to send Harvey to the bar if she sees him inside and identifies his friend as a "pooka." When Mrs. Chumley later reports this conversation to her husband, the doctors realize their mistake. Consulting her dictionary, Mrs. Chumley learns that a pooka is a fairy spirit that takes the form of a very large animal. In the meantime, an extremely upset Veta returns home. While she recovers upstairs, Marvin Wilson, the sanitarium attendant, comes looking for Elwood. Myrtle Mae is immediately attracted to him, and he returns her interest. Chumley then arrives and dispatches Wilson to the train station. Just as Veta announces that she is going to sue Chumley, Elwood phones from Charlie's looking for Harvey, and Chumley hurries to the bar. Back at the sanitarium, Wilson encounters the fired Sanderson, and when they realize that Chumley is overdue, Wilson, Sanderson and Kelly all hurry to Charlie's to look for him. There, Elwood explains that after a few drinks, Harvey and Chumley left for another bar. Wilson goes after him, leaving Kelly and Sanderson with Elwood. Elwood's gentle flirting with Kelly sparks Sanderson's interest in the nurse, who has long loved him. Elwood tells them he spends his days drinking with Harvey and talking to people in bars and relates the story of how he met Harvey. Wilson returns without Chumley but with the police, who convey Elwood to the sanitarium. Later, Chumley returns to the sanitarium and asks to speak privately with Elwood. After Chumley acknowledges Harvey's existence, he tells Elwood about Veta's plan to commit him. Soon afterward, Gaffney, Myrtle Mae and Veta arrive. Chumley rehires Sanderson, who then offers Elwood a serum that will make him shoulder his responsibilities and eliminate Harvey. Elwood declines, but when Veta explains how hard it has been to live with Harvey, he agrees to take the shot. While Elwood is in the examining room with Sanderson, Veta's taxi driver comes in to ask for his payment and describes the changes in people who have taken Sanderson's injection. At the thought that Elwood might stop enjoying life and become crabby, Veta stops Sanderson. Aware that Myrtle Mae is in love with Wilson, Elwood invites him to dinner. He then leaves with Harvey, but when Chumley begs him to leave Harvey behind, Elwood reluctantly agrees. Just as he passes the sanitarium gates, however, Harvey rejoins Elwood.
At Faber College in 1962, freshmen Larry Kroger and Kent Dorfman attend pledge week, hoping to join a fraternity. Wanting to pledge Omega House, the most prestigious fraternity on campus, the boys attend the invitational party but quickly realize that the Omegas won't accept them. Although Kent suggests Delta House instead, because his brother is a former fraternity member or "legacy", Larry laments that Delta has a terrible reputation. At Delta House, the wild and crazy members are more welcoming to Larry and Kent. There, they meet John "Bluto" Blutarsky, who is the sergeant at arms, Robert Hoover, the chapter president, Eric "Otter" Stratton, the rush chairman, as well as Donald "Boon" Shoenstein and his frustrated girlfriend, Katy. The next day, Greg Marmalard, president of Omega House, meets with the school's dean, Vernon Wormer, who wants Delta House expelled from Faber College for breaking campus rules and retaining a low collective grade point average. Dean Wormer orders Marmalard and his fellow Omega, Doug Neidermeyer, to expedite the expulsion. Meanwhile, Delta House review fraternity brother pledge candidates and accept Larry and Kent, mainly because they are in need of annual dues. At the Delta initiation, Bluto dubs Larry "Pinto," and Kent "Flounder." The fraternity celebrates with a wild party. Meanwhile, at Omega House new pledges are spanked in the dark while senior members look on. Sometime later, Boon, Katy and Pinto go to the home of English professor, Dave Jennings, where they all smoke a marijuana cigarette. During Reserve Officers' Training Corps (ROTC) practice, Otter and Boon see Neidermeyer bully Flounder and decide to exact revenge. As Neidermeyer forces Flounder to clean the stalls of Neidermeyer's beloved horse, he continues to abuse the Delta member. Later, Bluto and his fellow Delta brother, Daniel "D-Day" Simpson Day, convince Flounder to sneak Neidermeyer's horse into Dean Wormer's office late at night with a gun. Unbeknown to Flounder, the gun is filled with blanks so he fires at the ceiling. The prank backfires when the horse dies of a heart attack at the sound of the explosion. The next day at the cafeteria, Otter flirts with Marmalard's girlfriend, Mandy Pepperidge, in front of Marmalard and other Omegas. Continuing his pranks, Bluto spits food in Marmalard's face and a food fight ensues. Later, Bluto and D-Day steal the answers to an upcoming Psychology mid-term exam, unaware that members of the Omega House have planted a fake test with the wrong answers. When all of the Deltas fail the exam, Dean Wormer informs them that he will revoke the fraternity's charter if they make one more mistake. Hoover wants to prevent the expulsion, but Otter and Boon think the fraternity is doomed and decide to throw one last toga party. The Deltas go to the grocery store for supplies. There, Boon and Pinto shoplift while Otter flirts with Dean Wormer's wife, Marion. Pinto invites the young cashier, Clorette DePasto, to the party. Back at Delta House, the band Otis Day and the Knights play for raucous partygoers. Marion arrives, intoxicated, and has sex with Otter, but Clorette passes out before Pinto can seduce her. He returns an unconscious Clorette to her parents' house, where her father, Mayor Carmine DePasto, finds his daughter in a shopping cart. Meanwhile, Marion, still intoxicated, returns home to Dean Wormer. Furious, Dean Wormer organizes a campus tribunal to try Delta House, but he does not let the fraternity members defend themselves. The Dean revokes Delta's charter and threatens to expel the members. Sometime later, the Deltas go on a road trip to Emily Dickinson College to pick up girls. Upon meeting Shelly Dubinsky, who tells Otter that her roommate, Fawn Liebowitz, recently died, Otter pretends to be the deceased girl's fiancé. Otter convinces Shelly and her sorority sisters to go out with the Deltas to "cheer him up." At the Dexter Lake Club, they watch Otis Day and the Knights perform and find themselves the only white people in attendance. When some of the African-American men threaten the boys, they run out of the club, leaving the girls behind. Back at Faber College, Boon tries to make up with Katy, but he discovers that she is having an affair with Professor Jennings. Later, Mandy's friend, Babs Jansen, sets up Otter for an ambush by the Omegas, telling him that Mandy wants to have a sexual rendezvous. When Otter arrives at a motel to meet her, the Omegas attack him. Dean Wormer expels the entire Delta House for failing their mid-term exams and notifies the local draft board. Although most of the Deltas feel defeated, Bluto encourages them with an impassioned speech and they decide to get revenge by invading the annual homecoming parade. Manning an undercover float, the Deltas create chaos and destruction at the event and wreak havoc on Dean Wormer and the Omegas. In the future, Delta members rise to success while Omegas meet tragic ends.
At the end of World War I, an Army private who in civilian life is a little Jewish barber, saves the life of the German officer Schultz as the two flee the conquering army. After their plane crashes during their escape, the Jewish barber suffers amnesia and is confined to a hospital during the rise of dictator Adenoid Hynkel. Years later, the barber returns to his shop in the ghetto of a city, unaware that the state is now under the sign of the double cross, that Jews are cruelly persecuted, and that the all powerful ruler of the land is megalomaniac Adenoid Hynkel, to whom the barber bears a striking resemblance. The barber tries to resist the treachery that he sees going on all around him, but is beaten and arrested with his friend Schultz, who has also spoken out against the persecution of the Jews. Schultz and the barber are sent to a prison camp, and Hynkel, his opposition quelled, plans the invasion of the neighboring country of Osterlich. As Benzini Napaloni, the Dictator of Bacteria, and Hynkel argue over control of Osterlich, Schultz and the barber escape from their prison. On the eve of the invasion of Osterlich, Hynkel is mistaken for the escaped barber and arrested. The barber then takes the place of the dictator on the parade platform and delivers an impassioned plea for human kindness and brotherly love.
At an outdoor dedication ceremony, a tramp is discovered sleeping in the arms of a statue as it is being unveiled before a crowd. He is chased into the city, where he meets a beautiful, blind flower girl, and buys a flower with his last coin. That night, he stops a drunken man from drowning himself. Gratefully, the man invites him to his mansion, which is presided over by a snobby butler named James and they begin to drink. The millionaire and the tramp continue their revels at a nightclub. Early the next morning, when they return home, the millionaire drunkenly offers the tramp money and the use of his Rolls Royce. The tramp uses his windfalls to help the flower girl. Because she cannot see his shabby clothes, the girl thinks her benefactor is a wealthy young man. Determined to help her, the tramp returns to the mansion, but the millionaire has sobered up and does not recognize him, so the tramp takes a job cleaning streets and gives the girl and her grandmother what money he can. By accident the tramp finds out they are behind in their rent and that there is a doctor in Vienna who can cure blindness by an expensive operation. Needing money in a hurry to help his friends, the tramp agrees to participate in a crooked boxing match for a cut of the winning purse, but his crooked partner is replaced by a legitmate fighter, who knocks him cold. Out on the streets, the tramp runs into the millionaire, who is back from Europe. Drunk again, he gladly gives the tramp $1,000 for the operation, but two crooks see the transaction and rob them. The tramp calls the police, but by the time they arrive, the crooks have vanished and the police arrest the tramp. He runs away and manages to give the money to the girl before he is taken off to jail. The girl gets her operation and opens up a successful flower shop, imagining her benefactor in every rich young man who comes into the shop. When the tramp gets out of jail, he wanders into the shop by accident. Naturally, she does not recognize him, and laughingly offers him a flower and a coin. He refuses the money, but when she presses it into his hand, she recognizes him by the feel of his skin and is moved.
Hollywood film director John L. Sullivan dreams of making a film called Brother, Where Art Thou, dealing with the misery of the poverty-stricken, and convinces the studio executives to allow him to do research by traveling cross-country disguised as a hobo. As "Sully" treads the road dressed in a hobo outfit from the studio costume department, a fully-equipped "land yacht," complete with physician, photographer, reporter, secretary and chauffeur, follows him to take care of his every need. Hampered by their presence, Sully insists on traveling alone and arranges to meet the land yacht in Las Vegas. After working as a hired hand for a widow who has more in mind for him than chopping wood, he sneaks out of her house at night and hitchhikes, but the truck he gets a ride with lands him back in Hollywood. Frustrated by his failure, Sully wanders into a diner to buy a cup of coffee with his last dime, and a beautiful blonde actress, down on her luck, takes pity on him and buys him breakfast. Sully and "The Girl" are later arrested for stealing his own car, but they return to his palatial home after his valet and butler bail them out. The Girl dresses as a boy and joins him for his experiment, and the next morning they hop an outbound freight car. Sully and The Girl live like true hoboes, wandering through shantytowns, lining up for food at soup kitchens and listening to midnight sermons in order to secure beds at missions. In Kansas City, Sully declares his mission complete, but The Girl saddens at the thought of losing him to Hollywood. He admits to her that although he cares for her, his greedy wife will not release him from their marriage of convenience, arranged by his business manager to lower his taxes. That night, Sully wanders the streets handing out $5,000 worth of five-dollar bills to the needy. A hobo wearing Sully's stolen shoes which contained his only identification, follows Sully and robs him, and after knocking him unconscious, drags his body onto a freight car. The hobo dies shortly thereafter when he is hit by a train, and Sully awakens the next day at an unknown train station. Disoriented, Sully is arrested after an unintentional altercation with a railroad employee, and because he cannot recall his identity due to the severe blow to his head, he is called "Richard Roe" and sentenced to a hard labor camp. Sully finally recalls his identity but is beaten by the warden for speaking out of turn. At work on the chain gang, Sully is befriended by an elderly trustee, who helps him survive. He is placed in the sweatbox because of his outburst after seeing a front-page article reporting his presumed death. One evening, the convicts are allowed to see a Mickey Mouse cartoon at a black church. The parishioners are gracious, and Sully the sophisticate surprises himself when he joins in the uproarious laughter of the audience at the antics on the screen. In order to get his picture in the newspaper, Sully confesses to his own murder. The Girl, hard at work on a film, sees his photo in the newspaper and brings it to the attention of the studio heads. Overjoyed that he is alive, Sully's friends and coworkers meet him after he is released from the labor camp. Sully is pleased to hear that his wife, believing he was dead, married his business manager immediately, and that he is free to marry The Girl. Aware of the powerful misery of the poor and disadvantaged, Sully abandons his idea of directing a tragedy and is determined to produce a film that will make people laugh.
Passengers from four vehicles rush to the scene of an accident after a fast-moving car sails off the edge of a mountain road and tumbles down a steep embankment. They include J. Russell Finch, president of the Pacific Edible Seaweed Company, who is traveling with his wife, Emmeline, and his shrewish mother-in-law, Mrs. Marcus; dentist Melville Crump and his wife, Monica; gag-writers Benjy Benjamin and Ding Bell; and furniture mover Lennie Pike. The victim, Smiler Grogan, reveals with his dying breath that he has buried $350,000 in stolen money under the "Big W" at Santa Rosita Beach State Park. Unable to determine the identity of the "Big W" or even to decide on a way to divide the cash, the greedy witnesses disperse and head for the park. Along the way, the Finch party takes on Englishman J. Algernon Hawthorne and Mrs. Marcus' beatnik son, Sylvester, and is forced to tell them of the money. The Crumps charter a dilapidated plane to give themselves a time advantage but are later delayed when they are accidentally locked in a department store basement and forced to set off an explosion to free themselves. Benjy and Ding ask drunken millionaire Tyler Fitzgerald to fly them to the site in his private plane, but he accidentally knocks himself unconscious in the cabin, and the two writers are forced to crash-land in an airport restaurant. Lennie, who has demolished a service station in his zeal to reach the park, is forced to take traveling salesman Otto Meyer into his confidence and later swears revenge when Meyer leaves him stranded on the road. Meanwhile, state police captain C. G. Culpeper, who has pursued Grogan for years, is having everyone carefully watched, patiently waiting for them to lead him to the hiding place; the captain, plagued by an unhappy family life and an inadequate pension plan, has decided to steal the money himself. The group, since joined by two taxi drivers, eventually discover four palm trees growing in the shape of a "W," and they uncover the money. Culpeper moves in to arrest the group and then tries to escape with the suitcase full of money. The men in the group pursue him in the two taxis and end up on the top of a fire escape of a condemned building where, in the confusion, the suitcase opens and scatters money to the crowd of spectators below. The fire escape comes unhinged and the fire department tries to rescue the men with a ladder truck, but the ladder topples when everyone climbs on simultaneously. The men are thrown to the ground, and all end up in the hospital--badly injured and under custody, with bankruptcy and prison sentences awaiting them. Culpeper is wondering if he will ever be able to laugh again when the despised Mrs. Marcus enters the corridor and slips on a banana peel. The downtrodden men burst into uncontrollable laughter.
Italian-American widow Loretta Castorini walks to her bookkeeping jobs in New York City. That evening, at Grand Ticino restaurant, businessman Johnny Cammareri nervously proposes to the thirty-seven-year-old Loretta, who insists he bend on one knee and present her with his pinky ring. However, she warns that her previous marriage was cursed with bad luck because there was no proper ceremony. Loretta then drives Johnny to the airport, where he is leaving to visit his dying mother in Sicily, Italy. While Loretta insists on setting a wedding date, Johnny is unsure when he will return, but they agree to wed in exactly one month. Before getting on his plane, Johnny gives Loretta the business card of his estranged brother, Ronny Cammareri, whom he wants to invite to the wedding. Returning to her family home in Brooklyn with a bottle of champagne, Loretta tells her father, Cosmo, about the engagement, but he warns that Loretta is unlucky in love. Although she insists her luck will change if she has a proper ceremony, Cosmo is suspicious of Johnny and refuses to support the marriage. When Cosmo awakens his wife, Rose, to tell her the news, she is relieved to learn that Loretta does not truly love her future husband. The following day, Cosmo's aged father walks his five dogs to a local cemetery and regales his comrades with family woes, since Cosmo still refuses to pay for the wedding. One friend chimes in that there will be a full moon that evening, and the elder Castorini declares that the lunar event will provoke romance. In the morning, Johnny telephones Loretta from his mother's deathbed in Sicily and reminds her to find Ronny. However, Loretta is more concerned about Johnny's failure to announce the marriage to his mother. Still, she telephones Ronny at the family business, the Cammareri Bros. Bakery, but is unable elicit his sympathy. She walks to the bakery and finds Ronny in the cellar, stoking the oven fires. Seething with rage, Ronny reports that his brother, Johnny, robbed him of his life and reveals his prosthetic left hand. Five years ago, Ronny was also engaged, but Johnny distracted him with a bread order, and Ronny accidentally ran his hand through a slicer. In turn, his fiancée left him for another man. Although Loretta points out that Johnny was not at fault, Ronny fumes that his brother should not be entitled to the same joy of marriage that he was denied. However, he agrees to talk to Loretta in his apartment above the bakery. There, Loretta cooks him a steak and reveals that her deceased husband was hit by a bus. Loretta argues that Ronny is not a victim, but rather a wolf that felt trapped by his pending marriage five years ago; he mangled his hand intentionally, just as a wolf would chew off its own foot, to break free from a snare. Ronny counters that Loretta is losing her head by marrying Johnny out of convenience instead of love. He knocks over the kitchen table, kisses Loretta passionately, and carries her to his bed to make love. Meanwhile, Loretta's philandering father, Cosmo, presents his mistress, Mona, with a gold bracelet. Sometime later, at the Castorini home, Loretta's uncle, Raymond Cappomaggi, reminisces about a moonlight courtship he witnessed years ago, between Cosmo and his sister, Rose. However, Cosmo dismisses the conversation, and Rose senses her husband's infidelity. In the morning, Loretta awakens in Ronny's bed but insists on going through with her marriage to Johnny. When Ronny declares his love, she slaps his face, ordering him to "snap out of it." Ronny promises to stay away from Loretta on condition she join him at the Metropolitan opera that evening. After confessing her sins in church, Loretta sees her mother praying. Rose reveals her belief that Cosmo is having an affair. On her way home, Loretta stops at a salon to have her grey hair dyed and her face made up. She then purchases an evening gown and red stiletto-heeled shoes. That night, at Lincoln Center, Loretta and Ronny watch La Bohème while Rose dines alone at Grand Ticino restaurant. There, a regular customer named Perry is humiliated when his date throws her drink in his face. Rose sparks a conversation with Perry, invites him to join her table, and declares that men chase women because they fear death. As Perry walks Rose home arm in arm, they run into Cosmo's father, who does not acknowledge his daughter-in-law but assumes she is having an affair. Although Perry propositions Rose, she remains loyal to Cosmo. Back at the Met, Loretta catches her father with his mistress, Mona. Cosmo is equally distressed to see his daughter with a man other than her fiancé. After the opera, Ronny walks Loretta home and reflects that she is unwittingly attracted to his wolf-like qualities; a safe marriage to Johnny will kill her bold spirit. Realizing that Ronny has led her back to his apartment, Loretta insists on staying true to Johnny because the wedding will reverse her bad luck. In response, Ronny declares that love is not an ideal of perfection, but rather a purveyor of pain, heartbreak, and ruin. Unable to restrain her passion, Loretta reaches out for Ronny's prosthetic hand. Meanwhile, Johnny returns to New York City and takes a taxicab to Loretta's home. Discovering Loretta missing, Johnny tells Rose that his mother miraculously recovered. Rose is still pondering her husband's affair and asks Johnny why men chase women? In response, he refers to the Bible; ever since God took a rib from Adam to create Eve, men have felt a void near their hearts, and long to recover the loss. When Rose demands to know why men need more than one woman, Johnny confirms her belief that men fear death. The next morning, Loretta saunters home to receive the alarming news of Johnny's return. Ronny arrives at the Castorini brownstone unexpectedly, and insists on meeting Loretta's family as they convene at the breakfast table for oatmeal. When Rose asks Cosmo to stop seeing his mistress, he hits the table in anger, but agrees. Soon after, Johnny comes to the house and is shocked to see his brother; he assumes Ronny is there to "make peace." Johnny announces that his mother revived as soon as she learned about the pending marriage, but now he cannot go through with the wedding because he is suspicious that the ceremony will provoke his mother's death. Loretta is furious about the broken promise and grudgingly returns Johnny's pinky ring. Just then, Ronny proposes to Loretta. She demands the ring back from Johnny, and declares her love for Ronny. Champagne glasses are filled for a toast to "the family."
At a carnival with his parents and baby sister, thirteen-year-old Josh Baskin begs to ride a roller coaster alone. In line for the ride, he sheepishly strikes up conversation with a pretty schoolmate, Cynthia Benson, but is crushed when her older boyfriend shows up and is further embarrassed when a carnival worker tells him he is too short for the ride. Roaming the carnival grounds by himself, Josh chances upon an automated fortune teller and inserts change into the machine. The eyes of Zoltar, the fortune teller, become red, and the machine instructs Josh to make a wish. Josh wishes to be big, and receives a printed card that reads, "Your wish is granted." The next morning, Josh wakes up to find he has become a full-grown man overnight. Panicked, Josh rides his bicycle to the carnival grounds but finds it empty. Returning home, he scares his mother. Believing that the adult version of Josh is an intruder, Mrs. Baskin threatens to call the police. Josh goes to his school and corners Billy, his next-door neighbor and best friend, after a gym practice. Once Billy is convinced of Josh's story, he steals cash and some of his father's clothes for Josh, and accompanies him on a bus ride to New York City. Meanwhile, Josh's parents file a missing child report. In New York, Billy helps Josh find a room at a cheap hotel and promises to come back the next day. That night, Josh remains awake in his squalid room, frightened by the noises coming from the other rooms and the street below. The next day, Billy and Josh search the city for another Zoltar machine, to no avail. At a consumer affairs office, they apply for a list of carnivals and fairs, but the clerk informs them that the request will take six weeks to process. Resigned to staying in the city for the next six weeks, Josh answers a job notice for a computer operator at Macmillan Toys. Although he lies about his social security number and work history, Josh is hired. Posing as a friendly kidnapper, he calls his mother and promises that her son will be returned in the same condition he was taken. She demands proof that Josh is all right, asking what song she used to sing to him. He responds correctly by singing the show tune, "Memories," causing Mrs. Baskin to weep. On a weekend, Josh runs into Macmillan, the head of Macmillan Toys, while playing around in FAO Schwartz, a toy store. Recognizing Josh as a new employee, Macmillan reveals that he comes to FAO Schwartz every Saturday. Macmillan then asks Josh's opinion on various toys. They happen upon a giant set of piano keys on the floor, and Macmillan watches while Josh jumps around on the keys. Josh encourages Macmillan to join him in a performance of "Chopsticks," and a crowd of onlookers applauds them. When Macmillan promotes Josh to Vice President of Product Development, two of his coworkers, Susan and Paul, stew over the unfair promotion. Soon after, Paul presents a new toy at a meeting, and Josh questions the product's appeal. Afterward, Paul tells Susan, who is also his girl friend, that Josh is a "killer." Josh rents a large, loft apartment and transforms it into a playroom with arcade games, a trampoline, and a basketball hoop. He writes his parents an upbeat letter, stating that his time away has been similar to summer camp. At a Macmillan company party, Josh arrives in a flamboyant white tuxedo, and his colleagues snicker at him. Susan befriends him and encourages Josh to try caviar, but he chokes on it in disgust. She suggests they leave the party, and they take Susan's hired limousine to Josh's apartment. Although Susan tries to have a serious adult conversation, Josh is distracted by the amenities in the limousine and encourages her to stick her head out of the sunroof. When Susan mentions spending the night together, Josh misinterprets her sexual advances and welcomes her to sleep over. Susan is overwhelmed by the childlike décor of Josh's apartment. Despite her reluctance, Josh lures Susan onto the trampoline, and they have fun jumping together. Later, Susan is disappointed when Josh indicates that they must sleep on separate bunks of his bunk bed. Upset that Susan left the party with Josh, Paul takes Josh to play racquetball the next day with the intention of humiliating him on the court. However, Josh loses patience with Paul's poor sportsmanship and they get into a tussle. Back at the office, Susan nurses Josh's cuts. Josh tells her she is one of the nicest people he has ever met and she kisses him on the cheek. Soon after, Susan breaks up with Paul. Billy takes Josh to a restaurant for his birthday, but feels neglected when Josh admits he has other plans later that night. Josh goes on a date with Susan to an amusement park where he does not notice another Zoltar machine. At a dance hall, Susan confesses that Josh has been on her mind and embraces him on the dance floor. Josh begins to confess his real age, but stops short, kissing her instead. Back at her apartment, Susan undresses while Josh watches in awe and they spend the night together. Billy finally receives the list of carnivals and fairs that he and Josh requested, but he cannot reach Josh at the office. At Susan's apartment for dinner, Josh talks excitedly about a toy idea, but she interrupts to ask about the state of their relationship. Instead of answering her question, Josh playfully wrestles Susan to the ground. The next day, Billy bursts into Josh's office, but Josh claims he is too busy and asks his friend to come back later, prompting Billy to accuse him of losing sight of his priorities. Later, Josh returns to his hometown and watches his friends and neighbors from afar. At dinner with Susan, Josh reveals his real age and attempts to explain his transformation, but she refuses to believe him. Having researched the list of carnivals and fairs, Billy returns to Josh's office and informs him there is a Zoltar machine at Sea Point Park, the park he visited with Susan. Although Josh and Susan are due to make a presentation about a computerized comic book they developed, Josh wanders out of the presentation in a daze and Susan rushes after him. On the street, Josh slips into a taxi, and Susan arrives moments later, noticing Billy as he calls after Josh from the sidewalk. Susan confronts Billy, demanding to know where Josh is headed. Josh finds the Zoltar machine and makes a wish to be a kid again. Susan arrives and reprimands him for walking out on her. She sees the Zoltar machine and realizes that Josh was telling the truth. Softening, Susan offers to drive him home, and outside his house, she kisses his forehead before they part ways. As Josh heads to his front door, Susan sees him transform back into a thirteen-year-old boy. Josh reunites with his mother, and sometime later, he and Billy discuss baseball as they walk down the street.
On one of the last summer nights of 1962, teenagers cruise the main drag of their small California town as rock and roll music and the wry comments of disc jockey Wolfman Jack blare from their car radios. At Mel's Drive-in, a favorite gathering place, waitresses on roller skates serve food to customers seated in their cars. For two recent high school graduates, popular senior class president Steve Bolander and his more studious friend, Curt Henderson, this is their last night in town, as they are flying east to a prestigious college in the morning. Steve, whose father is prominent in the Moose Lodge, delivers the organization's scholarship check to Curt, but his friend is having second thoughts and confides that he may instead attend the local city college for a year. Ready for change, Steve is surprised by Curt's revelation and suggests to his girl friend Laurie, who is Curt's sister and the head cheerleader, that they should date other people while he is away. Presenting the keys of his Chevy to his gawky former classmate, Terry "the Toad" Fields, Steve asks him to take care of the car. Curt chats with their twenty-two-year-old friend, John Milner, an auto mechanic and amateur racer who has remained in perpetual adolescence and suppresses his feelings of being left behind. While looking at the young women around him, Curt longs for the "dazzling beauty" of his dreams and, while on his way to a school sock hop with Steve and Laurie, he spots a beautiful blonde driving a white Thunderbird automobile. When she mouths the words "I love you" and drives away, Curt wants to pursue her, but his companions refuse to change their course. John is cruising the streets in search of companionship when several people tell him that Bob Falfa, an out-of-towner driving a 1955 Chevy, wants to race him. While waiting at a red light, John flirts with the occupants of a car full of girls and one of them, Carol, agrees to join him. To his disappointment, Carol is only twelve years old, but having nowhere to leave her, he feels resigned to her company. At the dance, Laurie, feeling hurt and angry with Steve, provokes a quarrel on the dance floor, but when the emcee introduces Steve and Laurie to the crowd and asks them to lead off the slow dance, the couple feigns ardor. While dancing, Laurie reminds Steve of how they initially got together and when the music changes to a more lively number, they continue to cling to each other. Still undecided about his future, Curt roams the halls and confides in a young teacher, Mr. Wolfe, who urges Curt to experience life and relates his own experience of returning home after only one semester. Seeing a white car in the parking lot, Curt hopes to find his mysterious blonde, but finds instead a couple inside necking. However, later, while riding with his former girl friend Wendy and her friend, he sees the blonde drive past them. After Curt makes a a mischievous remark, the girls eject him from the car and as he wanders on foot, the blonde in the Thunderbird drives past him again, always elusive. Meanwhile, John feels burdened by Carol and, embarrassed when his friends see them together, says she is a cousin he is babysitting. Crushed, Carol leaves his car and runs down the street, but John drives over to her rescue when a car full of young men taunt her. Terry, whose usual transportation is a Vespa motor scooter, is thrilled with the status of driving Steve's car. After a minor traffic accident, an encounter with a sleazy automobile salesman and various attempts to pick up a girl, he spots a poufy-haired blonde named Debbie, who he says looks like actress Connie Stevens. Pleased with the comparison, she gets in the car with him and asks for alcohol. Too young to buy whisky, Terry waits outside a liquor store for someone to purchase it for him. Although a drunk takes his money and sneaks away, another man agrees to help him and then holds up the store, throwing a bottle to Terry as he escapes from the storekeeper's gunshots. Later, Terry and Debbie are necking on a blanket in a field when Steve's car is stolen. Although Carol and John bicker a lot, they also play pranks on other drivers and he takes her to a car dump, where he points out different cars and tells her stories of the inevitability of collisions and death. Although John has never been beaten in a car race, he feels the pressure of defending his "number one" reputation. Consequently, when Falfa begins to follow him, John decides to take Carol home before facing off with him. When Carol refuses to divulge her address, John feigns uncontrollable passion for her, frightening her into telling him where she lives. After he takes her home, Carol asks for something to remember him by and John gives her a piece of his car as a token and a peck on the cheek. Meanwhile, Curt is approached by a gang of hoods, called the Pharaohs, who order him to accompany them or face bodily harm. Trapped inside their automobile, Curt again sees the blonde driving the Thunderbird, but is unable to take action. Needing gas money, the Pharaohs rob the arcade of a miniature golf park, as Curt nervously chats with the owner who is a member of the Moose Lodge. Afterward, their leader gives Curt a chance to "join" the Pharaohs and orders him to chain the axle of a policeman's car to a post. Pleased with Curt's work, the Pharaohs drop him off at Mel's, where his car is parked. The blonde drives by, but Curt cannot get his car started in time to follow her. Elsewhere, Steve tries to convince Laurie to have sex with him, but she pushes him out of the car and drives away. Steve returns to Mel's alone, where a waitress invites him home, and although he refuses her, Laurie sees them together and presumes that he is already dating others. Terry, after throwing up from the liquor and excitement, finds Steve's car, but while he is hot-wiring the car, the thieves catch him and beat him up. While driving by, John sees the attack and fights off the thugs. Terry and Debbie then return to Mel's to get ice for his bruised face, and Steve, who has realized he does not want to leave Laurie, learns from others that she is riding around with Falfa. Desperate to get her back, Steve takes possession of his car, forcing Terry to admit to Debbie that he does not own it. Debbie, unfazed by his confession, says she had fun and suggests they meet again the next day. Curt, desperate to reach the blonde, finds the radio station that broadcasts Wolfman Jack's program to request that the Wolfman send a message over the air asking her to call him. When the disc jockey on duty claims that Wolfman's shows are pre-recorded, Curt explains that it is urgent because he may be leaving town the next day. After Curt admits to indecision, the DJ tells him to "get his ass in gear," and agrees to air the message. As Curt is leaving, the man broadcasts live on the air, and Curt realizes he has just met the mysterious Wolfman. Eventually Falfa, accompanied by Laurie, finds John and they agree to face off at dawn on an isolated road. Word spreads and a few spectators congregate to watch. As the sun is rising, the race begins and although Falfa is in the lead, he loses control. His car flips several times and catches fire, but miraculously neither he nor Laurie is injured. Although John retains his racing reputation, he senses the fickleness of fate. Steve and Laurie are reunited after he helps her out of the wreckage. After Wolfman reads Curt's message on the radio, Curt receives a call from the blonde, who says she will be cruising Third Street that evening. However, Curt has come to a decision and knows he will not be in town at the end of the day. A few hours later, Curt's family and Steve say goodbye as he boards the plane. After taking off, Curt sees the Thunderbird driving along a road below, while his plane flies out of range of the radio station.
When New York socialites Cornelia and Irene Bullock both go to the city dump to obtain a "forgotten man" for a scavenger hunt being conducted at the Waldorf-Ritz Hotel, they encounter down-and-out Godfrey Parke. Insulted by Cornelia's presumptuous offer of five dollars, the well-spoken Godfrey pushes her into an ashpile. He is charmed by her sister Irene, however, and agrees to be turned in as a "find." Irene wins the contest, but Godfrey is disgusted by the careless attitude of the wealthy crowd and deems it a pleasure to return to the dump. Smitten by Godfrey, however, Irene hires him as the family butler, despite the fact that Cornelia vows to make his life miserable. Their scatterbrained mother Angelica supports a resident protégé named Carlos, a fop who does gorilla imitations and eats everything in sight. Irene takes after her mother, and her father Alexander worries about his family's extravagance. When Irene falls in love with Godfrey and kisses him, he admonishes her, and she sulks. During a tea party thrown by Irene, one of the guests, Tommy Gray, recognizes Godfrey as an old college chum. In order to keep his past a secret, Tommy claims Godfrey was his valet and is married with five children. Irene is horrified by this revelation and, out of spite, suddenly announces her engagement to Charlie Van Rumple, a young heir whom she had rebuffed only a few moments before. Tommy and Godfrey meet privately for lunch, and Godfrey's background is revealed to be old Bostonian wealth. He tells Tommy he became a derelict by his own choosing after a bitter disappointment in love. Later Cornelia tries to set Godfrey up by planting her pearls under his bed and calling the police, but a search reveals nothing, and Alexander, suspicious of his daughter's motives, encourages the police to drop the matter. When Irene's engagement is broken, she and Cornelia go on a lengthy trip to Europe. Godfrey, meanwhile, re-visits the dump with Tommy, where he hits on a scheme to turn the forgotten men into working men. When Irene returns from Europe, she still longs for Godfrey and assumes a melodramatic depression. After a beleaguered Alexander announces he is broke, Godfrey surprises everyone by resigning and revealing that he had taken the pearls from his bed and used them as collateral for stocks he played on the market in Alexander's name, thereby saving the family fortune. He returns the pearls to Cornelia, who apologizes for treating him shabbily. Having learned something from each member of the family, Godfrey bids them farewell and returns to the city dump, which he has transformed into a nightclub that employs his fellow derelicts. Irene follows him and determinedly sets up housekeeping. Tommy, who is aware of Irene's intentions, sends the mayor into Godfrey's office in the nightclub, and much to the surprise of a dumbfounded Godfrey, he and Irene are married.
After another in a series of mock suicides staged by 20-year-old Harold Chasen fails to gain the attention he craves from his wealthy, socialite mother, the sullen young man stages a bloody scene in her bathroom, finally driving her to send him to a psychiatrist. During a therapy session, Harold explains that he finds "fun" in attending funerals. Soon after, Harold buys a hearse and goes to a funeral for a stranger, where he spots another casual observer, the 79-year-old Maude. At home that night, Mrs. Chasen, outraged by Harold's "amateur theatrics," sends him to his uncle, Gen. Victor Ball, a one-armed veteran who urges him to join the military and then salutes a portrait of his hero, Nathan Hale, using his mechanically rigged sleeve. Days later, after Harold fails to shake his imperturbable mother by floating face down in her lap pool, Mrs. Chasen announces that Harold must assume "adult responsibilities" by marrying and arranges for a series of dates. During a funeral for another stranger, Maude offers Harold licorice and then suggests that the deceased, who was 80, died at the perfect age. As the mourners exit the church, the affable Maude introduces herself, tells Harold they will be "great friends" and then steals the minister's car. Later, while Mrs. Chasen recites the dating service survey question "Do you have ups and downs without obvious reason?" Harold fakes shooting himself in the head. At the end of the next funeral Harold attends, Maude steals his hearse for a joy ride, then turns the wheel over to him after he informs her that it is his vehicle. Harold then drives Maude to her home, a converted railroad car full of art and memorabilia. Later, at the psychiatrist's office, Harold admits that he might have one friend, Maude. During his first date with Candy Gulf at the Chasen home, Harold pretends to set himself on fire within sight of young woman, who flees the house in terror. On his next visit to Maude, he finds his friend modeling in the nude for ice sculptor Glaucus. After he agrees with her that the nudity is permissible, Maude shows Harold her paintings, sculpture and "olfactory machine," demonstrating it with a scent called "Snow on 42nd Street." Entranced by Maude's creativity and her insistence on experiencing something new each day, Harold shares with her his favorite activities: watching building demolitions and picnicking at a metal junkyard. Later, at a nursery, Maude explains that she likes to watch things grow and picks a tall solitary sunflower as her favorite flower. After Harold, in turn, chooses a ground cover daisy, saying that all daisies are alike, Maude notes observable differences between them. She advises him that all humans are special; the problem lies in the fact that they allow themselves to be treated all the same. On another outing, Maude, in her zeal, drives over a curb to show Harold a tree being suffocated by the city's smog. When the car is ticketed by police officers, Harold and Maude steal a different vehicle and race through a stop sign, defying the awe-struck police. Later at her home, Maude reminisces metaphorically about her past as a political protestor and explains that now she attempts more idiosyncratic strategies toward change. After playing a song on her player piano for him, Maude gives Harold a banjo. Harold returns home to find his mother has replaced his hearse with a new Jaguar sports car, which he quickly transforms into a mini-hearse with the help of a blowtorch. Days later, when Harold and Maude rush through a tollbooth while delivering the smog-ridden tree to its new home, a motorcycle officer pulls them over. Maude speeds off during the officer's interrogation and drives around in circles until the motorcycle breaks down. Later, when the same officer pulls them over again and reads a list of offenses, Maude and Harold steal his motorcycle. The officer aims his gun at them, but finds his efforts foiled by his unloaded gun. After sharing a hashish pipe at Maude's home, Harold admits that he has not lived, but does enjoy dying and recounts his first "death:" After a school physics lab experiment blows a hole in floor, police mistakenly report to Mrs. Chasen that her son has died in the explosion. Seeing his mother faint and relishing her attention, Harold decides to continue dying. Maude enthusiastically coaches Harold to live in the present and begins to waltz with him. Days later, during a date with Edith Phern, Harold, who has placed a fake plastic arm in the sleeve of his jacket, takes out a meat cleaver and chops off his hand arm, sending Edith fleeing from the room. Learning that his determined mother plans to induct him into the military, Harold and Maude scheme to foil her. Asking Victor to take a walk, Harold endures a minutely detailed account of his uncle's war adventures during another military pep talk. Harold then excitedly enumerates ways to kill and finally reveals a shrunken head, asking if Victor keeps souvenirs. When Maude suddenly appears carrying a peace sign and grabs the head, Harold pretends to start a brawl with her and pushes the elderly woman down a hole in the stone landing. A shocked Victor is convinced Harold killed the protestor and stops talking about the young man's induction. At the close of the day, Harold tells Maude she is beautiful and holds her hand, revealing a number tattoo indicating that she is a Holocaust survivor. During a date with actress Sunshine Doré, Harold performs a mock hara-kiri, but instead of being shocked, the actress recites the suicide scene from "Romeo and Juliet," pretends to stab herself and falls to Harold's side. That night, as Harold gives Maude a gift with the inscription "Harold loves Maude," she throws it in the sea, explaining with a smile that she will always know where it is. After spending the night with Maude, an ebullient Harold announces to his mother that he is marrying her and shows Mrs. Chasen Maude's picture. Horrified by their age difference, Mrs. Chasen sends Harold to see Victor and the psychiatrist, who caution him against the marriage. Finally, Harold is sent to a priest, who suggests that the idea of Harold "commingling" his "firm" body with the elderly woman is perverse. On Maude's 80th birthday, Harold fills her room with paper sunflowers and plans to propose to her, but Maude announces that she has taken enough sleeping tablets to kill her by midnight and wishes him farewell. Harold screams in outrage and calls for an ambulance. On the way to the hospital, as he professes his love to her, Maude looks on approvingly and suggests that Harold "go love some more." A grief-stricken Harold races from the hospital after Maude dies. When his car careens over an ocean cliff, Harold, standing high above on the cliff's edge, plucks at his banjo and skips to the music, celebrating life as Maude would have wanted.
While attempting to begin a new novel, forty-two-year-old Isaac, a successful television comedy writer, struggles to describe his main character's view of Manhattan and its inhabitants. At Elaine's restaurant, Isaac has dinner with his seventeen-year-old girlfriend, Tracy, and his friends, the married couple, Yale and Emily. The four discuss luck, art, courage, and, after Tracy leaves for the restroom, the remaining three discuss her age. Isaac tells his friends that his ex-wife, Jill, who left him for a woman, is writing a book about the breakup of their marriage. This troubles Isaac, because the work will reveal personal details about him and their relationship. Leaving early because Tracy has a high school exam the next morning, the group walks along the sidewalk. As Emily and Tracy follow a few steps behind Yale and Isaac, Yale reveals to Isaac that he is having an affair. One day, Isaac confronts Jill and begs her not to publish the book and expresses concern about their son, Willy, who is now being raised by Jill and her girlfriend. At his apartment in the evening, Isaac and Tracy discuss her past relationships and she tells Isaac that she is in love with him. He is less committal and suggests that she not be so quick to jump to that conclusion. She questions his feelings for her but he in turn argues that at her age she should not be limited to just him. At an art exhibit, Isaac and Tracy encounter Yale and his mistress, Mary. The four talk about art and philosophy, about which Isaac and Mary, a writer, disagree vehemently. Afterwards, Tracy and Isaac are shopping and he, still angry, complains about Mary. At the television studio where he works, Isaac becomes frustrated with the results of his material and quits his job. Meeting with Yale afterward, Isaac worries about his newfound unemployment and his financial burdens, which include alimony, child support, and costly rent. Talk also turns to the book Isaac is working on. In the evening, at a Museum of Modern Art fundraiser, Isaac runs into Mary. They talk briefly with some of her friends and then the two leave together. While walking, they talk about Isaac quitting his job, his writing, her friends, and her past marriage. After picking up Mary's dog, the two take it for a walk, eventually sitting on a bench together watching the sun come up over the Queensboro Bridge. That morning, Isaac phones Yale and tells him about his evening with Mary and attempts to discern how committed Yale is to her, without admitting that he has become interested in her. Later, Yale and Mary talk about their affair and what direction it is heading. Isaac picks up his son from Jill's house and again pleads with her to not publish the book. She reminds him of his past erratic behavior, including the time he tried to run over her new lover. A day or so later, Mary calls Yale to see if he wants to go out. When he declines, she calls Isaac. They decide to meet, and as they walk together a violent thunderstorm breaks out, causing them to seek shelter in a planetarium. As they walk through the darkness, their relationship develops and Mary confides her frustration with Yale, who is not ready to break up with Emily. Later at dinner, Tracy tells Isaac about an opportunity she has to study acting in London. Although she is reluctant to leave him, he encourages her, saying how good it would be for her. At Bloomingdales one day, Mary and Yale converse about her growing anxiety over their affair. Tracy helps Isaac move to a cheaper apartment. On his first night there, they are in bed together, and Isaac complains about the intrusive sounds in the new building, and is similarly bothered by the brown water from the tap. Meanwhile, Tracy relates her concerns about their future together, but he remains noncommittal, claiming he wants the best for her. Mary and Yale agree that they have to stop seeing each other, and Yale tells Isaac that he should pursue Mary. Isaac is flattered by the suggestion, but also hesitant. When Isaac and Mary decide to see a movie, they argue again. Back at her home, Isaac tries to kiss Mary, but she resists and instead they discuss their budding relationship. Mary and Isaac spend a day together, visiting a museum and having dinner, eventually spending the night with each other. During a later afternoon, Isaac meets Tracy outside her school, where she gives him a harmonica as a gift. Isaac again talks about Tracy's age and questions her understanding of love. He says they should not see each other any longer and that he has fallen in love with someone else. Tracy is quite upset, realizing that his earlier expressions of concern for her were really masking his ambivalence. However, Isaac feels the decision should have been expected. In the country together, Mary and Isaac talk about the positive path their relationship is taking, Mary going so far as to say that she could imagine having kids with Isaac. Sometime later, Yale invites Isaac and Mary to spend an evening with him and Emily. The result is an awkward evening for the four of them. While shopping one day, Isaac and Mary run into Jeremiah, her previous romantic partner. Based on Mary's description of him as a great lover, Jeremiah is physically not what Isaac imagined. One night together, Isaac tells Mary she is wasting her talent writing novelizations of movies. Their talk is interrupted by a phone call from Yale, who wants to meet Mary. She refuses, but tells Isaac the call was from someone offering free dance lessons. Later, Isaac tells Emily that publishers have responded favorably to the first four chapters of his book. While shopping in the country, Isaac and Mary, and Yale and Emily notice and purchase a copy of Jill's book. Yale reads aloud from it to everyone's amusement, except, of course, Isaac, who is offended by what he hears. Back in the city, Isaac confronts Jill, who reveals to him that there has already been interest in making the book into a movie. Isaac arrives home to tell Mary about the encounter, but she tells him that she is still in love with Yale, that she has been seeing him again, and that he is actually moving out so that they can be together. Isaac is shocked and promptly rushes to meet Yale at the university where he teaches. Isaac angrily chides his friend and questions his actions. Days later, Emily tells Isaac that she knew about the affair and, unaware of Yale and Mary's previous attachment, says she thinks their breakup was due to Isaac introducing Mary to Yale. Isaac tells Emily that he misses Tracy, noting the pleasant times they spent together. At home alone, Isaac records ideas for a book. In doing so, he contemplates what makes life worthwhile and this line of thought eventually causes him to think about Tracy. He plays briefly on the harmonica then tries to call her. Abruptly, he races out the door and runs several blocks and catches Tracy just before she leaves for London. Isaac tells her about his feelings. He says he made a mistake and does not want her to go and that he loves her. However, it is too late, as her arrangements have already been made. She reassures him that she will only be gone for six months, and then they can be together, concluding that he just needs to have a little faith in people.
In 1968 Los Angeles, hair stylist George Roundy's late night romantic tryst with wealthy Felicia Carr is interrupted by a telephone call from George's actress girlfriend, Jill. Telling Felicia he must visit a sick friend, George hastens to Jill's house, where she is in the midst of a panic attack after having heard gunshots. George cooks Jill a late night snack and confides that he is nervous about his appointment at the bank for a loan to start his own salon. Jill reflects that she is nearing thirty when it will be too late to have children, then adds that her best friend, Jackie Shawn, does not believe in adding to an over populated world. After spending the rest of the night with Jill, George drives his motorcycle to the bank where he is baffled by vice president R. J. Pettis's discussion of loan rates. When Pettis asks George for references, he replies that he does the hair of actress Barbara Rush. Realizing that George has no financial references at all, Pettis becomes officious and George departs in anger realizing he will not get the loan. Later, Jill meets with her agent, and film director Johnny Pope about a part. Initially excited about the role, Jill hesitates when Johnny reveals that the film will be shot over several weeks in Egypt. Later, Jill lunches with Jackie, who sympathizes about George. Jackie, who used to date George, reflects that he is too irresponsible and she is more comfortable being involved with Felicia's older husband, Lester. That afternoon George goes to the salon where he puts off Felicia's inquiries about the night before. Distracted by the numerous clients around him, George barely acknowledges Jill when she arrives to inquire about the bank interview and to ask if he would mind her taking a job for several weeks in Egypt. Salon owner Norman scolds George for his careless attitude and, frustrated by George's inattentiveness, Jill leaves. Having overheard their conversation, Felicia asks George about the bank visit and advises him to see Lester for a loan. Although surprised, George agrees and soon after meets Lester in his office. Uncomfortable with a man being a hairdresser, Lester admits that he does not usually invest in small businesses. Moments later, Jackie bursts into the office demanding the key to Lester's Bel Air house. Although taken aback to see George, Jackie assures Lester that George is a great stylist. Moments later in private, Jackie complains that Lester treats her like a prisoner and he agrees to take her to a party that night to watch the presidential election returns. Lester then asks George to the party and asks if he can escort Jackie as he must go directly from work. In the garage, George confronts Jackie about being with Lester and reproaches her for not having told Lester about their earlier relationship. When Jackie wonders who George has been sleeping with in order to rate an introduction to Lester, he angrily insists that he does not have sex for money but only for fun. When Jackie remains silent, George offers to style her hair. Later that afternoon, George leaves a client at the salon with assistant Ricci when Jackie telephones. At Lester's Bel Air house, Jackie insists she must look stunning that evening as it is the first time she will be at a party attended by Felicia. Although George refuses to admit it, Jackie quickly deduces that he has slept with Felicia, but is surprised by the resumption of her attraction to George. The couple kisses only to be interrupted by the unexpected arrival of Lester. George pretends to be gay, confirming an earlier suspicion of Lester's. Meanwhile, still angry with George, Jill agrees to dine with Johnny Pope when he calls. Hastily leaving Jackie's, George hurries to Felicia's home to complete her hairstyle for the evening, but finding her absent, chats with her seventeen year-old daughter, Lorna. Suspecting that her mother is having an affair with George, Lorna blatantly asks him if he would like to have sex and George agrees. When Felicia arrives, she ignores the situation and drags George off to her bedroom. Later, at Jill's, when George reveals that he did not get the bank loan and is unsure if Lester will help, Jill criticizes him for refusing to behave like an adult. Minutes later, George leaves the room and Jill finds an unfamiliar earring where he was sitting. That evening as George and Jackie drive to the party, George admits that he is annoyed that Jill has invited Johnny to the event. Arriving at the party simultaneously, Jill and Johnny, George and Jackie are greeted by Lester, but in his anxiety to act normal around Felicia, he forgets that Jill is Jackie's best friend. Seeing Felicia approaching, Lester quickly whispers to George to take care of Jackie and to see that she does not drink. After Felicia greets George with a sensuous kiss, he introduces Jackie, prompting Felicia to retreat, overwhelmed by Jackie's beauty. Disturbed by Lester's coolness to her and Felicia's possessiveness of George, Jackie begins drinking while both Jill and Lester advise George to intercede. When the tipsy Jackie makes a scene with George, he decides they should leave. As Lester watches them anxiously, Felicia surprises him by declaring that she has realized he is having an affair with Jackie and warns that she will be expensive. Still assuming that George is gay, Lester is puzzled when Felicia further observes that George will surely try to seduce Jackie. George takes Jackie to a hip party at a wealthy private home filled with young people drinking and taking drugs. Gradually sobering, Jackie admits to George that what annoyed her most about him was not his inability to commit or take care of her, but his constant state of happiness which she found unrealistic. Undaunted George admits that she is the only woman he has ever felt completely comfortable with and can see himself growing old with her, but not Jill. Meanwhile, Lester's restaurant party is broken up when a small fire forces an evacuation of the building. Abandoned by Felicia who has taken his car, Lester asks for a ride with Jill and Johnny who head to the same private party George and Jackie are attending. While George and Jackie disappear into an empty club house to make love, Jill, Johnny and Lester stroll about the grounds. Invited to a hot tub by a young couple, Lester is directed to the clubhouse for a towel and arrives at the same time as Jill and Johnny. Seeing a couple having sex in the darkness of the clubhouse, all three stare until a refrigerator door pops open, sending a beam of light onto George and Jackie. Outraged, Jill hurls a lawn chair through the double doors and storms away. George rushes after her, then back to Jackie but both women drive away in opposite directions. George then returns to Jill's house, where he tries in vain to contact Jackie. The following morning, Johnny drops Jill at her home and she tells George that she does not wish to fight. Handing him the earring she discovered the previous day, Jill demands to know how many other women he has been seeing. Uncomfortable, then angry, George admits that he sleeps with women constantly, and admits that being surrounded by women was the motivating force for becoming a hairdresser. After declaring there is no need for him to apologize, George is nevertheless surprised when Jill thanks him for his honesty and asks him to leave. Moments later Johnny telephones to check on Jill. George returns to his small cottage to find Lester and two private security men waiting. Unconcerned, George tells Lester that if he ever listened to Felicia or Jackie he would discover that, like most women, all they are concerned about is how men use them. Feigning indifference to Jackie, Lester calls her a whore, but George insists that she really cares for Lester. The men share a drink and Lester promises to provide George with the money for his shop. Later at the salon, George is unexpectedly shaken when Norman receives news that his son has died in a car accident. Impulsively, George hastens to see Jackie and finds her packed and preparing to go away with Lester. When George refuses to leave, Jackie flees in her car and George chases her to the top of the canyon. As the couple stands overlooking Jackie's house, they see Lester's car approaching and George proposes to Jackie. Admitting that Lester has left Felicia and asked her to marry him, Jackie tells George that it is too late. Despite his pleas, Jackie drives back down the hill to Lester and George watches them drive away together.
In Paris Maria Gambrelli, Mr. and Mrs. Benjamin Ballon's French parlormaid, is accused of killing her Spanish lover. Inspector Jacques Clouseau, accidentally assigned to the case, believes her innocent despite all the facts indicating that she is guilty. Dreyfus, Clouseau's superior, removes him from the case and arrests Maria, but, on the following day, Dreyfus learns that certain influential people wish Clouseau back on the case. Reassigned, Clouseau releases Maria and before long finds her with the gardener's dead body. Again arrested for murder, Maria is quickly released by Clouseau, who still believes in her innocence. He follows her to a nudist camp where Dudu, the Ballon's first maid, is found murdered and Maria again comes under suspicion. Lafarge, the Ballon's majordomo, is then murdered. Maria is once more arrested, and Clouseau is again removed from the case. Dreyfus reassigns the case to Clouseau, who releases Maria and takes her nightclubbing. In the course of the evening, four innocent people are killed, around the oblivious Clouseau, as a result of unsuccessful attempts on his life. The inspector gathers the six remaining suspects together in the Ballon house. They begin to accuse one another until the lights go out, and Maria and Clouseau find themselves alone. All six attempt to flee in Clouseau's car, which has been wired with a bomb intended for him. The car explodes and Clouseau has, in his own way, solved the case by the elimination of the suspects. Dreyfus goes insane because he is the real murderer, having committed the crimes to discredit the bumbling detective and thereby remove him from his staff--only to have him emerge a hero.
In Warsaw, Poland, during August, 1939, actors at the Theatre Polsky rehearse their new play Gestapo , about the Nazi regime in Germany. When a question arises over the authenticity of actor Bronski's portrayal of Adolph Hitler, Germany's führer, Bronski goes into the public square to gauge public reaction. Hitler's apparent arrival in town causes a commotion until a child asks for the actor's autograph. Later, the actors perform in their production of William Shakespeare's Hamlet and the performance of the featured player, Joseph Tura, is marred when military aviator Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski, sitting in the second row, gets up at the beginning of Hamlet's soliloquy and walks out. Unknown to Joseph, Stanislav has arranged to meet Joseph's beautiful wife, Maria, a popular actress, in her dressing room. Stanislav is an ardent fan of Maria and has fallen in love with her by reading every article and interview about her. Maria is flattered by Stanislav's attention and agrees to a flight in his bomber. When the Polish government prevents producer Dobosh from putting on Gestapo because the content might offend Hitler, the theater troupe reluctantly complies and continues with Hamlet . Maria also continues her clandestine meetings with Stanislav, and Joseph's overblown ego becomes bruised by the aviator's repeated departure from the second row during his soliloquy. Life has changed completely by the Spring of 1940, after Germany invades Poland without warning and the country is plunged into war. Stanislav is now a member of the Polish bomber pilot squadron for the Royal Air Force in England. As German troops overtake a devastated Warsaw, Nazi Colonel Ehrhardt places severe restrictions on the local citizens. Meanwhile, in England, Polish bomber pilots become excited when they learn that fellow countryman, Professor Siletsky, is returning to Warsaw on a secret mission. They give him the addresses of their families after he offers to communicate with them, and Stanislav gives him a secret code to give to Maria, which reads: "To be or not to be." Stanislav becomes suspicious of Siletsky because he is ignorant of the nationally known actress, and reports him to Military Intelligence. Further suspicions that Siletsky is a Nazi spy prompt British Military Intelligence to send Stanislav to Warsaw, so that he can preempt Siletsky's report to the Nazis on the Polish underground. Despite enemy fire, Stanislav parachutes safely into Poland, but is unable to reach the pre-arranged communication point at a bookstore, so he sends Maria, whom he has located once again, in his place. Siletsky has arrived early, however, and sends for Maria himself, ostensibly to give her Stanislav's message. Instead, Siletsky tries to seduce Maria into becoming a Nazi spy, and she puts him off temporarily by returning to her apartment for a change of clothes that are more suitable for a seduction. Joseph, in the meantime, has discovered his second row walk-out in his bedroom slippers, and demands an explanation, but Maria brushes Stanislav's presence aside to discuss the more important issue: making sure that Siletsky does not give his report to his superior officers. The actors formulate a plan in which Joseph impersonates Colonel Ehrhardt in order to obtain Siletsky's report. When Siletsky becomes suspicious because of Joseph's bad acting, however, he tries to escape. After a chase through the theatre, Stanislav shoots the traitor. Concerned about an additional copy of the report that Siletsky had in his trunk, Joseph goes to Siletsky's room at Gestapo headquarters and impersonates Siletsky. He is immediately taken away for a meeting with Colonel Ehrhardt by Ehrhardt's second-in-command, Captain Schultz, and continues to impersonate Siletsky by giving Ehrhardt a vague report on the Polish underground. The slow-witted Ehrhardt is satisfied with Joseph's report and arranges for him to leave the country, but when Joseph asks to take Maria along, as a novice Nazi spy, Ehrhardt insists on interviewing her. The Nazis find the real Siletsky dead at the theater, and when Joseph returns to Ehrhardt following Maria's visit, he is left alone in a room with Siletsky's body. Joseph cleverly shaves the real Siletsky's beard and attaches a false beard, thereby outwitting Ehrhardt, who tries to force Joseph into admitting he is an impostor. The ruse works until ham actor Rawitch and the rest of the acting troupe arrive impersonating Gestapo officials and "arrest" Joseph after declaring that he is an impostor. Although his friends were only hoping to save his life, Joseph is outraged that they foiled his plans to leave the country, and they all fear they will be killed when the Nazis discover their treachery. With little remaining hope, the actors again don Nazi uniforms and that evening infiltrate the opera house, which is packed with Nazi officials. After Hitler arrives for the evening's performance, his special security force lines the hall. According to plan, Jewish actor Greenberg bursts from the bathroom, and is captured by the Nazis. This provides Greenberg with his long-awaited opportunity to perform a portion of "Shylock's" speech from Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice . The rest of the performers then emerge from the bathroom and command the situation. Joseph, posing as Hitler's own security chief, arrests Greenberg and demands that the "führer," really Bronski in disguise, leave the theatre immediately for his own safety. The real Gestapo officers then blindly follow Bronski out of the theatre into official cars. As the cars pull away, the railroad station explodes, and the actors realize that the Polish Underground is alive and well, and has struck a major blow against the Nazi regime. Ehrhardt, meanwhile, has trapped Maria in her apartment with hopes of seducing her, until Bronski arrives to pick her up. Ehrhardt is shocked when Maria leaves with his führer, and tries to shoot himself. The actors fly out of Poland in Hitler's own plane, and the German pilots willingly execute their führer's command by jumping out of the plane without parachutes. The acting troupe then lands safely in Great Britain, and Joseph, declared a hero, satisfies a dream by playing "Hamlet" in Shakespeare's homeland. His performance is disrupted, however, when a handsome young officer walks out from the second row during his soliloquy.
Catherine Ballou, an aspiring schoolteacher, is traveling by train to Wolf City, Wyoming, to visit her rancher father, Frankie Ballou. En route she unwittingly helps accused cattle rustler Clay Boone elude his captor, the sheriff, when Boone's Uncle Jed, a drunkard disguised as a preacher, distracts the lawman. She reaches the ranch to find that the Wolf City Developing Company is trying to take away the ranch from her father, whose only defender is an educated Indian, Jackson Two-Bears. Clay and Jed appear and reluctantly offer to help Catherine. She also wires legendary gunfighter Kid Shelleen to come and help protect her father from fast-drawing Tim Strawn, alias Silvernose, the hired killer who is threatening Frankie. Shelleen arrives, a drunken stumblebum who is literally unable to hit the side of a barn when he shoots and whose pants fall down when he draws his gun. Strawn kills Frankie, but the townspeople refuse to bring him to justice, and Catherine becomes a revenge-seeking outlaw known as Cat Ballou. She and her four associates rob a train carrying the Wolf City payroll, and Shelleen, inspired by his love for Cat (unrequited because she loves Clay), shapes up and kills Strawn. Later he casually admits that Strawn was his brother. Cat poses as a prostitute and confronts town boss Sir Harry Percival, owner of the Wolf City Developing Company. A struggle ensues; Harry is killed; and Cat is sentenced to be hanged. Just as the noose is being placed around her neck, however, her gang arrives and stages a daring rescue.
One hot summer in Manhattan, book editor Richard Sherman escorts his wife Helen and son Ricky to the train station, from which they and numerous other families are leaving to escape the city's heat. After agreeing to Helen's admonitions not to smoke or drink, Richard briefly joins the other "summer bachelors" in ogling a pretty woman, but firmly tells himself that he will not be like other husbands who run amok while their families are away. Richard returns to his office at Brady & Co., where his unusually vivid imagination helps in the designing the company's lurid covers of paperbacks. After a bland, healthy dinner, Richard goes home and is about to work on a new manuscript, Of Man and the Unconscious by Dr. Ludwig Brubaker, when he is interrupted by the outside door buzzer. A stunning blonde enters and tells Richard that she is his new neighbor, as she is renting the apartment above his for the summer, and the awestruck Richard's neck cracks alarmingly as he cranes to watch her ascend the stairs. Determined to enjoy a quiet evening, Richard resolves not to think about The Girl, whose name he did not learn, and returns to Brubaker's book. Before long, however, Richard begins pondering Helen's intention to call him at 10:00 and decides that she must not trust him, even though he has been faithful during their seven years of marriage. As Richard debates the matter, he imagines Helen sitting opposite him on the patio and hears her laugh when he states that he is attractive to other women. The vision of Helen continues to chuckle as Richard dramatically spins a tall tale about being romantically accosted by his secretary, Miss Morris; a nurse; and Helen's own best friend, Elaine. Helen chides Richard for imagining things in CinemaScope with stereophonic sound, then disappears, but before Richard can return to his manuscript, the real Helen telephones early. Richard is disconcerted to hear that she ran into Tom MacKenzie, a writer of lurid romances, on the train to Maine, yet promises that he is following her advice. After hanging up, Richard gets up just before a huge tomato plant from the upstairs balcony crashes into his chair. The Girl, who was watering the plants, apologizes for knocking over the plant, and Richard invites her for a drink. Nonplussed by the Girl's announcement that she leaves her underwear in the refrigerator to keep cool, Richard frantically prepares for her visit. While searching for mood music, Richard selects Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2 and imagines himself seducing the Girl with his magnificent playing of the powerful music. When the doorbell rings, Richard comes out of his reverie and instead finds Krahulik, the building's janitor who has come to take the rugs. Richard quickly dismisses Krahulik, then welcomes the Girl, a bubbly, naïve model who appears in television commercials. The Girl laments the fact that her apartment does not have air conditioning, as the Shermans' does, and relates that she attempted to sleep in a bathtub full of cool water, but had to call a plumber after her toe got stuck in the faucet while she was trying to stop a leak. When the Girl notices his wedding ring, Richard admits that he is married, but she responds that she is pleased he is married, as nothing "drastic" can happen. Richard commiserates with her complaint that men are continually asking her to marry them, then plays "Chopsticks" with her on the piano. Their duet ends when Richard, imitating the earlier seduction scenario he had imagined, attempts to kiss the Girl and they fall off the piano bench. Bewildered but not unhappy, the Girl exits gracefully when the nervous Richard asks her to leave. The next morning, worried that he is becoming a dissolute lecher, Richard asks his boss, Brady, for two weeks off to spend with Helen but Brady refuses. Richard then reads Brubaker's theory about "the seven year itch," which posits that most married men commit adultery during the seventh year of marriage, and that the statistic grows higher during warm weather. When Brubaker arrives to discuss his book, Richard confesses that he attempted to "terrorize" a young lady the previous evening. Intrigued by Richard's twitching thumb, Brubaker listens and advises him to give himself more room than a piano bench if he feels the impulse to "terrorize" again. After Brubaker leaves, Richard imagines the Girl telling the plumber about his attack upon her, and the news then spreading throughout New York until Ricky and Helen see it on television in Maine. In despair, Richard decides to telephone Helen to learn if she has discovered his indiscretion. Instead of Helen, the phone is answered by a babysitter, who informs Richard that Helen is on a hayride with Tom. At first Richard is pleased, believing that Helen must not suspect anything is wrong if she is out having fun, but then begins to imagine that Tom has arranged a private hayride, with no other passengers, no driver and blinkered horses, in order to make a pass at the receptive Helen. Infuriated with Helen's supposed behavior, Richard takes the Girl to dinner and a movie, and after the film, admires her legs as she stands over a subway grating and her skirt is blown up by the air from passing trains. Richard and the Girl return to his apartment, which is cool from the air conditioning, and while Richard prattles about psychology and the possibility that the Girl subconsciously loves him, she worries about the heat. Working up her courage, the Girl asks him if she can spend the night, and after determining that she intends to sleep in the living room chair, a nervous Richard assents. Their conversation is interrupted by Krahulik, who has come again to collect the rugs. Krahulik spots the Girl, who is hiding in the chair, but Richard bluffs through the situation by stating that she came to retrieve her tomato plant. Richard is forced to usher the Girl out, along with Krahulik and the plant, but is surprised soon after when she appears through the ceiling via the trap door separating the stairs between their apartments. The Girl happily announces that they can go back and forth all summer without anyone knowing, and Richard, horrified by so much temptation, spends a troubled night on the couch. In the morning, while waiting for the Girl to awaken, Richard imagines that Helen, informed by Krahulik about his rendezvous with the Girl, has returned from Maine to shoot him. The Girl calms Richard, and when he tells her that Helen is never jealous of him because no pretty woman would want someone like him, the Girl informs him that women always want a shy, sweet man rather than some egotistical, handsome lout. Giving him a tender kiss, the Girl assures him that she would be jealous of him if she were his wife, then goes into the kitchen. Richard is then surprised by the arrival of Tom, who has come to pick up Ricky's kayak paddle. Richard assumes that Tom has come to ask for a divorce on Helen's behalf, however, while Tom is baffled by Richard's talk of having a blonde who might be Marilyn Monroe in the kitchen. Determined to be with his family, Richard slugs Tom and knocks him out, then tells the Girl that she can use the apartment while he is gone. Richard grabs the paddle and runs out into the street before being stopped by the Girl, who tosses him his shoes from the window. Richard's neck cracks again after one last look at the Girl, then he waves goodbye as he hurries to the train station.
Comrades Iranoff, Buljanoff and Kopalski are sent to Paris to raise money for the Russian government by selling the confiscated jewels of the Grand Duchess Swana. Hoping to enjoy their one trip to Paris, the comrades decide to stay at a luxurious hotel instead of a cheap one until the sale is completed. When one of the hotel's waiters, the impoverished Russian count, Alexis Rakonin, overhears the comrades talking about the jewels, he immediately goes to Swana, who is now residing in Paris. Swana's lover, Count Leon d'Algout, helps her by showing the three comrades how good life in Paris can be, while simultaneously obtaining an injunction against the sale of the jewels until the French courts can determine who is the rightful owner. Because they have botched their assignment, the comrades are joined in Paris by "Envoy Extraordinary" Nina "Ninotchka" Ivanovna Yakushova, an attractive but stern woman who thinks only of Russia and duty. She chastizes the comrades for their frivolous excesses, which have included the frequent summoning of three attractive cigarette girls to their suite, and determines to complete the sale as soon as possible. Using her spare time to investigate the architectural and engineering wonders of Paris, Ninotchka accidentally meets Leon on the way to the Eiffel Tower. Neither knows the other's identity, and he flirts with her, while she determines to study him as an interesting example of decaying Western society. At his apartment, Leon's kiss elicits a clinical request from Ninotchka for another, but when they realize each other's true identity, she leaves. Leon is still interested in Ninotchka, for himself as well as Swana, and the next day follows her to a small cafe where he attempts to soften her seriousness by making her laugh at some silly jokes. Though other patrons find the jokes amusing, Ninotchka remains impassive until he gives up and, in agitated frustration, accidentally slips off his chair and falls to the floor. His loss of dignity elicits uncontrollable laughter from Ninotchka, who becomes a changed woman. Now loosened, Ninotchka buys a silly hat, which she had formerly looked upon disdainfully in the hotel lobby, and dresses stylishly to return to Leon's apartment. A short time later, he takes her out for a glamourous evening in a Parisian nightclub, which ends when a drunken Ninotchka tries to get the powder room attendants to strike, and an equally drunk Leon has to retrieve her. When they return to the hotel, Ninotchka opens the safe with the jewels and tries them on for Leon before she falls asleep. The next morning, Swana awakens her and tells her that she now has the jewels that Rakonin stole from the safe, which Ninotchka had left unlocked the night before. Swana promises to return the jewels, but only if Ninotchka returns to Russia without seeing Leon again. Though she loves Leon, Ninotchka agrees to Swana's terms because it is her duty, and leaves Paris without saying goodbye. When he learns what has happened, he tries desperately to obtain a visa to go to Russia, but fails, and even his love letters are of little solace because they arrive with the contents completely censored by the government. Ninotchka and Leon are reunited, however, when she is sent to Istanbul to sort out another botched job by Iranov, Buljanoff and Kopalski. Leon is waiting for her in the comrades' suite and convinces her not to return to Russia.
In New York City, Arthur Bach is happily drunk when Bitterman, his chauffeur, stops so that Arthur can hire a prostitute named Gloria. He takes Gloria to the Plaza Hotel for dinner and runs into disapproving relatives. The next morning, Arthur's train set wakes them up and Hobson, his loyal butler, sends Gloria on her way so that Arthur can prepare for a meeting with his father. As Arthur lounges in his bubble bath, he asks Hobson to bring a pitcher of martinis because he cannot face his father if he is sober. Later, Stanford Bach insists that his son marry Susan Johnson, the daughter of a business acquaintance. Arthur does not love Susan and refuses. His father and grandmother, however, have decided that if Arthur does not marry Susan, they will cut him off financially and he will lose his $750 million inheritance. Arthur reluctantly agrees. His father hands Arthur his grandmother's ring to give to Susan, the invitations are ready to go out and the wedding will be in one month. Arthur relieves his frustration by spending a lot of money in the Men's Department at Bergdorf-Goodman's and notices a woman shoplift a tie. A security guard also notices the theft and trails the woman. Intrigued, Arthur and Hobson follow them outside. When the security guard confronts the woman, she brazenly creates a scene. Amused, Arthur steps in and pretends they were shopping together, and he forgot to pay for the tie. The woman plays along and Arthur kisses her before telling the security guard to put the tie on his bill. Linda Marolla introduces herself and admits she stole the tie for her father's birthday. Arthur asks her out for dinner the following evening and has Bitterman drive her home to Queens. As the Rolls Royce pulls up outside her building, Linda asks Bitterman if he can wait until one of the neighbors has a chance to see her arrive in style and Bitterman complies. Linda's unemployed father, Ralph, likes the tie, but is more excited to learn she has a date with a millionaire. Arthur and Linda enjoy dinner and games at an arcade, and he learns that she works as a waitress in a diner while studying acting. The next day, Arthur meets with his grandmother, Martha, and tells her he cannot marry Susan because he has met Linda. Martha says she loves him, but, if Arthur does not marry Susan, she will cut him off without a cent. She advises him to marry Susan and have an affair with Linda. That night, Linda is cooking dinner for him when Arthur calls to cancel and admits he is getting engaged that evening. Linda is upset, but it is her father who bursts into tears. Before driving to Susan's home, Arthur checks on Hobson, who is uncharacteristically resting, but Hobson claims he just has a cold. Arthur confides that he thinks Linda is special and when Hobson makes a joke about her, Arthur gets mad and storms out. He quickly returns and apologizes for raising his voice. Hobson thinks Arthur might actually be growing up, and also apologizes for his comment about Linda. Arthur drinks and drives to the Johnson's home, and is drunk when Burt Johnson confronts him. Burt wants Arthur to stop drinking and come work for him. He also warns Arthur to make Susan happy or Burt might kill him. Arthur drinks his way through dinner, and tries to dissuade Susan from accepting his proposal, but she will not give up. Arthur gives her the ring and cuts their date short. Arthur drunkenly shows up at Linda's apartment in the middle of the night. He gives her a check for $100,000 but Linda refuses the money and asks him to leave. The next day, Arthur complains to Hobson about the situation. Hobson admonishes him to marry Susan, but also says that fate might help everything work out. Hobson arrives at Linda's apartment with a dress for her, and suggests that she go to Arthur's engagement party if she is serious about him. He tells her that he can recognize a man in love. She realizes that Hobson is a good friend and kisses him on the cheek. She also recognizes that Hobson is not feeling well and worries. Arthur is surprised to see Linda at the engagement party. They walk to the stables and Arthur admits he is going to marry Susan, but Linda is still glad that she came to the party. Susan interrupts them and Linda pretends that she came to beg Arthur for money to help pay for her husband's gambling debts and her sick child's operation. Susan believes her but says she did not come to spy on them, rather she received an urgent call notifying Arthur that Hobson is in the hospital. Hobson is dying and Arthur is determined to care for the man who is like a father to him. Arthur postpones the wedding and stays at Hobson's side. He brings Hobson's furniture to the hospital room, gives him presents and has food delivered from all the finest restaurants. Arthur also stays sober for the last month of Hobson's life. Before he dies, Hobson tells Arthur that he can do anything he wants with his life and asks if Arthur has seen Linda recently. After Hobson's death, Arthur gets drunk in a dive bar. The wedding is in less than five hours when Bitterman arrives to get him. Outside the church, Burt warns Stanford that if Arthur doesn't show up, Burt will kill him. Meanwhile, Arthur, quite drunk, arrives at the diner where Linda works as a waitress. He knows he will lose his money, but proposes to her anyway and she accepts. They head to the church to tell Susan. Arthur heads through the packed church to the ante room where Susan and her wedding party are getting ready. When he calls off their wedding, she yells for her father. Burt attacks Arthur and, when Linda comes to his aid, Burt insults her, pushes her aside and hits Arthur again. As Burt grabs a knife to kill them, Martha storms in, slaps Burt and orders him not to "screw" with her. Arthur drunkenly informs the guests that the wedding is off and he will not see them again because he is going to be poor. Then he passes out. Later, Linda tends to his cuts as they talk in the almost empty church. Martha watches quietly as they declare their love for each other, but when Arthur talks about getting a job, she interrupts and declares that there has never been a "working class" Bach and there never will be. She insists that Arthur takes his $750 million, but Arthur refuses. Money has not made him happy. As Linda and Arthur start to leave, Martha insists he take the money. He ignores her and she gets in her limousine, saying she will never offer him the money again. Arthur joins Martha in her limousine for a moment, and then rejoins Linda to announce that he turned down Martha's invitation for dinner, but did accept the money. Happily, Arthur and Linda get in the Rolls Royce and Bitterman drives them to Central Park.
Just before Christmas, the editor of the Morgan's Creek newspaper anxiously calls Governor McGinty to announce some astonishing news. Although McGinty is impatient, the editor begins to relate a long-winded story: After reading an editorial in the Morgan's Creek newspaper on sudden war marriages, grumpy town policeman Officer Kockenlocker forbids his nearly adult daughter Trudy from attending a farewell dance for soldiers. Trudy, convinced that dating soldiers fulfills her patriotic duty, rebels and pretends that her childhood friend, homely, stuttering Norval Jones, whose enlistment has been rejected because of his high blood pressure, is taking her out to the movies. While Trudy attends the dance, Norval reluctantly sits through three features at the movie theater. Trudy, meanwhile, drinks champagne and dances with soldier after soldier. While dancing the jitterbug at one point, Trudy is knocked on the head by a chandelier. When she finally picks Norval up at eight in the morning, she does not remember where she has been, and Norval takes the brunt of her father's anger. Later, while talking with her fourteen-year-old sister Emmy, Trudy vaguely recalls using an assumed name and marrying someone the night before. Her suspicions are confirmed by the wedding band she now wears. Some time later, Trudy's worst fears are realized when she learns that she is pregnant. Still completely unaware of the identity of her husband, Trudy consults with lawyer E. L. Johnson, who says that her marriage is legal, even though she used an assumed name and has no idea who the groom was. Although she previously spurned Norval's awkward romantic advances, Trudy now encourages him, and Norval, who has been devoted to Trudy since childhood, is stunned by her sudden change of heart. However, Trudy's conscience will not allow her to deceive earnest Norval, and she confesses her predicament to him. Trudy then sincerely falls in love with Norval, but refuses to marry him as it would constitute bigamy. Kockenlocker, however, is unaware of his daughter's situation and intimidates Norval into the marriage, as the town is already gossiping about Trudy. Hoping she can obtain a new marriage license with the name of her first husband on it in order to get a divorce and then marry Norval, Trudy sneaks away with Norval. At the Honeymoon Hotel, twenty-five miles from Morgan's Creek, Trudy registers under her real name, and Norval, wearing a World War I cavalry uniform, uses the name Ratzkiwatzki, which Trudy believes is her first husband's name. After the hasty ceremony is performed by the proprietor, however, Norval signs his real name to the license, and Woodson accuses him of having abducted Trudy, who is a minor, and impersonating an officer. Norval and Trudy are brought home by a bevy of police, who have brought nineteen charges against Norval, and refuse to listen to Trudy's explanation. Kockenlocker is forced to imprison Norval, and as a gesture of kindness, Woodson tears up the marriage certificate. Kockenlocker realizes that this was a mistake, however, when Trudy admits that she is pregnant. Kockenlocker then encourages Norval to escape, but he is too honest and refuses until Kockenlocker forcibly removes him from jail. Norval then slips into the bank where he works and takes $900 from his account, intending to search for Ratzkiwatzki. Norval escapes in Kockenlocker's car after he sets off the alarm, and Emmy and Trudy tie up their father and knock him out to mitigate his involvement in the break-in. Having brought McGinty up to date, the editor finally reveals that Norval, who is still considered an escaped prisoner and bank robber, has returned from his unsuccessful trek searching for Trudy's husband, and was picked up by police after discovering that Kockenlocker was fired and moved out of town six months earlier. Trudy learns of Norval's return and insists on returning to Morgan's Creek to publicly state the truth, but her speech is preempted when she goes into labor and gives birth to sextuplets, thereby making national headlines. McGinty drops all charges against Norval, arranges for Trudy's first marriage to be annulled, and insists that she has been married to Norval all along. The effects of the birth of sextuplets are felt around the world, and Norval himself becomes hysterical when he learns how many children will bear his name.
After Charles Poncefort Pike, an ophiologist and heir to the Pike's Pale Ale fortune, leaves a zoological expedition in the South American jungle, he boards an ocean liner headed for the East Coast. Although the eligible bachelor only has eyes for his book on snakes and is oblivious to all the young female passengers, Jean Harrington succeeds in getting his attention by tripping him as he leaves the dining room. Jean, a con artist and cardsharp who works with her father, ensnares Charlie with her feminine wiles, and despite the warnings of Charlie's suspicious guardian, Muggsy, Charlie falls in love with Jean. Much to her own surprise, Jean also falls in love with Charlie, and informs her father that she intends to go straight. "Colonel" Harrington does not share her good intentions, however, and despite Jean's intervention in his card game that night, Harrington wins $32,000 from the luckless Charlie. Harrington pretends to rip the check up to impress Jean, but Charlie breaks off his engagement to Jean when he learns that she and her father are well-documented con artists. Hurt, Jean's tender thoughts of love turn to calculating thoughts of revenge, and is happy when Harrington produces the check intact. The ship docks, and some time later, the Harringtons encounter their friend Pearly at an East Coast horse race. Pearly, also a con artist, is posing as Sir Alfred McGlennan Keith while living in the Pike hometown of Bridgefield, Connecticut. Still bent on revenge, Jean arranges to pose as Pearly's niece, Lady Eve Sidwich of England. The Pikes throw a lavish introduction party for Lady Eve, at which a clumsy Charlie is astonished by her resemblance to Jean. Although Muggsy insists that Lady Eve and Jean are the same person, Charlie, using backward logic, thinks the resemblance is too close and that consequently, they must be different women. He soon falls deeply in love with Lady Eve. Jean and Charlie become engaged, much to the Pikes's delight, and she continues her pose through their wedding. She finally exacts her revenge on their wedding night by relating a fictional history of love affairs to her stunned husband. Mortified by his new wife's apparently sordid past, Charlie immediately gets off their honeymoon train in his pajamas and later sues for divorce. Now remorseful, Jean realizes that she is still in love with Charlie and insists on settling without renumeration if Charlie will only speak with her, but he refuses. Out of desperation, Jean books passage on the same ocean liner on which Charlie is traveling and again trips him to get his attention. Charlie is thrilled to see Jean, still unaware that she is also Lady Eve, and when he tries to explain that he is married, she assures him that she, too, is married. Muggsy, reacting to the reunion, mutters "Positively the same dame."
In London, England, at the stroke of midnight, Lawrence Talbot calls Wilbur Grey, a bumbling American post office employee, and tells him to delay the delivery of two crates to McDougal's House of Horrors wax museum until he arrives. After the call, however, McDougal appears and demands that Wilbur and his co-worker, Chick Young, immediately deliver the crates, which contain the bodies of Count Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster. As Wilbur and Chick bring the crates to the creepy McDougal house, a lightning bolt causes the electricity to go out, and although Wilbur witnesses the vampire begin to rise, Chick does not believe his story. Wilbur then opens the Monster's case and is terrified by the scarred face, at which point Dracula hypnotizes him long enough to escape with the Monster. Just then, McDougal arrives, sees the empty crates and accuses Wilbur and Chick of robbing him. As the men argue, Dracula spirits the Monster away to his island castle, where he and Sandra Mornay, the woman Wilbur believes to be his girl friend, discuss their plans to implant Wilbur's malleable brain into the weakened Monster, whom they can then use to carry out their evil deeds. Later, Talbot, who has rented a room at Wilbur and Chick's apartment house, informs the two men that, to his horror, he is the Wolfman, and that they must help him stop Dracula from carrying out his evil plan. He then convinces them to lock him in his room for the evening, so that when he turns into a werewolf, he cannot harm anyone. The next day, Joan Raymond, the beautiful insurance invvestigator hired by McDougal, visits Wilbur and flirts with him as part of a plan to find out where he has hidden McDougal's stolen displays. She convinces him to take her out that night, although he already has a date to take Sandra to a costume ball. That night, when Chick brings Wilbur and Joan to meet Sandra at the castle, Joan flirts with laboratory assistant Dr. Stevens. While they wait for Sandra to put on her costume, Talbot calls Wilbur at the castle to warn him that Dracula and the Monster are in the building. Wilbur tells Chick, who insists that they search the basement to prove that nothing is there, and although Wilbur finds the ghouls, each time the ghouls chase him, Chick is out of the room and does not see them. Upstairs, Sandra discovers from Joan's identification card that she is an investigator who might uncover their plan and so runs downstairs to dissuade Dracula, now disguised as a doctor, from stealing Wilbur's brain that night. Dracula, who does not want to postpone his scheme, bites Sandra, and she becomes a vampire under his spell. Later, at the ball, Sandra tries to lure Wilbur back to the castle, while Dracula hypnotizes Joan. At the same time, Talbot transforms into the Wolfman and attacks McDougal, who assumes that Chick, who is wearing a wolf costume, is the culprit. Chick and Wilbur run from the police into the woods, and when Joan follows, Dracula abducts Wilbur and Joan as Chick faints from fear. When he wakes, Chick finds the now-human Talbot and brings him to the castle, just as Sandra prepares the operation to transplant Wilbur's brain into the Monster. Chick and Talbot burst in just in time to save Wilbur, but soon the moon rises, turning Talbot into a werewolf again. The Monster, meanwhile, frees himself from his bonds, grabs Sandra and throws her out the window. Chick and Wilbur run from the Monster while the werewolf pursues Dracula into the ocean, where they both drown. Joan wakes from her hypnosis and helps Dr. Stevens set the Monster on fire, allowing Chick and Wilbur to escape by boat. They set sail, not realizing until they hear a disembodied voice that the Invisible Man is riding with them.
On Christmas night in 1959 Baltimore, Maryland, Eddie Simmons speaks to his friend, Robert "Boogie" Sheftell, at a party. Boogie descends to the dance hall's kitchen, where he finds Timothy Fenwick, Jr., breaking the glass windows with his fists. Fenwick reports that he exchanged his date, Diane, with another boy for $5. Returning upstairs, Boogie convinces Diane to go home with Fenwick and reveals that he must also go home and study for law school, which he attends in addition to his job at a beauty salon. After the dance, Fenwick intentionally flips his car over, then covers himself with ketchup, pretending to be injured. When Boogie, Eddie, Laurence "Shrevie" Schreiber, and Shrevie's wife, Beth, find Fenwick and Diane on the side of the road, they laugh about the prank and Fenwick drives Diane home. Afterward, he meets Eddie, Shrevie, and another friend, Modell, at Fells Point Diner. On the other side of the diner, a man named "Bagel" offers to call off a $2,000 bet that Boogie placed on a basketball game, since he knows Boogie will be unable to pay if he loses. However, Boogie declines and joins his friends at their table, where he convinces Modell to put money on the game. Boogie later reveals that he has a date with Carol Heathrow the following evening, and bets the boys $20 that Carol will touch his penis on the first date. Later that morning, Shrevie, Boogie, and David Frazer go to the train station to meet their friend William "Billy" Howard, who has come home from graduate school to attend Eddie's upcoming wedding. The boys report that Eddie plans to test his fiancée, Elyse, about football trivia before he marries her. They return to the diner for breakfast and discuss Boogie's college career at University of Baltimore. When Billy visits Eddie at home, the two friends discuss their relationships with women and Billy denies a romantic involvement with his longtime friend, Barbara Culler. During Shrevie's shift working at the appliance store, a slightly-intoxicated Fenwick stops by to tell him that more people have bet money on Boogie's date with Carol. That night, during a screening of A Summer Place at the movie theater, Boogie pokes his penis through the bottom of the popcorn carton in an attempt to get Carol to touch it, as Eddie and Fenwick sit nearby. When she notices, she screams and runs out of the theater; however, Boogie explains what happened, and charms her into returning back inside. Outside the theater, Billy punches a former high school bully as revenge for getting beaten up by his baseball team in eleventh grade. He then visits Barbara while she works at the local television station, but she asks to meet him in the morning after church. At the diner, Shrevie tells Eddie about his struggle to talk to Beth since their marriage. The men rest assured knowing that their friendship and the diner will always remain consistent. Boogie discovers that he lost his basketball bet, and meets the boys inside. They argue about his mishap with Carol, but Boogie raises the stakes by claiming that she will have sex with him on the next date. The friends leave the diner at dawn and agree to meet back there that afternoon. While driving home, Boogie stops to flirt with a girl, Jane Chisholm, who is riding horseback in a field. Billy meets Barbara inside the church, and she admits that she is pregnant with his child after they recently ended their six-year platonic friendship by having sex. He tells her that he loves her and would be willing to marry her, but she accuses him of confusing friendship for love. Elsewhere, Fenwick watches a university challenge tournament on television and correctly answers the questions, while Boogie phones Shrevie and convinces the boy to lend him $200 for his gambling debts. As Boogie drives over to Shrevie's house to collect the money, Shrevie yells at Beth for misfiling his music records, and leaves. Boogie arrives to find Beth in tears. Meanwhile, Fenwick laments his position as a college dropout who refuses to work in the family business, and asks his brother, Howard, for money. As Billy and Eddie watch Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal at the movie theater, Shrevie pulls them away to retrieve Fenwick, who has drunkenly seated himself in the church's nativity manger wearing only his underwear. When Fenwick knocks over the display, police officers arrest the boys. In prison, Billy tells them that Barbara does not want to marry him because she is devoted to her job. Billy, Shrevie, and Eddie are released from jail, but Fenwick's parents refuse to post bail and he is forced to stay overnight. At the diner, Eddie confesses to Boogie that he is nervous to get married because he is still a virgin. Later, at the television station, Barbara again refuses to marry Billy out of convenience. Beth stops by the beauty salon to inquire about the bridesmaids' appointments to get their hair styled for Eddie's wedding. Outside, a man named Tank demands that Boogie settle his gambling debts by that night. However, his chances of repaying the debt are thwarted when Carol telephones Boogie to cancel their date because she has fallen ill. In the salon, Boogie and Beth reflect on their past relationship as a couple, and Beth feels that her marriage to Shrevie has caused her to lose her personal identity. When he assures her that she is beautiful, Beth suggests that they go out together that night. Later, Elyse fails her football quiz by two points and Eddie attempts to call off the marriage. Boogie takes Beth to Fenwick's apartment and asks her to wear a blonde wig so that Fenwick will mistake her for Carol, thereby ensuring that he will win the bet. Shrevie and Fenwick hide in the closet to act as witnesses, but outside the apartment, Boogie has second thoughts and admits the scheme to Beth, who thanks him for his honesty. Meanwhile, Billy and Eddie visit a strip club and laugh about their past relationships with girls. Later, at the diner, Tank tells Boogie that Bagel paid off Boogie's debt. Bagel says he helped out of respect for Boogie's father, and offers him a job so that he can work off the money. At the strip club, Billy plays the piano and leads the jazz band in rock and roll music as Eddie and the stripper dance onstage. Just after dawn, Boogie reintroduces himself to Jane Chisholm and goes horseback riding with her. At Eddie's wedding reception, Fenwick tells Diane that he plans to travel around Europe, and Boogie enjoys Jane's company. After Modell gives a speech toasting Eddie's friendship, the boys watch in disbelief as Elyse throws her bouquet and it lands on the table in front of them.
In New Jersey, inept storekeeper Harold Bissonette is constantly badgered by his domineering wife Amelia, his obnoxious son Norman and his lovestruck daughter Mildred. When his Uncle Bean dies, Harold uses his $5,000 inheritance to buy an orange ranch in California through Mildred's boyfriend, John Durston, but does not tell Amelia. In the meantime, life's little details continually frustrate Harold. After several catastrophes at his store, variously involving a child, a blind man and molasses, he goes home to a wife who nags throughout the night. Harold tries to sleep on the balcony, where noisy neighbors, children and the milkman contrive to keep him awake. When John finds out that the ranch is no good for growing oranges, he tells Harold, who refuses to believe him. Harold packs up his family and they journey to California in a broken-down "flivver," running into a number of escapades en route. The property in California turns out to be a run-down shack surrounded by acres of dirt and weeds. Amelia furiously takes the children and begins walking off, leaving Harold behind with his faithful dog. Just then their neighbor, Clarence Abernathy, drives up to tell Harold that two racetrack owners are coming to buy Harold's property. The men offer him $25,000 for the land, but despite Amelia's harassment, Harold holds out until he gets $44,000 for Abernathy's commission and a successful orange ranch for himself. In the end, Harold leads a leisurely life as owner of Bissonette's Bluebird Oranges, gaining the peace he so needs while his wife and children attend social functions.
When Tony, an employee at the financially troubled Standish sanitarium, discovers that Judy Standish, the head of the sanitarium, is in danger of losing the institution to banker Morgan, he decides to seek a large donation from wealthy patient Mrs. Upjohn. Judy and Tony are about to ask Mrs. Upjohn for a contribution, when they overhear her complaining about her care and planning to leave the sanitarium and return to her old physician, Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush, in Florida. The quick-thinking Tony prevents Mrs. Upjohn's departure by lying to her and telling her that Hackenbush has just been hired by the sanitarium. When Judy discovers that her sweetheart, singer Gil Stewart, has spent his entire life savings of $1,500 on a horse instead of voice lessons, she spurns him. Soon after his arrival, Dr. Hackenbush, a horse doctor who has fooled Mrs. Upjohn into believing that he is a real doctor, is appointed Chief of Staff of the sanitarium. At a nearby racetrack, Stuffy, a jockey who rides a horse named Hi-Hat for Morgan, is fired when he wins a race that he was supposed to throw. Stuffy is then induced by Tony to ride the horse for Gil, its new owner, but Gil cannot produce enough money to pay for the horse's feed. Tony raises the feed money by duping Hackenbush into buying a tip on a race and then suckering him into buying a stack of books that he claims are necessary to decipher the tip. Back at the sanitarium, Whitmore, the business manager who is working with Morgan to get the institution out of Judy's hands, tries to call the Florida Medical Board to get Hackenbush's references. His efforts are temporarily thwarted, however, by Hackenbush's clever pranks. Following Tony's attempt to admit Stuffy into the sanitarium as a patient, so that he can spy on Whitmore, Tony learns that Hackenbush is really a horse doctor. Later, Tony tries to repair Gil and Judy's broken relationship by having Gil secretly admitted as a patient. The scheme fails, however, when Judy discovers the ruse and throws him out. The situation for the Standish sanitarium looks hopeless until Gil offers to help by singing at a water carnival, which he hopes will land him a contract. Chaos ensues when Tony and Stuffy arrive at the carnival and Stuffy destroys a piano, turns it into a harp, and then gives a concert. He and Tony then take over the carnival orchestra and lead the sheriff on a wild chase. When Tony and Stuffy learn that Whitmore has devised a plan to get Hackenbush fired by arranging to have Mrs. Upjohn discover him in a compromising position with vamp Cokey Flo, they try to warn the horse doctor. Posing first as house detectives and then as paperhangers, Tony and Stuffy try, but fail, to signal Hackenbush to stay away from Flo. Finally, in an act of desperation, Tony and Stuffy paste Flo to the wall to prevent her from causing Hackenbush's dismissal. When Whitmore tries to remove Hackenbush by bringing in Dr. Steinberg to prove that he is a fraud, Hackenbush creates a diversion by informing Mrs. Upjohn that she has "double blood pressure." Worried, Mrs. Upjohn demands an immediate examination, which Hackenbush bungles completely. When the sheriff arrives with a warrant for Hackenbush's arrest, Tony, Stuffy, Gil and Hackenbush escape and hide in Hi-Hat's stable. Judy soon discovers them and tells Gil that she loves him more than the sanitarium and that she wants to be included in his plans. Morgan eventually finds Hackenbush and his friends, and as he is about to have them arrested, Hi-Hat runs for the racetrack and inadvertently enters the next race. Hi-Hat wins the race when Tony and others spur the horse on by showing it a picture of Morgan, who abused the horse in the past. The sanitarium's mortgage is paid with money won from the race, and Gil gets to keep his sweetheart.
Middle-aged New York banker Cosmo Topper's wife Clara insists that they live a staid, well-ordered existence, the complete antithesis of bank owners George and Marion Kerby, who live for fun and excitement. After a board of directors meeting, the Kerbys try to convince Topper to stop doing what his wife says and "live." On the drive back to their country home, just after Marion says that she wants to do a good deed and make Topper over, George loses control of their speeding car and they crash. Though they feel all right, George and Marian quickly realize that they are transparent and, in fact, died in the crash. Some time later, as Topper mulls over the Kerbys' fate, he receives delivery of their newly repaired car and takes it for a drive after the mechanic says that he is not the type for the car and Clara forbids him to buy it. Speeding along, Topper swerves off the road in the very spot where the Kerbys died. Although initially shocked to see the Kerbys' partially "de-materialized" spirits, Topper soon becomes interested in Marion's ideas to make him a new man. The Kerbys then take Topper to their New York apartment, where he dances, then passes out from drinking. Deciding that Topper needs a Bromo Seltzer, George and Marion de-materialize and help the reeling Topper to their car, then cause a near riot when some chauffeurs get into an altercation with the stupified Topper. A policeman stops the commotion and takes Topper off to court where he is charged with drunken and disorderly conduct. Reporters recognize his name, and news of the incident hits the papers. The next day, Clara is more hurt than angry, and is certain that her dream of socializing with the prominent Mrs. Grace Stuyvesant is now impossible. To her shock, however, Mrs. Stuyvesant is dying to meet Clara's now notorious husband and invites them to a party. At the bank, Topper's employees look at him with new respect, and Marion appears to get him to take her for a soda. Instead she stops to shop at a lingerie store that is disrupted by a pair of apparently flying lace underpants. Topper stuffs them in his pocket then accidentally drops them in front of Clara back home. When she accuses him of infidelity, Topper packs a bag and drives off. Marion then appears in the car and suggests that they check into the Seabreeze hotel and have some fun. Meanwhile, George materializes and looks for Marion at the Topper home, where he tells Clara that she forced Topper away. Back at the hotel, Marion's constant appearing and disappearing gets Topper into trouble with house detective Casey. When George arrives, the situation worsens until Topper finally begs to leave. On the way home, George suddenly speeds up the car and says he can't stop, and the care crashes at the same spot again. Topper's shade appears, but he is not dead, only unconscious. He says that he would rather be with George and Marion than back home, but they convince him not to spoil their good deed. Topper awakens in his own bed and Clara goes to him, wearing the lace underpants. Knowing that Topper will now be all right, George and Marion say goodbye, as Clara and Topper embrace.
At the San Francisco airport baggage claim, mysterious Mr. Smith retrieves his plaid overnight case containing secret documents and proceeds to the Bristol Hotel, stalked by the furtive Mr. Jones. Also traveling from the airport to the Bristol is absent-minded Howard Bannister, a music professor from Ames, Iowa who is attending a musicology convention and carrying a plaid case similar to Smith's, although Howard's case contains pre-Paleozoic igneous rocks crucial to his research project. With Howard is his domineering fiancée, Eunice Burns, who manages his life but, concerned about "propriety," plans to check into a separate hotel room. During their cab ride to the hotel, their cab and several cars almost hit Judy Maxwell, a starving college student carrying a plaid case, who is following a pizza delivery man. Also checking in at the hotel is wealthy Mrs. Van Hoskins, whose plaid case filled with jewelry is coveted by two thieves, the hotel clerk, Fritz, and house detective, Harry. Sent by Eunice to the drugstore to buy some aspirin, Howard is distracted by a souvenir rock when Judy, chomping on a carrot stolen from the tray of a passing waiter, approaches him and flirtatiously asks, "What's up, Doc?" As she talks knowingly about geology, Howard tries to escape from her advances, but knocks over a display and when Judy tries to grab his jacket, it accidentally rips. When Eunice arrives, Judy upsets her by mischievously pretending to be Howard's castoff paramour. Later, Judy goes to room 1717, planning to stay without paying, but, seeing Jones inside, instead enters 1716, which is open. Finding Howard's jacket there, she mends it, stashes her overnight case in his room and sees an invitation to a banquet. In the hallway, Jones spots Mrs. Van Hoskins' case, which he presumes is Smith's, and later breaks into her room and takes her case. In room 1714, Eunice prompts Howard on how to present himself to Frederick Larrabee, the philanthropist offering a twenty thousand dollar research grant. As Eunice is not ready, Howard proceeds to the banquet alone, fumbles his introduction to Larrabee and meets his rival for the grant, the arrogant Hugh Simon. Sitting at Howard's table is Judy, who, posing as Eunice, is bewitching Larrabee and other musicologists with her wit, sex appeal and extensive knowledge. She manipulates the conversation to allow tongue-tied Howard to explain his theory that early man played crude melodies on rocks and elaborate his research, which involves the testing of rocks for inherent tonal qualities. Upstairs, Jones finds he cannot leave without being seen and Smith, thinking Jones is still after the documents, breaks into Mrs. Van Hoskins' room and hides his suitcase there. Afterward, Harry breaks into her room to steal her jewels and unwittingly takes Smith's case. Harry then hides in Eunice's room and stashes the case under her bed, unaware that Howard's case is there as well. Downstairs, the desk attendant refuses to let the distressed Eunice join the banquet because her name tag, which has been stolen by Judy, is missing. Although Howard repeatedly denies that Judy is his fiancée, Larrabee says her presence has increased his chance of winning. When Eunice forces her way into the ballroom, begging hysterically that Howard identify her, he claims not to know her, but is ashamed afterward. Fritz goes to Eunice's room and, unaware that there are two suitcases, grabs one, but then must slip it into Mrs. Van Hoskins' room to avoid being seen with it. After the banquet, Howard finds that Eunice left what she thinks is his suitcase outside his door. Inside his room is Judy, taking a bubble bath. When Eunice demands to come in, Howard convinces Judy, wrapped in a towel, to wait on the window ledge. Meanwhile, Harry enters Mrs. Van Hoskins' room and steals the case, but Smith presumes Jones has taken it when he sees his nemesis exiting through the hall window and walking along the ledge. As Eunice and Howard quarrel, Judy stumbles over the ledge, to which she hangs by her fingertips, and Howard accidentally causes a fire. Startled by Judy, Jones crashes through the window into Howard's room. Fritz and the firemen arrive, alerted by the smoke. During the pandemonium, no one notices Smith take Judy's case from Howard's room. The next morning, Howard is evicted, but the elevator takes him up instead of down, letting him off at a restaurant under renovation. Playing a piano, he awakens Judy, who is sleeping under a tarp. She sings, advancing seductively, until they fall off the bench. Half-heartedly evading her overtures, Howard asks about her wide knowledge. Judy says her father, determined to educate her, sent her to several universities, where she excelled in a variety of majors but was expelled from every one for the catastrophes she caused. Judy then gives Howard a letter from Larrabee, which states that he won the grant. Despite his attraction to Judy, Howard invites Eunice to the reception in his honor at Larrabee's mansion, where he promises to introduce her as his true fiancée. As she is not dressed, Eunice says she will meet him there. Smith sees Howard carrying a case similar to his and, looking inside the one he possesses, finds Judy's clothes. Determined to switch bags, he follows Howard. In the lobby, Judy overhears Fritz tell Harry to deliver the jewels to a certain address and calls Eunice's room and, pretending to be Larrabee's secretary, directs her to the address she overheard. Fritz and Jones see Judy, Howard and Smith depart, all bearing plaid cases, and follow, leaving the lobby just before Mrs. Van Hoskins enters and announces that she has been robbed. Shortly afterward, Eunice is dropped off by her cabbie at an isolated building in a bad part of town and finds a gang of men beating Harry for delivering Howard's rocks instead of jewels. At Larrabee's art-filled mansion, when asked to demonstrate his rocks, Howard finds jewels in his case and documents in Judy's. Smith then enters, carrying a suitcase and demanding the documents, and Jones, carrying a gun, does the same. Abruptly, the gang enters with Howard's case and Eunice, demanding the jewels. A fight ensues, during which Howard and Judy grab all four cases and steal a delivery boy's bicycle. As they pedal up and down the hills of San Francisco, they are chased by Smith, Jones, Fritz and the gang, all of whom are driving cars. In the gangsters' car, the terrified Eunice introduces herself to her fellow captive, Larrabee. Judy and Howard take refuge in a Chinese parade and then a costume shop. They steal a car from a newly married couple exiting a church and race to Sausalito in hopes of catching the ferry before it departs. Just as they arrive, the ferry is pulling out of the dock, and when Judy depresses the gas peddle to catch it, their car falls into the bay, as do those of their pursuers, and all are arrested by the police. Everyone is taken to a courtroom, presided over by a cranky, hypochondriac judge eager to charge them with everything he can. At the judge's questioning, Jones explains that he is a government agent pursuing Smith, who stole secret documents, and Howard confuses the judge with his muddled explanation. When the judge orders the person who is hiding under a blanket to come forth, Judy uncovers herself, and says, "Hello Daddy!," revealing that she is his daughter. After all the suitcases are returned to their owners, Howard, stripped of the grant, goes alone to the airport, where Judy approaches him. Fearing more trouble, he rebuffs her. Before catching her plane, Mrs. Van Hoskins says that from the $20,000 reward she offered for the return of her jewels, she has paid the cost of the damages they caused. Larrabee and Eunice, who bonded during their ordeal, come to see Howard off, along with Simon, the new grant recipient. Encouraged by Judy, Simon talks about his research project, which she and Larrabee realize has been plagiarized from a little-known scholar's work, prompting Larrabee to award the grant back to Howard. On board, Howard discovers that Judy is traveling to Iowa to study musicology. He admits he loves her and apologizes for rejecting her, but she says, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." As they kiss, a cartoon being shown to the passengers ends with Porky Pig announcing, "that's all, folks."
A young man employed at a moving picture theater is studying to be a detective by reading a book. Although he wants to buy the girl he loves a large box of chocolates, he is one dollar short of cash. While sweeping the entrance of the theater, he unexpectedly finds a dollar bill in a pile of trash, but when a female customer arrives to inquire about money she lost, the young man gives her the bill he found. Then, when a tearful older woman also claims to have lost a dollar, he gives her one from his own pocket. Next, he is so intimidated when a burly man begins looking through the trash, that he hastily offers him his own dollar. However, the tough man returns the money, then reaches into the trash to retrieve a wallet stuffed with bills. Resigned to his lack of funds, the young man settles for the least expensive chocolates and, soon after, in the parlor of her father's house, he shyly gives the girl the candy as well as a ring with a tiny diamond. Unnoticed by them, the "local sheik," a rival for the girl's affection, enters the house and steals her father's watch and chain from a vest hanging on a coat rack. He then sells it at a pawnshop for four dollars and uses the money, to buy the largest box of chocolates, which he presents to the girl. When the girl's father reports that his watch is missing, the young man consults his book to see what a detective should do. His distraction provides the rival an opportunity to slip the pawnshop receipt into the innocent young man's pocket. Following the book's advice, the young man searches everyone in the room, including the father's hired man, and is surprised when the receipt is found on himself. The father banishes the young man from the house, and the disappointed girl returns his ring. When the local sheik leaves, the dishonored young man "shadows" him in the manner his book instructs, following him through the city into a freight yard, where his rival locks him in a box car and gets away. Although the young man escapes the moving train by grabbing the spout on a water tower, he is soaked to the skin and feels like a failure. Feeling dejected, he returns to the theater and sets up the projector for the next show, unaware that the girl has meanwhile learned from the pawn shop owner the true identity of the man who stole the watch. While waiting for the next reel of the evening's film, Hearts & Pearls or The Lounge Lizard's Lost Love , to change, the young man falls asleep and dreams that the girl, her father and his rival become characters in the film. In his dream, the young man leaves behind his body and the projection booth, crosses through the theater audience and enters into the film, where he has many cinematic adventures before becoming "the world's greatest detective--Sherlock Jr." In the film, the girl lives in a mansion with her wealthy father. Neither are aware that the young man's rival has stolen a pearl necklace from the family vault with the help of the hired man, who serves as a butler in the film's elegant surroundings. Upon learning that Sherlock has been summoned to solve the crime, the thieves set traps in the billiard room, hoping to fell the master detective with either a decorative medieval axe that has been rigged to fall off the wall onto him or with a billiard ball, number 13, that contains explosives. When Sherlock the "crime-crushing criminologist," arrives, dressed in an elegant coat and top hat, he closely observes the people in the room, and evades the falling axe and the offer of a poisoned drink. When he begins to play pool, the thieves wait for the explosion, which never happens, and are unaware that Sherlock has discovered and taken possession of the dangerous billiard ball. The next day, Sherlock's valet, Gillette, helps him prepare for the day, then Sherlock joins the action that awaits him on the street. Sherlock follows his rival to the roof of a building, then jumps into the back seat of the car his rival is driving. He is there when his rival takes the pearls to a gang of outlaws, who nab the detective and threaten to kill him. When Sherlock learns that the girl has been abducted and taken to a cabin, he escapes with the pearls and disguises himself as an old woman, with the help of Gillette. Although the thugs pursue him, Sherlock uses many clever tricks to avoid capture, then jumps onto the handlebars of a speeding motocycle driven by Gillette. Although Gillette falls off the cycle when it bumps over a large rut in the road, Sherlock continues rolling unscathed through many dangerous situations, unaware that he is alone. He discovers his predicament just before rolling into the cabin where the girl is being held, but then is able to drive off with her in one of the outlaws' cars. Although the outlaws are in close pursuit, Sherlock gets rid of them by throwing the explosive billiard ball, but then is unable to brake the car before it careens into a lake. Undeterred, Sherlock fashions a sail out of its convertible roof, enabling the couple to remain afloat for a while. He returns the pearls to the girl just before the car begins to sink. Awakened, the young man is back in the projection booth and still feeling the sting of failure, when the girl arrives with an apology from her father. Taking his cue from the movie that is still playing on the screen, he takes her hands and kisses them, places his ring on her finger, then kisses her. When he checks the film for further instructions, he is bewildered to see that the couple on the screen now have two babies.
On a Detroit, Michigan, street, undercover police officer Axel Foley persuades several criminals to purchase black market cigarettes. When police arrive, the crooks speed away in a double-trailer semi truck as Axel clings to a storage chain. After a citywide chase, officers detain Axel at gunpoint only to realize he is one of their own. Back at the police station, Inspector Todd scolds Axel for his recent act of insubordination and threatens to fire him. Returning home, Axel is surprised to find his ex-convict childhood friend, Mikey Tandino, who has broken into the apartment. After showing Axel a stack of stolen German bearer bonds, Mikey reports that he recently returned from Beverly Hills, California, where he worked as an art gallery security guard for their longtime friend, Jenny Summers. When the companions return from a pool hall, a hired killer punches Axel unconscious as his boss, Zack, shoots Mikey dead as retribution for stealing the bonds. A short time later, police arrive and Axel, now conscious, unsuccessfully appeals to Inspector Todd for permission to pursue the case. Taking matters into his own hands, Axel requests time off and drives his battered Chevrolet Nova to Beverly Hills, pretending to be on vacation. There, he checks into the overbooked Beverly Palm Hotel by insisting he is a journalist for Rolling Stone magazine. Unfazed by the $235 per night fee, Axel walks to the Hollis Benton Gallery, where Jenny Summers works for art dealer Victor Maitland. She is shocked to learn of Mikey's murder and reports that their friend worked at Maitland's warehouse. Sometime later, Axel gains access to the Maitland's office, pretending to be a flower deliveryman. Unaware that Mikey's killer, Zack, is sitting in the room, Axel tells Maitland about the murder. The art dealer feigns distress then orders his henchmen to remove Axel from the building. As they throw him through a glass wall, Axel is arrested by two Beverly Hills policemen for carrying a concealed weapon. At the police station, Sgt. Taggart and his partner, Det. Billy Rosewood, reveal they are aware that Axel is a fellow officer, but the infuriated Taggart punches him in the stomach. When Lt. Bogomil asks if Axel wishes to press charges, he refuses to betray a colleague. Bogomil mentions that Axel's boss, Inspector Todd, has again threatened to fire the detective if he is pursuing Mikey's murder case. Later, Jenny bails Axel out of jail and defends Maitland, who launched her successful career. As they drive away in Jenny's Mecedes convertible, Axel notices Taggart and Rosewood trailing them. Back at his hotel, Axel orders room service for delivery to the detectives' unmarked police car. While the officers are distracted, Axel stuffs their car tailpipe with bananas so they cannot follow Jenny's Mercedes to Maitland's warehouse. There, Axel takes a sample of scattered coffee grounds, witnesses the transfer of German bearer bonds, and follows deliverymen to a bonded warehouse. When he locates the suspicious Maitland crate, Axel pretends to be an irate undercover customs inspector and orders the employees to check the origin and destination of the container. Returning to the hotel, Axel climbs into the backseat of Taggart and Rosewood's car and convinces the men to join him for a drink. Despite Taggart's insistence on following police protocol, Axel takes the detectives to a strip club, where he notices two suspicious men in trench coats. Axel persuades Taggart to back him up then detains the men. Back at the Beverly Hills police station, Axel credits Taggart and Rosewood for the arrests, but Taggart is a stickler for honesty and confesses the truth. Lt. Bogomil is outraged and reassigns the case to another team, detectives Foster and McCabe. The next morning, the new team follows Axel to Maitland's mansion. When the art dealer's limousine drives away, Axel outwits the detectives by speeding through a red traffic light, then trails Maitland to the elite Harrow social club. There, Axel pretends to be Maitland's homosexual lover, who needs to convey his recent diagnosis of "herpes simplex 10," and the maître d' awkwardly asks Axel to deliver the message in person. Pushing Zack into a buffet table, Axel threatens to hold Maitland accountable for Mikey's murder and ends up back at the Beverly Hills police station, where he finally reveals the true cause for his "vacation." He explains that Maitland is bypassing customs to smuggle foreign bonds and drugs into the U.S. Although Lt. Bogomil is intrigued by the discovery, he cannot issue a warrant without proof, and his boss, Chief Hubbard, expels Axel from Beverly Hills. As Rosewood escorts him back to the hotel, Axel reveals that a Maitland shipment is scheduled to arrive that day. He convinces Rosewood to help him procure evidence and directs the detective to Maitland's gallery. When Axel asks Jenny for keys to the warehouse, she insists on joining the officers. Leaving Rosewood outside in the unmarked police car, Axel and Jenny creep into the storeroom and uncover bags of cocaine, packed in coffee grounds. Just then, Axel and Jenny are detained at gunpoint by Maitland's henchmen and the art dealer soon arrives with his cronies. Admitting that he is Mikey's killer, Zack beats Axel, and Maitland is driven away in his limousine with Jenny. Meanwhile, Rosewood observes the events and realizes Axel is in danger. Risking his career, Rosewood rescues Axel and pursues Maitland's limousine. On the way, Rosewood radios Taggart, who orders Foster and McCabe to go to the warehouse while he follows his partner to Maitland's estate. There, Taggart orders an end to Axel's pursuit, but the Detroit officer and Rosewood are intent on rescuing Jenny, so Taggart joins their mission. Back at the police station, Lt. Bogomil orders other officers to the scene. Meanwhile, Axel, Taggart, and Rosewood are ambushed by machine gun-bearing security guards, but Axel breaks into the mansion, kills Zack, and is shot in the arm by Maitland. As police arrive, Maitland holds Jenny at gunpoint, but Lt. Bogomil interrupts the attack, and he and Axel shoot Maitland dead. Outside, Chief Hubbard demands Axel's arrest, but Lt. Bogomil invents a story to explain the incident. When trustworthy Taggart backs up the account, Hubbard finally believes Lt. Bogomil's report. Although Axel is ordered to return to Detroit, the lieutenant agrees to restore Axel's credibility with Inspector Todd. That evening, Taggart and Rosewood arrive at the Beverly Palm Hotel to escort Axel out of town. When he realizes the police department is paying for his accommodations, Axel adds two bathrobes to the bill and gives them to his friends. Outside, Taggart agrees to stop for a drink on the way out of Beverly Hills, and Axel promises in jest that he will take them to a respectable establishment.
In Washington, D.C., Jane Craig is a successful television news producer at a national network. During a conference for local broadcasters, Jane gives an impassioned but poorly received keynote address, urging her colleagues not to lose sight of their journalistic integrity in the wake of increasingly sensational and frivolous assignments. Once the room clears, handsome but feebleminded anchor Tom Grunick compliments her speech and accepts her invitation to dinner. Back at her hotel room, Tom confides he is uncomfortable with his runaway success because he rarely understands the stories he reads on air. When Jane suggests he make an effort to strengthen his qualifications, Tom takes offense to her forthright manner and leaves in embarrassment. Later that evening, he calls Jane to reveal that her network has hired him as its new anchor. His first week on the job, Tom is intimidated by Jane's intensity, but continually seeks her advice. Eventually, he convinces her to produce his latest story idea, which is well received by network management and bolsters his confidence. Over time, Jane realizes she has complicated feelings for Tom, even though she does not respect him. When Libyans bomb a U.S. military base in Italy, network director Paul Moore calls for a live breaking news report with Tom as anchor. Jane objects, insisting that her close but undervalued colleague, Aaron Altman, is substantially more qualified, but Paul refuses to listen. As a result, Aaron feeds information to Jane over the phone, which she relays to Tom through his earpiece. The report is a rousing success, and Tom is exhilarated by their teamwork, comparing it to "great sex." Afterward, Jane visits Aaron, who is drunk at his apartment. He hints at his affection for her, but Jane gives him a friendly goodbye kiss before rushing off meet her co-workers at a bar across town. Hoping to catch Tom alone, she is disappointed to find him leaving the party with a female colleague. As Jane's infatuation with Tom grows, she musters the confidence to invite him to a party where the two acknowledge their mutual attraction. At the end of the evening, Tom pitches his first solo assignment about the rising dangers of date rape. Although Jane initially laughs at the suggestion, the piece later proves to be an emotionally powerful exposé that causes her to reconsider her more conservative reporting style. One afternoon, Paul Moore announces that he has been forced to implement a $24 million budget cut, resulting in massive layoffs. Sympathetic bureau chief Ernie Merriman warns Aaron that he may be fired. Determined to prove himself as an anchor, Aaron begs for a chance to read the weekend news. Ernie agrees, and enlists Tom to coach Aaron in the more superficial elements of his presentation. Although Aaron writes compelling copy, he lacks Tom's charisma, and perspires excessively on camera. Meanwhile, Jane accompanies Tom to the White House Correspondents' Dinner, but the two leave the party to share a romantic moment on the steps of the Jefferson Memorial. As their embrace becomes intimate, Jane suddenly remembers her promise to check on Aaron after his report, and asks Tom to wait for her. At his apartment, Aaron relays the disastrous events of the evening and offers to cook Jane dinner. She declines, confessing her feelings for Tom. Aaron bitterly reminds her that the vacuous anchor personifies everything she has been fighting against. In an attempt to dissuade her from pursuing the relationship, Aaron admits he has secretly been in love with her for some time. Unsure what to do, Jane calls Tom to tell him she is running late, but he cancels their engagement. Upset, she confronts Tom at work the next day, and they reconcile. As the station restructures, Jane learns she has been assigned to replace Ernie Merriman, while Tom is promoted to the network office in London, England. Paul keeps Aaron on the team as a "cost efficient" reporter, but Aaron quietly resigns and accepts an anchor position in Portland, Oregon, where he hopes he will be more appreciated. With only a week before his new job starts, Tom convinces Jane to take a vacation with him so they can test their compatibility outside the workplace. Before leaving, she meets Aaron for coffee. Still hurt by her decision, Aaron informs her that Tom faked crying onscreen during the date rape story. After reviewing the outtakes, Jane is disgusted by Tom's breach of ethics and chooses to forgo their vacation. Several years later, Tom, Aaron, and Jane reunite at a broadcasting conference. While the men each have stable careers and growing families, Jane has accepted a prestigious position as a managing editor in New York City, and reveals she has begun a new, but happy, relationship.
Professor Quincy Adams Wagstaff takes over as president of Huxley College in order to help his son Frank graduate, as he has been attending Huxley for twelve years. Wagstaff's inaugural speech is incoherent, and at one point, he bursts into song, after calling attention to Frank, who is sitting among the students with a girl on his lap. After the song and speech, Wagstaff admonishes his son for dating only one college "widow" in twelve years, whereas he himself dated three college widows and attended three different colleges in twelve years. Frank tells his father that Huxley has had a new college president every year since 1888, which is also the last year the school won a football game. Frank insists that the college needs a good football team to beat the opposing team from Darwin University, and informs his father that he can buy two football players at a speakeasy downtown. At the speakeasy, Jennings, a representative of Darwin, buys the two athletes. Wagstaff arrives and gains admission to the speakeasy through repartee with Baravelli the iceman and bootlegger. Pinky, who is Baravelli's mute partner as well as a dog catcher, gets into the club and makes a nuisance of himself. Wagstaff mistakes the two men for football players and hires them for the big game against Darwin, then signs them on as students at Huxley. Jennings goes to see Connie Bailey, Frank's college widow with whom he is in cahoots, and tells her to get the football plays from Frank. He leaves and Frank arrives, after which Wagstaff arrives to convince Connie to give up Frank. Pinky and Baravelli, meanwhile, try to deliver ice several times to Connie's house but continually drop the ice blocks out of the window. Wagstaff discovers he hired the wrong athletes and tells Pinky and Baravelli to kidnap the real athletes. Meanwhile, Jennings buys the football signals from Baravelli but discovers they are the wrong signals. Connie then steals the signals from Wagstaff by attempting to seduce him. Meanwhile, Baravelli and Pinky try to kidnap the athletes but wind up trapped in an apartment. They saw their way through the floor in time to rush to the field and eventually increase Huxley's score through their antics. In the end, Huxley wins, and Baravelli, Pinky and Wagstaff all marry Connie.
Lonely and frustrated, Virgil Starkwell decides to become a professional thief. Though moderately successful at robbing gumball machines, he is apprehended and sent to prison when he attempts an armored-car heist. His escape by means of a pistol whittled from a bar of soap results in a two-year increase of his sentence. But Virgil courageously consents to act as a human guinea pig in a medical experiment and then is paroled and tries to go straight. Unable to find a job, he resorts to purse-snatching, and, while cruising a park for victims, he meets and falls in love with Louise, a lovely young laundress. Determined to change the course of his life, Virgil decides to rob a bank. However, the tellers involve him in a heated argument over the spelling in his illegible holdup note, and Virgil again is put in jail. Louise visits him weekly and tries to keep up his spirits, but his jail term ends abruptly when he accidentally finds himself on the outside of the walls. Free again, he marries Louise and begins a new life by taking an office job in another state. Miss Blaire, a predatory fellow employee, learns about his criminal past and blackmails him, whereupon Virgil repeatedly attempts to murder her by stabbing her with a drumstick from the turkey dinner she has prepared. Having failed at an honest living, and with Louise now pregnant, Virgil makes plans for his future family by masterminding still another bank robbery, and once more finds himself behind bars. Undaunted, he effects a daring escape chained to five other convicts and makes his way back to Louise. Now a notorious fugitive, Virgil is recaptured and returned to jail. Sitting in his cell, he reflects on his life of crime as he picks up a bar of soap and begins to whittle.
In San Francisco, frequently unemployed actor Daniel Hillard has a job dubbing animated characters in a children's cartoon. When, onscreen, a villainous cartoon cat offers a cigarette to a little green parakeet called Pudgie the Parrot, Daniel goes off script, improvising dialogue that warns children about the hazards of smoking. The cartoon's director, a smoker, is infuriated, but Daniel insists that it is unethical to promote smoking to children. Unable to convince the director of his viewpoint, Daniel quits. He then surprises his children, Lydia, Chris, and Natalie, by picking them up from school. Because today is Chris' twelfth birthday, Daniel throws a boisterous party with hip-hop music, dozens of children, and a hired petting zoo. His wife Miranda, a co-owner in a successful interior design firm, is the family's breadwinner and used to Daniel's whimsical antics. However, when she arrives home from work with a couple of small gifts in hand, she finds the house in shambles, children screaming, trash everywhere, and a goat eating her begonias. Inside, she sees her husband and children dancing on the dining room table, while other children swing from a chandelier in the next room, and a pony eats the birthday cake. Angry, Miranda unplugs the stereo and orders the guests out of the house. Miranda and Daniel scream at each other while cleaning up, and during the fighting, Miranda realizes she wants a divorce. Assuming Miranda's anger will subside, Daniel moves in with his gay brother, Frank, and his partner Jack, both makeup artists. Later, during divorce proceedings, Miranda is given sole custody of the children because Daniel has no place to live and no employment. Though he has visitation rights every Saturday, Daniel makes a final, desperate plea to the judge, saying he can't live without his children, and that he's never been away from them for more than a day. The judge agrees to reassess the case, giving Daniel three months to get a job, keep it, and create a suitable home for his children. The judge assigns a court liaison, Mrs. Sellner, to oversee his progress. Unimpressed with Daniel's ability to "do voices" and his lack of other marketable skills, Mrs. Sellner finds him a job in the shipping department at a television studio. During his breaks Daniel is able to watch the production of a long-running children's program. Thinking it boring, Daniel asks a man standing beside him what "idiot" would keep such a show on the air for twenty-five years. The man introduces himself as the "idiot," Jonathan Lundy, owner and general manager of the station. Luckily for Daniel, he agrees and wants to cancel the show. Meanwhile, Miranda receives a commission from her college sweetheart, Stuart Dunmeyer, to redecorate his mansion. Because of her new project, Miranda decides to hire a nanny to take care of the kids. When she shows Daniel the classified ad she's placing in the newspaper, Daniel surreptitiously changes the telephone numbers, ensuring that no one will be able to apply for the position. Using his ability to "do voices," Daniel calls Miranda several times posing as various dysfunctional, undesirable nannies. He then calls in the guise of Mrs. Doubtfire, a prim and proper older English woman who claims to have worked the past fifteen years for the Smythe Family of Elbourne, England. Unaware that Mrs. Doubtfire is really Daniel, Miranda hires "her," which creates a problem for Daniel because "she" is still a "he." Daniel enlists the aid of Frank and Jack, who, using wigs, makeup and latex masks, transform him into a woman. Although Mrs. Doubtfire impresses Miranda, the children are skeptical about having a nanny and miss their father. Claiming to run a tight ship, Mrs. Doubtfire makes the children turn off the television to do their homework and punishes them with house chores when they don't obey, but ultimately wins them over individually by reading stories with Natalie, playing soccer with Chris, and helping Lydia with her homework. After a few household mishaps, Daniel learns to care for his home and his children. Because the children are doing better in school and her house is clean when she comes home, Miranda is happier and spends more time with Stu and the children. When Mrs. Doubtfire first meets Stu, she is very passive aggressive and suggests that the large size of his car is a compensation for "smaller genitals." One evening, after excusing herself for "a call of nature," Mrs. Doubtfire fails to lock the bathroom door, and Chris accidentally sees Mrs. Doubtfire standing to relieve him/herself. Chris runs, screaming, into Lydia's room, barely able to exclaim that Mrs. Doubtfire is "half man and half woman." When Mrs. Doubtfire comes into the room, Lydia and Chris threaten her with a tennis racket, but the nanny reveals that she is really their dad and that "Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack" created the disguise. He then swears them to secrecy. Back at work, Daniel returns to the set of the dinosaur show during a break and improvises a skit, not realizing that Lundy is listening in. Impressed, Lundy invites Daniel to dinner to discuss the potential of a new show for children that is neither boring nor dumbed-down. The meeting is set for Bridges Restaurant, Friday, 7 o'clock sharp, but Mrs. Doubtfire learns that Stu is taking the family to celebrate Miranda's birthday at the same restaurant on Friday at 7 and Miranda insists that Mrs. Doubtfire come along. That evening, with the Hillard family on one side of the restaurant, and Lundy on the other, Daniel goes back and forth from the ladies' room, changing in and out of his disguise. With a glass of wine at one table, and several scotches at the other, Daniel becomes intoxicated, until at last, he unintentionally sits down with Lundy dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire. Improvising, Daniel says that his concept for a new show features a "hip old granny" who can teach and entertain children. Mr. Lundy loves the idea. Also during the evening, Mrs. Doubtfire learns that Stu is allergic to pepper, and sneaks into the kitchen to powder his dish with crushed cayenne. After his first bite, Stu begins choking. Mrs. Doubtfire performs the Heimlich maneuver that saves his life, but accidentally rips off her disguise, revealing that she is really Daniel. When the custody trial is revisited, the judge reprimands Daniel for his stunt, saying that he refuses to further subject the three innocent children to his peculiar and harmful behavior. He allows Daniel only supervised visitation on Saturdays. Miranda advertises for a new nanny, but when none work out, the family laments the loss of "Mrs. Doubtfire." Just then, on the television, Mrs. Doubtfire calls out, "Hello, my dears!" Miranda and the children see that Mrs. Doubtfire lives on. Realizing the children were happier when Mrs. Doubtfire was a part of their lives, Miranda invites Daniel to care for the kids again every day after school. Daniel also continues to appear as Mrs. Doubtfire on his television show. In one episode, Daniel, as Mrs. Doubtfire, explains to her young viewers that there all kinds of families, and whether they live in the same house or not, love binds them together.
Sophisticated New Yorkers Jerry and Lucy Warriner both have cause to suspect the other of having an affair, so they decide to divorce. Although Lucy wins custody of their dog, "Mr. Smith," the lack of a suitable male escort keeps her at home every night. Happily, Lucy's Aunt Patsy meets their neighbor, Oklahoma oil man Daniel Leeson, who is presentable and eligible, and introduces him to Lucy. While they are all getting acquainted, Jerry arrives for his custody visit with Mr. Smith, and his rowdy antics with the dog drive the others out of the apartment. By the end of the evening, Lucy and Daniel are infatuated. During the next few months, Jerry does everything he can to break up their engagement, but when Daniel's mother, who is adamantly against the engagement, spreads gossip about Lucy, Jerry leaps to her defense. Finally, because of a comedy of errors, Lucy and Daniel do separate, but in the meantime, Jerry has gotten involved with madcap heiress Barbara Vance. On the night before the final divorce decree, Lucy, posing as Jerry's sister, visits the Vance home, pretends to get drunk, parodies the ridiculous cabarat act of one of Jerry's former girlfriends, and behaves so obnoxiously that Jerry is forced to drive her home. Determined not to lose Jerry, Lucy tricks him up to Patsy's cabin, where they are reconciled just before the clock strikes midnight.
On the Wide World of Sports television broadcast, American sportscasters Don Dunphy and Howard Cosell report that the president of the island Republic of San Marcos has been assassinated and replaced by a dictator, General Emilio M. Vargas. Meanwhile in New York, clumsy Fielding Mellish works as a product researcher at General Equipment, where he tests electrically warmed toilet seats, coffins with piped-in music and the new "Execusizer," a gym built into the desks of busy corporate heads. Unhappy with his job, Fielding blames his lack of success on the fact that he never finished college. Fielding has also been unsuccessful in his attempts to date women, until Nancy, a politically active college student, knocks on his door, asking him to sign a petition urging the United States to support the revolutionaries in San Marcos, who are rebelling against the new corrupt dictator. Although Nancy is busy with yoga classes and her women's group, Fielding talks her into going out with him. Smitten, he accompanies her to political rallies and riots, and eventually makes love to her. Fielding's newfound happiness is shattered when Nancy, feeling that "something is missing," breaks up with him. She explains that she needs someone who is a leader, more politically aware, and less emotionally, sexually and intellectually immature. The breakup depresses Fielding so much that he quits his job and decides to go to San Marcos, where he and Nancy had planned to vacation. Before leaving, he visits his parents, a surgeon and nurse who are in the middle of operating on a patient, to explain that he will be gone for a while. Disappointed that Fielding has not followed him into the family business, Dr. Mellish tries to give him confidence by insisting that he take over the operation, but his mother gives him her blessing. In impoverished San Marcos, where each peasant has been ordered to pay the dictator his weight in manure, a captured rebel is tortured by being forced to listen to a recording of Naughty Marietta , which prompts him to confess that the rebels are planning a revolution on July 4th. After Fielding checks into a hotel, he receives an invitation to dine with Vargas at the palace. During the meal, Vargas explains to Fielding that he wants to keep his people safe from Communism by exterminating "a few troublemakers." Vargas ignores Fielding's point that the rebels are not Communists and sticks Fielding with the bill. After Fielding leaves, Vargas and his men decide that Fielding is "perfect" for their plans. Later, Vargas' men, who are disguised as rebels, try to kill Fielding, intending to blame the death of an American citizen on the revolutionaries in order to win United States support for their regime. Fielding escapes, but is then captured by the real rebels, who take him to their leader, Esposito. At the rebels' camp, Fielding is told that Vargas has already reported his death to the newspapers and will kill him to prevent the truth from getting out. The rebels want him to stay and risk his life for their cause, but Fielding believes that being dead is "a tremendous drawback" to one's sex life and prefers to remain cowardly. However, he trains with the rebels and learns about guns, grenades, camouflage and first aid. When the camp is low on food, Fielding is sent to raid the town and, with a few other men, enters a café and orders a couple thousand sandwiches, wheelbarrows of cole slaw and some drinks, then has it delivered. Esposito later sends Fielding and two rebels to kidnap the British ambassador to hold as a hostage until imprisoned sympathizers are freed. While sedating the ambassador with sodium pentothal, Fielding accidentally renders his comrades unconscious. When the ambassador escapes, his revived co-workers flee and Fielding grabs a cross and joins a Catholic procession in order to evade some suspicious soldiers. Meanwhile, mistaking the United Jewish Appeal for the CIA, Vargas makes a pact with them for support, and when the rebels attack, he discovers that the Jewish fundraisers offer little protection. Although the CIA does send men, half the agents are sent to fight for the dictator and the other half to fight against him. His regime defeated, Vargas flees to the safety of Miami. After the rebels' victory, Esposito announces that he is the ruler of San Marcos, and orders that the country's official language will be Swedish and that citizens must now change their underwear every half hour, wearing it outside their clothing so that it can easily be checked. These proclamations and others cause the rebels to realize that power has driven Esposito mad. At the request of his comrades, Fielding takes over as president, but it is soon apparent that San Marcos needs the support of other countries in order to prevent future corrupt dictators from seizing control. The problem, Fielding and his close associates realize, is that Americans think of them as Communists, and Communists believe them to be American puppets. In addition, they have nothing to barter for aid, except bananas. Fielding's advisors urge him to go to the United States and raise money, but he knows that, back home, his reputation as an uneducated product tester has no clout. Disguised in a red beard and mustache, Fielding flies to the United States, where he is officially welcomed as San Marcos' leader. There Fielding's interpreter translates by repeating every English sentence in heavily accented English, until men in white coats with a butterfly net arrive to take him away. During a dinner fundraiser at which he is the speaker, Fielding tries to tell a joke about a farmer who has an incestuous relationship with both his daughters, but decides he is telling it to the wrong crowd. Nancy, who does not recognize him, approaches to express her admiration for the leader and, after they go to bed together, Fielding reveals his true identity, after which Nancy remarks that she now knows why something in their sexual encounter seemed to be missing. Meanwhile, the FBI sees through Fielding's disguise and, based on his record of involvement in riots and protests, assumes that he is trying to subvert the government. On the six o'clock news, newscaster Roger Grimsby reports that Fielding has been charged with being a subversive imposter. At his trial for charges of fraud, inciting a riot, conspiracy to overthrow the government and using the word "thighs" in mixed company, Fielding acts as his own lawyer. Both J. Edgar Hoover, who comes to court disguised as a black transvestite, and Miss America provide testimony against Fielding. Although an acquaintance describes Fielding as a "warm, wonderful human being," the court reporter types that he is a "conniving little rat." While the jury passes around a joint, Fielding, acting as both lawyer and defendant, attempts to cross-examine himself, causing the judge to order him bound and gagged. Fielding is found guilty on twelve counts and sentenced to fifteen years, but the time is suspended if he promises not to move into the judge's neighborhood. A free man, Fielding proposes to Nancy, and their wedding night at the Royal Manhattan Hotel is covered by Dunphy and Cosell for Wide World of Sports . From their spectator-filled hotel suite, Cosell provides a play-by-play description of the action. In an interview with Cosell after the consummation of their marriage, Nancy states that Fielding was not the best she has had, but also not the worst, and Fielding predicts that their next "bout" will occur in late spring. Cosell wraps up the interview by saying that "they may live happily ever after and again they may not," but promises to be there to cover the action.
Martin W. Semple dies and leaves $20 million to his nephew, Longfellow Deeds, a tuba-playing resident of Mandrake Falls, which is a small town in Vermont. John Cedar, the deceased's lawyer, and Cornelius Cobb, a press agent, tell Deeds about his fortune and take him to New York City. Deeds quickly becomes tangled in the problems of the rich, including being the chairman of the board of the local opera company and dismissing a false claimant to the estate. Meanwhile, Cedar tries to obtain power of attorney from Deeds to cover up the half million dollars his firm embezzled from the estate. Cobb fights off the press, with the exception of Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter Babe Bennett, who poses as impoverished Mary Dawson to get a scoop on Deeds. She faints in front of the kindhearted Deeds, who takes her to a restaurant and falls for her almost immediately. The restaurant is a favorite spot for famous writers, and after being introduced to some poets he admires, Deeds realizes they are ridiculing his greeting card poetry. He punches two of the sneering poets, but lets one of them, Morrow, take him on an all-night binge. The normally temperate Deeds gets drunk, feeds donuts to a horse and, wearing only his underwear, is escorted home by the police. The next day a newspaper article appears chronicling his adventures and branding him "The Cinderella Man." Cobb restrains Deeds from any rash action, and although hurt by the article, Deeds carries on. Weeks pass, and Cedar is distraught about not obtaining power of attorney from Deeds, while Mr. and Mrs. Semple, Deeds' cousins, come to the law firm to make a claim against him. During this time, Babe, who is falling in love with Deeds, continues to secretly publish inflammatory articles about him. Soon Deeds and society hostess Madame Pomponi hold a charity reception, but Deeds, sick of his guests' arrogance and eager to keep a date with Babe, throws them out, then rushes to Babe's apartment, gives her a poem and proposes. She quits her job the next morning, hoping that Deeds will forgive her when she tells him the truth. At the same time she is quitting, however, Cobb is revealing her identity to Deeds, who is crushed. He is about to leave for Mandrake Falls when a starving farmer bursts in and accuses him of neglecting the poor by wasting his money on high society high jinks. Inspired by the man's pleas, Deeds decides to give farms to needy families, and devises an $18 million dispersement plan, which horrifies Cedar and the Semples, who have Deeds arrested on an insanity charge. At the sanity hearing, the dispirited Deeds refuses to defend himself, preferring to listen silently to the exaggerations and lies told about him. When Judge May concludes that Deeds must be committed to an asylum, Babe protests in open court, explaining that Deeds is not defending himself because he has been hurt by her and the others. Under cross-examination by Cedar, she admits she loves Deeds, while her editor, MacWade, Cobb and the farmers all urge him to defend himself. He finally takes the stand and points out the eccentricities of others in the courtroom, including those of Judge May and the psychiatrist, then explains that he is giving the money away to those who need it most. Judge May dismisses all the charges against Deeds and the crowd sweeps Deeds out, while Babe remains weeping until he returns to carry her away.
A lone gopher tunnels under the pristine fairways of Bushwood Country Club, where teenaged caddy Danny Noonan works to pay for upcoming college expenses. Danny often caddies for playboy Ty Webb, an intuitive golfer who can sink a putt while blindfolded. Danny, who is from a large family, explains his financial and career uncertainties to Ty, but Ty cannot relate to Danny's problems and encourages him to get in touch with the force in the universe. As Danny and Ty finish their round, snobbish Judge Smails, president of Bushwood, spots the mischievous gopher stealing a hole marker and destroying the course. Incensed, Smails orders the head groundskeeper to rid the course of all gophers. The head groundskeeper, in turn, delegates the job to his assistant, the imbecilic Carl Spackler. At the caddy shack, Danny's boss, Lou Loomis, announces that the recipient of the club's caddy scholarship died from severe anxiety attack during summer school. Seeing an opportunity to fund his education, Danny makes inquiries about the scholarship. Meanwhile, in Bushwood's golf store, Smails is insulted by the aggressive and vulgar Al Czervik, a wealthy developer in town to survey a condominium project. On the course, Smails bickers with Al, who heckles the pompous Smails and his party comprised of Smails's friends, the Bishop and Dr. Beeper. Danny, who hopes to curry favor and win the scholarship, volunteers to caddy for Smails. While overlooking Smails's cheating, Danny talks about his inability to pay for an education and falsely claims he wants to be a lawyer, but Smails brushes Danny's clumsy pleas for financial assistance aside. Smails's attention is focused on Al, who plays loud music, drinks beer and continues to harass him. Enraged by Al, Smails throws his putter, hitting a woman and knocking her unconscious. After Danny takes the blame for the incident, Smails warms to him and says that Danny might get the scholarship if he wins the upcoming caddy tournament. Meanwhile, Carl begins his assault on the gopher's tunnel by hosing water into it, but the gopher escapes and geysers of water flood the course. During dinner at the club's restaurant, Al continues to insult Smails and makes vulgar jokes loud enough for all to hear. Ty flirts with Smails's promiscuous niece, Lacey, who later accompanies him home for a sexual encounter. That night, Carl attempts to kill the gopher by dressing in camouflage, attaching a large flashlight to a rifle and aiming at the varmint as he exits his hole, but the gopher escapes. The next day, when Danny and another caddy, Tony, compete in the caddy golf tournament, Danny wins by sinking a putt on the final green. While congratulating Danny, Smails invites him to mow his lawn and attend the forthcoming christening of his sloop. At the launch, Danny becomes distracted by Lacey, who takes him home to have sex. As the ceremony proceeds, Al, who is boating in his cruiser, sees Smails's party and speeds toward them, disturbing other boaters in his path and dropping anchor through the deck of Smails's sloop. When Smails returns home, he walks in on Danny and Lacey's tryst, and chases Danny from the house with golf club in hand. Danny spends the night in the caddy shack, where, the next morning, his girl friend, Maggie, tells him she believes she is pregnant. Danny offers to marry her, but Maggie refuses and says the baby might not be his. Danny is summoned to Smails's office. Rather than the punishment Danny expects, Smails asks him to keep quiet about his relations with Lacey and be his "pal." Later in the day, Smails argues with Al, who intends to buy the country club. To settle their dispute, Al suggests they shoot a round of eighteen holes for $20,000 with teams of two--Smails and Dr. Beeper vs. Al and Ty. Eventually, everyone agrees, including Ty, who has no interest in competing but is provoked by Smails's arrogance. Before the game, Danny encounters a jubilant Maggie who has learned she is not pregnant. Relieved, Danny confides he is unhappy with the way he has ingratiated himself with Smails to win the scholarship, but Maggie assures him that he is a good guy who will do the right thing. While Carl prepares a final assault to rid the course of gophers with plastic explosives, the four golfers begin their showdown. Danny reluctantly caddies for Smails to keep his chance for the scholarship alive. Ty, Smails and Dr. Beeper begin shooting well, but Al plays terribly. After the initial nine holes and a raising of the stakes to $40,000, Al feigns an arm injury and claims he needs a substitute. When Ty chooses Danny as Al's replacement, Al offers to make it worth Danny's while. In defiance of Smails, Danny agrees to play, knowing he has forfeited the scholarship. Danny plays well, allowing his team to tie with Smails and Dr. Beeper before the last green. Dr. Beeper and Ty miss their final putts, but Smails, using his trusty old "Billy Baroo" putter, sinks his. With the game on the line, Danny prepares his final shot when Al ups the ante to $80,000. Danny's putt stops just short of the hole, resting on the lip. Just then, Carl detonates the explosives, shaking the course and knocking Danny's ball into the cup. Smails's beloved course is destroyed and, in the wake of the destruction, Carl escapes and so, too, does the gopher.
One morning, like every morning, Jim Blandings, a $15,000-a-year advertising executive, wakes in his cramped Manhattan apartment and is forced to compete with his wife Muriel and their two children, Joan and Betsy, for bathroom privileges and closet space. Jim then learns from his best friend, lawyer Bill Cole, that Muriel has been talking to an interior decorator, who wants $7,000 to remodel the apartment. After vetoing the remodeling scheme, Jim goes to work, where he notices an ad for Connecticut real estate and decides suddenly that the family should move there. Soon after, an unscrupulous real estate agent named Smith convinces the trusting couple to buy a rundown Connecticut farm for $10,000. Later, Bill, who has discovered that the Blandings have not only been overcharged for the land, but have been hoodwinked about the farm's actual size, advises Jim and Muriel to re-negotiate the deal. Unwilling to jeopardize his idealized purchase, Jim refuses to file a complaint, but takes Bill's suggestion to consult a structural expert before renovating the dilapidated farmhouse. When Bill's expert declares that the house should be torn down, Jim and Muriel seek several "second" opinions and eventually hire architect Henry L. Simms, who convinces them to build a new house. Simms's modest plans for a new house are immediately expanded by Jim and Muriel, who demand one bathroom and two closets for each family member, as well as various hobby rooms. After the old house has been destroyed, Jim and Muriel learn that, because they failed to ask the holder of their mortgage for permission to tear down the property, they now owe him $6,000, the amount outstanding on their original loan. Although dubious about the entire deal, Bill offers to help Jim arrange to use his insurance policy as collateral for the construction loan. Soon after, however, Simms informs the couple that their additions will add $11,000 to the cost of construction. Shocked by the revised estimates, Jim and Muriel are about to terminate the deal when they see Simms's sketch for their dream house and are lovestruck by it. As soon as work gets underway on the house, unforeseen construction problems and questionable workmen begin to plague the Blandings. An imbedded stone "ledge" requires blasting before the foundation can be laid, and the water well cannot be built until costly drilling reveals a water source. Jim's work, meanwhile, is suffering because of his domestic distractions, and he is told by Bill, the firm's lawyer, that unless he comes up with a winning ad campaign for Wham ham in six months, his boss will fire him. Although confident his creativity will return, Jim is distressed to learn that, while an underground spring has been found, it is located under the house's proposed foundation and will have to be drained. Finally, following weeks of setbacks, the house's foundation is laid and building begins. Before the house is completed, however, the Blandings are evicted from their apartment. As soon as they move to their new home, Jim is informed that the window panes are the wrong size and that, in order to catch the early train to Manhattan, he must wake up at 5:30 every morning. Betsy and Joan then tell their harried father, who has felt increasingly jealous of Bill's close relationship with Muriel, that Bill's fraternity pin is in their mother's jewelry box and show him a diary entry from her college days in which she lovingly describes Bill. Jim later confronts Muriel with this "evidence," but she scoffs at his accusations and reassures him that she loves only him. A few months later, however, while Jim spends the night at the office trying to come up with his Wham slogan, Bill is stranded in rainy Connecticut and ends up staying the night alone with Muriel. Though still without his winning slogan, Jim decides to return home, fully aware that his departure will cost him his job. At home, after being told by Simms that a seemingly innocuous building request by Muriel has resulted in an additional $1,200 charge, Jim sees Bill dressed in his pajamas. Although Bill and Muriel maintain their innocence, Jim is furious and declares that he hates the house and wants to sell it. Before Jim's tirade concludes, however, one of the workmen interrupts to confess that he overcharged the Blandings $12.36 for his work and offers them a refund. Bill then tells the suddenly shamed Jim that, despite his criticisms, he truly loves the house and acknowledges that some things in life must be bought with the heart, not the head. Now convinced to stay in the house with his faithful wife, Jim is further relieved when Gussie, the maid, utters the phrase "If you ain't eatin' Wham, you ain't eatin' ham" while serving breakfast. Jim turns the phrase into his job-saving slogan, and sometime later, he, Muriel, Joan, Betsy and Gussie enjoy their beautiful dream house with their dear friend Bill.
Four stowaways, Groucho, Harpo, Chico and Zeppo, are discovered aboard a luxury liner and are chased for the entire voyage by Captain Corcoran and his crew. At various times during the chase, Harpo becomes part of a Punch and Judy show, and Chico and Harpo impersonate the barber. Groucho hides in a closet in gangster Alky Briggs's stateroom, and when Groucho emerges from the closet, he finds Lucille, Briggs's wife, alone and flirts with her. Briggs suddenly comes in, and after Zeppo also bursts into the room, Briggs hires Groucho and Zeppo as his bodyguards. Meanwhile, Chico and Harpo wander into rival gangleader Joe Helton's room to play a game of chess and become his bodyguards. Briggs enters Helton's stateroom and announces his takeover of Helton's territory, but Helton orders him out, with the help of Chico and Harpo. Groucho later hires himself out to Helton as his personal bodyguard in an attempt to baffle logic. When the ocean liner docks, the stowaways try to impersonate singer Maurice Chevalier, whose passport Zeppo stole, but are unsuccessful. When a man faints, the stowaways hide in his stretcher and are carried off the ship. Later, Mary Helton is kidnapped at her coming-out party by Briggs's men and is held in the barn. Because Briggs has told Groucho of his plan, Groucho and the boys warn Helton and then go to the barn. A fight ensues, during which Zeppo rescues Mary and later knocks Briggs out just as Helton arrives.
Newly divorced housewife Judy Bernly reports for her first day of work, and senior supervisor Violet Newstead shows her around the office. Suddenly, Roz Keith, administrative assistant to the boss, Franklin M. Hart, Jr., reprimands Violet for the sloppiness of the workers she supervises. In Hart's office, Hart gives Judy a pep talk on teamwork, then asks Violet to buy a scarf for his wife. When she refuses, he accuses her of not being a team player. Once Judy is assigned a desk, she nervously types, clumsily works the phone, and fumbles with the Rolodex. While shopping for a scarf for Hart's wife, Violet explains there is a rumor circulating that secretary Doralee Rhodes is Hart's mistress. The news resonates with Judy, whose husband has left her for his secretary, while Violet asserts that Hart will never leave his adoring wife. However, Hart confesses to Doralee that he is madly in love with her, gropes her against her will, and they fall to the floor right when his wife, Missy Hart, enters to chat about cruises for their next vacation. Suddenly, Violet sees Doralee wearing the scarf intended for Hart's wife, and assumes the rumors are true that Doralee and Hart are indeed lovers. The next day, Violet reluctantly fixes a cup of coffee for Hart, who ignores her report on improving office efficiency. Later, when the company president, Mr. Hinkle, announces that he is going to implement all of Hart's efficiency suggestions, Violet realizes Hart has taken credit for her work. At home, Violet complains to her son, Josh, who encourages her to confront Hart, but she explains that she prefers to avoid controversy while she is in line for a promotion. Soon, Violet learns that the promotion has been given to Bob Enright, a colleague whom she trained and who has five years less experience than her. Hart insists customers prefer to work with a man when it comes to finances. Enraged, Violet demands that Hart stop referring to her as a "girl," confronts him about his affair with Doralee, then heads to a nearby bar. When Doralee hears the false accusation, she tells Hart she is tired of his sexual advances and threatens to shoot him with the gun in her purse. Violet, Doralee, and Judy commiserate over drinks about the unjust firing of another secretary. When Violet finds her son's marijuana cigarette in her purse, they take the party to Doralee's house, where the women fantasize about giving Hart a taste of his own sexism. Judy dreams of hunting Hart like an animal and mounting his head on the wall. Doralee would hog tie Hart after she rejects her sexual advances and Violet, as Snow White, would spike Hart's coffee with poison and eject him out the window. Later, Violet fixes coffee for Hart, and confesses to another secretary, Betty, that she is close to the breaking point. Hart never has a chance to drink the coffee because the broken mechanism on his chair causes him to hit his head and become unconscious. While Doralee rides with Hart in an ambulance to the hospital, Violet believes that she accidentally put rat poison in Hart's coffee, mistaking the poison box for sugar substitute. She and Judy race to the hospital, where they overhear the doctor say a patient has died from poison. The women assume it is Hart, causing Violet to panic. She kidnaps the dead body, stuffs it in the trunk of her car, and speeds off while Judy and Doralee try to calm her. When Violet crashes the car, Doralee searches for a tire iron in the trunk, and realizes that the dead man is not Hart. The women return the corpse to the hospital, still unaware of what has happened to their boss. The next day, Hart returns to work as if nothing has happened. The three women think they have avoided trouble, but Roz overhears their bathroom conversation and reports back to Hart, who threatens to go to the police unless Doralee sleeps with him. When she refuses, the three women kidnap Hart and keep him tied up at his mansion while his wife is on vacation. Violet then discovers evidence that Hart has embezzled from the company, so they keep him hostage, covering up his absence at the office. When the invoices that will prove Hart's guilt are delayed for several weeks, they send Roz away to take an immersive course in foreign language study when she becomes suspicious. As Violet, Judy and Doralee count the days, they make welcomed policy changes at the office. Meanwhile, Hart's wife, Missy, returns early from her cruise to find her husband held captive, but he convinces her that he is trying out a new fitness program and sends her to a hotel. When Doralee finds out Missy is back, the women scramble to save their plan, but Hart grabs Doralee's gun and orders Judy and Doralee back to the office. In an effort to save himself, Hart restocks a warehouse and alters the invoices Violet planned to use as evidence. However, Hart panics when he receives an unexpected visit from Russell Tinsworthy, the chairman of the board. Tinsworthy hands Hart a bottle of champagne and congratulates him on achieving a twenty percent increase in productivity in six weeks. As Violet points out program changes like flexible hours and in-house day care, Tinswothy gives Hart a bonus as an incentive to head up company operations in Brazil. Judy, Violet, and Doralee drink the champagne and toast their good fortune.
In 1892, in New York's Bowery, singer and femme fatale Lady Lou is mistress to saloon proprietor Gus Jordan, who is running for sheriff, but maintains a counterfeit money racket. Jordan's rival, Dan Flynn, intends to expose Jordan and win the office of sheriff, as well as Lou. When pretty runaway Sally tries to commit suicide in Gus's tavern, Lou comes to her aid, and Gus and his accomplices, Serge Stanieff and Russian Rita, give her a job picking pockets on the Barbary Coast. Later Lou visits her jailed ex-lover, Chick Clark, whom Flynn helped send to prison for stealing diamonds for Lou, and Chick demands that she remain faithful to him. Lou falls for Captain Cummings, the handsome and pious preacher of the mission next door, however, and arranges for his mortgage to be paid. A string of incidents then puts Lou in a tight spot: after Flynn tells her a new detective in town called "The Hawk" is going to expose Gus, Cummings demands to know Sally's whereabouts, but Lou swears she knows nothing of Gus's business. Chick then breaks out of jail and nearly chokes Lou, begging her to run away with him. Next, Serge answers Lou's long-standing invitation to visit her boudoir and, in Rita's presence, confesses his love for her, while giving her a diamond brooch that belongs to Rita. In a jealous rage, Rita attacks Lou with a dagger, and Lou accidentally kills her, then orders her henchman, Spider, to dispose of the body. As Lou performs that night, Chick comes to pick her up and hides in her room, while Lou gives Flynn a signal from the stage to meet her there as well. Chick shoots Flynn dead just as Cummings, who is really The Hawk, raids the saloon, arresting Serge, Gus, Spider and Chick. Cummings then escorts Lou, who insists on wearing her wrap, to the police wagon, but lifts her into a coach instead. There, he removes her diamond rings and replaces them with one of his own, telling her, "I'm gonna be your jailer for a long, long time."
During the winter of 1934, in Paris, France, a young socialite named Richard Di Nardo awakens and callously demands to borrow money from his elder male lover, nightclub performer Carroll "Toddy" Todd. After Richard leaves, Toddy enters Chez Lui, the nightclub where he works, and watches struggling singer Victoria Grant audition for the unimpressed Monsieur Labisse. Once again rejected for her operatic voice, Victoria trudges through the snowy streets, swooning with hunger. Upon returning to her dingy hotel, she evades the proprietor's demand for her rent and faints on the floor, but fearfully revives at the sight of a cockroach in the room. During a performance at Chez Lui that evening, Toddy starts a fight with a group of snobbish patrons, and is fired. As he leaves, he spots Victoria devouring a multi-course meal in a lower-class restaurant. He compliments her singing voice, and she invites him to join her for dinner, revealing that she has captured the cockroach from her hotel and plans to skip the bill by hiding it in her food. Suspicious, the manager insists Victoria pay for Toddy's "bug-less" meal, but the other diners panic, allowing her and Toddy to escape. After Toddy catches a cold in the rain, Victoria accompanies him to his apartment and tells him about her past as an opera soprano in Bath, England, with her former husband, Sam. As she prepares to leave, she finds that her dress and coat have shrunk, and Toddy insists she stay the night. The next morning, Victoria dresses in Richard's suit. Inspired by her androgynous appearance, Toddy cuts her hair and brings her to Paris's most respected agent, Andre Cassell, presenting her as his lover, Polish female impersonator, "Count Victor Grazinski." Sneaking past the agent's uptight receptionist, Toddy has "Victor" sing for Cassell, who immediately signs him to open a show at one of the city's most exclusive clubs. For the opening night performance, "Victor" is introduced as a female stage performer named "Victoria," and successfully fools the audience into believing "he" is a woman. When he removes his wig, the reveal confuses King Marchan, a successful nightclub owner from Chicago, Illinois, who found himself attracted to "Victoria." Despite gushing praise from his date, Norma Cassady, King remains skeptical about the singer's true sex. As "Victor" criticizes his preoccupation with gender stereotypes, Victoria finds him attractive, but insufferably arrogant. Outside, Norma is surprised to learn that Toddy is homosexual, and laughs at the possibility of having a sexual encounter with a woman. Toddy surprises Victoria by checking into an extravagant hotel, coincidentally located across the street from King and Norma's room. Momentarily aroused by the sight of "Victor" through the window, King is unable to make love with Norma. Fed up with her incessant talking, King stuffs a bar of soap in her mouth and orders his bodyguard, "Squash" Bernstein, to send her back to Chicago. Following another performance, King sneaks into the bathroom closet of "Victor's" hotel room and watches as Victoria undresses for a bath. Satisfied that she is actually a woman, he crawls out of the hotel room unnoticed. Meanwhile, in Chicago, Norma resumes her act as a lascivious nightclub singer and tells King's corrupt gangster business partner, Sal Andratti, the reason for her break-up with King. In Paris, King invites "Victor," Andre, and Toddy to dinner to discuss a deal for "Victor" to perform at his American nightclub. As Toddy and Andre excuse themselves from the table, King questions "Victor" about his supposed relationship with Toddy and invites the group to accompany him to Chez Lui later that evening. Once there, "Victor" is instantly recognized and ushered onstage to sing with Toddy. However, the club's patrons cause another commotion, and King escapes with "Victor" moments before the police arrive. Proclaiming he does not care if he is a man, King kisses "Victor," prompting the imposter to admit, "I'm not a man," as she returns the embrace. Later, Squash barges in on King and Victoria making love, and, mistakenly believing his boss is gay, happily confesses his own homosexuality. Although King urges Victoria to end her charade, she admits that pretending to be a man has "emancipated" her with opportunities she could never have as a woman. Because she refuses to give up performing as "Victor," King remains concerned that people will think he is a homosexual. Victoria is disappointed, and they decide not to pursue their relationship. Shortly after, however, Squash begins an affair with Toddy, and King gets a black eye from fighting one of the instigators of the club disaster, prompting him to ask Victoria if they can try living together. Meanwhile, Chez Lui's Monsieur Labisse, wallowing in his now-empty venue, hires private investigator Charles Bovin to uncover "Victor's" true identity. Still disguised, Victoria continues her relationship with King, each of them struggling to appreciate activities the other enjoys. One night, at her request, they go dancing at a gay club, but King's overwhelming discomfort forces them to leave. Sending Victoria home, King visits a grungy bar and attempts to assert his masculinity by starting a fistfight with the working-class patrons. Eventually, however, they make amends and he leads them in a drunken chorus of "Home On The Range." As the lovesick Victoria's increasing unhappiness about being separated from King begins to affect her work as "Victor," she decides to reveal her true identity after the show the following night. Moments later, Squash announces that King's relationship with the thought-to-be man has gotten him in trouble with the homophobic Sal, who has arrived with Norma to sever their business connection. Barging into their meeting, "Victor" pushes Norma into a bedroom and undresses, exposing her femininity and salvaging King's reputation with the gangster. Before "Victor's" final show, Labisse arrives with a police inspector to threaten Andre, Toddy, and Victoria with fraud. However, they leave "Victor's" dressing room thoroughly assured that the partially nude performer they saw was, in fact, a man. A few moments later, Victoria, donning a feminine dress and hairstyle, joins King at his table in the audience. The final performance begins, revealing that Toddy has assumed "Victor's" "Victoria" stage persona, clumsily parading around the theater to the crowd's uproarious laughter and applause.
A bride and groom are inexplicably prevented from attending their wedding by their exact doubles, who then marry. Six years later, Tom and Gerry Jeffer's Park Avenue apartment manager shows their apartment to prospective tenants while they are still in residence because they are behind in rent. An elderly sausage manufacturer, known as the "Wienie King," who is looking at the apartment is so smitten by Gerry that he gives her $700 to pay all the bills. Gerry is tired of being broke and is doubly frustrated because Tom, a struggling architect, has continually rejected her attempts to use her beauty to get financial backers for his projects. Although she is still in love with Tom, Gerry so firmly believes that she has held her husband back that she leaves him, despite his earnest efforts to deter her. At Pennsylvania Station, Gerry uses her feminine wiles to get The Ale and Quail Club, a men's hunting club that has reserved an entire car, to buy her a ticket on the train headed for Palm Beach, Florida. The Club proves too rowdy, however, and after the men shoot out the windows she escapes into a sleeper car, where she accidentally breaks John D. Hackensacker III's spectacles while climbing into the upper berth. In the morning, Gerry discovers that the conductors have disconnected the Club's car because of their unruliness and have thereby left her without her suitcase. John, one of the wealthiest men in the world, takes an interest in Gerry and disembarks with her in Jacksonville, Florida. There the normally frugal multimillionaire takes pleasure in buying Gerry an entire wardrobe of extravagant clothes and a ruby bracelet. Gerry is thrilled when she discovers she has made the acquaintance of one of the richest men in the world, and accompanies him on his yacht to Palm Beach. When she sees Tom waiting at the dock for her, Gerry introduces him as her brother, "Captain McGloo." John's sister, the much-divorced Princess Maud Centimillia, who is ready to discard yet another suitor, Toto, immediately makes advances toward Tom. Gerry and Tom stay at the Hackensacker mansion, and while John woos Gerry, Maud woos Tom. Gerry, meanwhile, successfully interests John in becoming a financial backer of Tom's plans for a suspended airport. One evening, John, who has fallen in love with Gerry, serenades her underneath her balcony to the accompaniment of an orchestra, not realizing that he is providing the romantic background for Gerry and Tom to reunite. The next morning, Gerry gently rejects John's marriage proposal and reveals to a stunned John and Maud that she and Tom are not brother and sister, but are husband and wife. Always pragmatic, John vows to fulfill his commitment as a backer for Tom's project, and he and Maud are delighted when they learn that Tom and Gerry have twin siblings. A joint marriage soon takes place.
When two stowaways, Jeff Peters and Orville "Turkey" Jackson, accidentally cause a freighter to explode off the coast of North Africa, they float to shore on a makeshift raft, encounter a camel, and ride it across the desert to Morocco. Once there, they spend their time trying to get food without money until Jeff sells Orville into slavery for two hundred drachmas. Orville is carried away by his Arabian owner, and Jeff is unable to locate him. When someone directs Jeff to the palace at the end of a street, a note from Orville floats down from the wall, advising him that he is being tortured and that Jeff should give up the search and flee the city for his own safety. Jeff instead climbs the palace wall and finds his friend dressed like a prince and being "tortured" by the caresses of the Princess Shalmar. Orville is deliriously happy that Shalmar has chosen to marry him and resents Jeff's intrusion, but Shalmar immediately falls in love with Jeff and invites him to stay for the wedding. Unknown to both men, Shalmar has decided to marry Orville, rather than Mullay Kasim, her real fiancé, because her prophet has determined that her first husband will die violently within the first week of marriage. Orville backs out of the marriage when he learns the truth from a harem girl who is in love with him, and when the prophet later reveals that his forecast was erroneous because of some insects in his telescope, Shalmar then chooses to marry Jeff. Jeff, Orville, Shalmar and the harem girl try to flee the city, but an angry Kasim kidnaps them. After leaving the men for dead in the desert, Kasim takes the women to his encampment. Jeff and Orville wander through the desert and see mirages of a drive-in hamburger stand and an alluring singing image of Shalmar until they stumble on an oasis near Kasim's camp. They are captured and imprisoned by Kasim, who refrains from killing them only because it is his wedding night. Jeff and Orville outwit their guards and escape, then wreak havoc on the wedding party by poking holes in the drinking cup of the guest of honor, a former enemy of Kasim, putting gunpowder in the cigarettes, and igniting the guests's clothing. Kasim's angry guest declares war, and a huge brawl erupts in the tent, which Jeff and Orville cause to collapse. Jeff, Orville, Shalmar and the harem girl then escape on horseback, eventually boarding an ocean liner for the United States. When Orville lights a cigarette, he mistakes the "Powder Room" for the bathroom and causes the ship to explode. The two couples raft the rest of the way to New York City.
Harold Lamb, an eager, uncoordinated college freshman who yearns to be the most popular man on campus, incurs contempt from a college cad and others when he emulates the demeanor of a movie college man. He tries to win friendship by spending most of his college money treating his classmates, but is only truly liked by Peggy, the daughter of his landlady. Harold, who now likes to go by the nickname "Speedy," tries further measures to make himself popular and attempts to join the football team. Because the football coach admires the unathletic Harold's spirit, he makes him the team waterboy but lets him think he is actually an alternate. Harold soon throws a big party for the Fall Frolic and is happy at his seeming popularity, even though his only baste-stitched tuxedo falls apart, despite the best efforts of the college tailor. When the campus cad tries to force himself on Peggy, the now disheveled Harold fights him. In retaliation, the cad tells him his true role on the football team. Although shattered by the revelation, Harold is consoled by Peggy, who tells him that people will like him if he will just be himself. A short time later, during the big game, Harold finally gains an opportunity to prove himself on the football field by scoring the winning goal after injuries leave the team short-handed. Finally able to be himself, Harold wins popularity as well as the love of Peggy.
In the year 2173, doctors revive cryogenically frozen Miles Monroe, a Greenwich Village health food store owner and ragtime clarinet player, who entered a hospital in 1973 for a routine ulcer operation and never regained consciousness. When Miles's tinfoil protective covering is peeled off, he wakes up a fugitive in a totalitarian state called the American Federation. The doctors hide the illegally defrosted Miles at Dr. Melik's house, marveling at his quaint requests for organic foods and his ignorance of the health benefits of steak, deep-fried foods and hot fudge. Soon, the doctors ask Miles to help them learn about the Aries Project, which they suspect is The Leader's plot to destroy their revolutionary movement, adding that Miles's brain will be reprogrammed if his identity is revealed. Just as Miles declines to participate, security police swarm, enabling him to escape as the doctors are captured. Hiding in a nearby van full of robots, Miles uses spare parts to disguise himself as one of them and is delivered to the home of poet Luna Schlosser, who is disappointed by her new servant's facial features, but needs help for a party that evening. Instructed by Luna to prepare food for her guests, Miles spoons instant pudding powder into a bowl, immediately producing a viscous mass, which is enveloping the counter as the doorbell sounds. After accidentally incinerating the guests' wraps, Miles struggles with the rampaging pudding in the kitchen, beating it into submission with a broom while Luna and her artist friends become intoxicated from passing around an orb. After the party, Luna and her painter friend Herald enter the orgasmatron, a device which simulates sex. After climaxing, they emerge chatting casually, after which Luna recites her new poem about a butterfly turning into a caterpillar and then has a tantrum when Herald points out the biological flaw of its premise. Luna is calmed when they turn to the telescreen, a huge television, and waves back to The Leader as he bids them goodnight. The next day, Luna takes her new robot to have his head replaced with a more attractive one, but before Miles is decapitated, he slips out to her car, explaining that he is a man from the past. When Luna responds to Miles's request for help with screams, trying to expose him as an alien, Miles hijacks her car and drives to the woods, where he gags her. Miles offers Luna safety if she will help him reach the underground, and eventually, overtaken by hunger, Luna agrees to help Miles if he will feed her. Finding gigantic produce growing at a farm, Miles is peeling a canoe-sized banana when the farmer arrives and they both repeatedly slip on the peel. After stunning the farmer with a strawberry, Miles returns to the woods where he and Luna dine on an enormous celery stalk and huge slices of banana. When Miles forces Luna to accompany him to a house where he asks to borrow a car, Luna contacts the police, who instruct her to detain the alien. Borrowing their host's inflatable hydrovac suit, Luna convinces Miles to wear it as a disguise, then drives to a deserted road near a river where she inflates the suit in order to disable Miles as the police approach. As Miles bounces away, the police seize Luna and, due to her exposure to the alien, and are about to kill her when Miles pounces from behind. Running to the river, Luna climbs onto the buoyant Miles, paddling until the police fire a shot into his suit, propelling them to the other side. There, Miles finds a twentieth century Volkswagon, which starts immediately. As they drive away, Luna asks what it is like to be dead for two hundred years, to which Miles replies it is like a weekend in Beverly Hills. Miles and Luna take refuge in Dr. Melik's deserted house where Luna suggests they use the orgasmatron, but Miles tries to win her over to more primitive ways of making love. Interrupted by the police, Miles gives Luna Dr. Melik's gun, telling her to hide until he can lead them to the western district where they will find out about the Aries Project. Miles is hiding in the orgasmatron when the police find him disheveled and grinning like a zombie. They lead him away, then later, he wakes up in a drawer and is informed that he will be initiated into a society that will completely take care of his needs and desires. After being reprogrammed, fitted with new clothes and moved into a new apartment, complete with a robot dog named Rags, Miles is soon working at a new job and dating a pretty co-worker. Now living alone in the woods, Luna is captured by handsome, blond Erno Windt , a leader with the underground, and becomes a revolutionary. After dinner at McDonalds one night, Miles is surprised at home by Luna, whom he does not remember and, horrified to learn that she is with the underground, he calls for Rags to attack as Erno jumps out of the orgasmatron. Captured and taken to the woods, Miles is reprogrammed again. After regaining his personality and memory, Miles is attracted to Luna, but sadly realizes she is involved with Erno. Agreeing to help with Erno's plan for Aries Day, Miles and Luna infiltrate a medical facility disguised as doctors, and as Miles jealously bickers with Luna over her feelings for Erno, they are surprised by a team of physicians who mistake them for expected guests. Entering a top- secret meeting, they all learn that an assassin's bomb has destroyed The Leader, except for his nose, which now must be cloned. Miles and Luna determine to create a diversion and steal the nose, but instead, find themselves in an operating theater with the doctors ready to observe them performing the procedure. After stalling as long as they can, Miles hides the nose under his surgical mask, but it is quickly discovered. Miles holds the nose hostage with Dr. Melik's gun while he and Luna run off, then ultimately throws it under a steamroller where it is flattened, to the horror of the doctors and police. Having successfully escaped, Luna ecstatically proclaims that Erno's revolution will soon triumph, but Miles retorts that political solutions never work, adding that in six months, someone will be stealing Erno's nose. Agreeing that they love each other, Luna ruefully informs Miles that science has proven meaningful relationships cannot last. When Miles refutes the theory, she observes that he does not believe in science, political systems or God and asks what he does believe in. Miles answers that he believes in sex and death, two things that come once in a lifetime, but after death one is not nauseous. Finally, Miles and Luna kiss.
When the Sap, a wealthy young man, sees a black couple in an affectionate embrace, he determines to marry right away. After the wealthy girl who lives across the street refuses him, he decides to take a sea voyage to Honolulu. Following a series of misadventures, the Sap and the girl wind up adrift on the deserted ship and initially find it difficult to fend for themselves. They eventually are able to care for themselves, and after weeks adrift arrive at an island inhabitated by cannibals. The girl is kidnapped by the cannibals, but the boy rescues her by frightening the cannibals by appearing in a diving suit. They are eventually rescued by a submarine and share their first kiss.
At a Jewish wedding, Judy Benjamin and lawyer Yale Goodman pledge their vows and dance with family and friends. Leading Judy away from the party to the limousine, Yale complains of a headache and asks Judy to relieve it with oral sex. Later, Judy's parents, Teddy and Harriet Benjamin, present the couple with a sizeable dowry. That night, Yale dies as he makes love to Judy, and, after the funeral, Judy is inconsolable. When she overhears her parents discussing what to do with her, Judy runs away to a motel. Talking on air to a radio talk show host, Judy confesses she has never been alone and a man calls the station, offering assistance. When Judy meets with the caller, she realizes he is Sergeant Jim Ballard, an army recruiter. Showing her a picture of yachts at Fort Ord in Monterey, California, Jim promises Judy that she will find a glamorous job in the service, possibly in Europe, with free housing and a paid vacation. When Jim assures Judy that she can quit at any time, she takes a pledge of allegiance and enlists. At Fort Biloxi in Mississippi, drill instructor Sergeant L. C. Ross finds Judy asleep on the bus and punishes her with push-ups. Later, in the barracks, Captain Doreen Lewis commends Private Wanda Winter's tidy locker and feigns amusement at Judy's complaints. After Judy points out that the toilet is unsanitary, Lewis orders her to spend the night cleaning it with her electric toothbrush and before she can sleep, Ross wakes the recruits for an announcement by post commander Colonel Clay Thornbush. As Judy struggles through training, her friends warn it is impossible to quit the army. That night, Judy is beaten by Private Tina Gianelli, a fellow trainee who chose the military over a prison sentence, and Judy decides to run away. When Ross alerts Lewis to Judy's attempted escape, he finds his superior in an intimate embrace with Captain William Woolridge. As punishment for Judy's infraction, Lewis orders the platoon to march circles in the rain and when Judy whines, the other recruits repudiate her. Ross calls Judy into a day room, where Teddy and Harriet wait for their daughter, angry that she disappeared for eight days. When Teddy suggests Judy is not competent to make her own decisions, she refuses to sign Lewis's release form and remains in the army. Back in training, Judy displays a new commitment and gains the respect of Gianelli. Sometime later, Thornbush announces the start of the Biloxi war games and Ross assigns Judy and her team to guard a swamp. After getting lost, the girls build a campfire, smoke marijuana, and talk about sex. Judy confesses she has only experienced one mediocre orgasm and tells her friends about Yale's death. The following morning, Judy's group stumbles upon the rival team's headquarters and seize control. They discover Lewis's lover, Woolridge, making love to Winter, Lewis's favorite recruit, and hold them as prisoners. Judy deceptively announces that the game is over, encouraging rival soldiers to come out of hiding, and wins the mock war by capturing them. Judy then exposes Woolridge and Winter, half dressed, to Lewis as the recruits cheer. Commending Judy for the victory, Thornbush offers her team a ride back to the fort in his helicopter and introduces them to his paratrooper "Thornbirds." Later, as the girls celebrate with Ross, Lewis arrives at the barracks drunk, angry about her humiliation, and announces that she has been assigned to a new post. That night, Judy sneaks blue dye into Lewis's showerhead and the next day at graduation, the captain is covered with makeup to conceal the color on her face. On leave, Judy and her friends go to a bar where she runs into an old friend, Selma Lemish, and is introduced to a handsome French gynecologist named Henri Tremont. Charmed, Judy leaves the bar with Henri and when they make love, she has an orgasm. Back at the fort, Judy learns that she has been appointed as the first female Thornbird. When Judy is afraid to make her first parachute jump, she is ambushed by Thornbush's sexual advances, and leaps from the airplane. Later, Thornbush transfers Judy to a desk job in Greenland. Threatening to expose Thornbush's indiscretion, Judy negotiates for a "procurement" job in Paris, but soon discovers that Captain Lewis is working at the same office and is withholding Judy's security clearance so she cannot advance in her position. Meanwhile, Judy renews her relationship with Henri, who has recently ended an affair with a woman named Claire, and learns that he joined the Communist Party for a week to impress her. After Lewis interrogates Judy about Henri's suspicious party affiliation, General Foley says she will be released from the military if she continues to associate with Henri. Choosing to marry Henri, Judy calls her parents and prepares for her wedding. Henri notices Claire on the street in Paris, but later assuages Judy's jealousy by telling her that he wants to have a baby. However, when Henri asks her to sign a prenuptial agreement, Judy questions his faith in their marriage and begins to resent her role as a housewife. After meeting her parents at the airport, Judy discovers the maid's necklace in her bed and accuses Henri of having an affair. Henri complains that Judy no longer respects him and she apologizes. On their wedding day, however, Henri arrives late, claiming that he had to comfort Claire after she was beaten by her new boyfriend. Although Judy goes ahead with the ceremony, she remembers the dominating men in her life, including Yale and her father, and breaks up with Henri at the altar. When Henri admits to a one-night stand with the maid, belittles Judy's service in the army, and calls her stupid, she punches him, throws off her veil and walks down the road to a new life.
Following the wedding of his daughter Kay, Stanley T. Banks, a suburban lawyer, recalls the day, three months earlier, when he first learned of Kay's engagement to Buckley Dunstan: At the family dinner table, Kay's casual announcement that she is in love with Buckley and has accepted his proposal makes Stanley feel uneasy, but he soon comes to realize that his daughter has grown up and the wedding is inevitable. While Ellie, Kay's mother, immediately begins making preparations for the wedding, Stanley lies awake at night, fearing the worst for his daughter. Stanley's misgivings about the marriage eventually make Ellie anxious, and she insists that Kay introduce them to Buckley's parents. Kay calls the tradition "old-fashioned rigamarole," but arranges the meeting nevertheless. Before the introduction, Stanley has a private conversation with Buckley, and is pleased to learn that the young man is the head of a small company and that he is capable of providing a comfortable life for Kay. The Bankses' first meeting with Doris and Herbert, Buckley's parents, gets off to an awkward start, and goes from bad to worse when Stanley drinks too much and falls asleep in the wealthy Dunstans' living room. Following Kay and Buckley's engagement party, Stanley, who misses the entire party because he is in the kitchen mixing drinks, realizes that his plans for a small wedding have been swept aside and he will be expected to pay for an extravagant wedding "with all the trimmings." As costs for the June event spiral out of control, Stanley calculates that he can afford to accommodate no more than one hundred and fifty guests. The task of paring down the guest list proves too difficult, however, and Stanley reluctantly consents to a 250-person reception. The plans for a lavish wedding continue until the day that Buckley tells Kay that he wants to take her on a fishing trip in Nova Scotia for their honeymoon. Kay reacts to the announcement with shock and calls off the wedding, but she and Buckley soon reconcile, and the two families begin their wedding rehearsals. On the day of the wedding, chaos reigns at the Banks home as final preparations are made for the reception. The wedding ceremony brings both joy and sorrow to Stanley, as he realizes that his daughter is now a woman and no longer his child. The following day, Ellie and Stanley survey the mess in their home and concur that the entire affair was a great success.
In Los Angeles, California, neurotic advertising executive David Howard lies awake at night, fretting over a job promotion he hopes to receive the next day. With his wife, Linda, he has just bought a $450,000 home, and is contemplating the purchase of a $44,000 Mercedes-Benz automobile. Linda reassures her husband that they made a wise decision by buying the home. If anything, she worries they are too responsible, and too "controlled." Offended by her comment, David argues that responsibility is what allowed them to afford the new house. The next day, in her windowless office at a department store, Linda confesses to her co-worker, Patty, that she dislikes everything about her life. Meanwhile, David nervously awaits a meeting with his boss, Paul Dunn. When he is called into Paul's office, David is introduced to Brad Tooley, an executive from the agency's New York office. Instead of naming David the new senior vice president, as anticipated, Paul assigns David to move to New York, to work with Brad Tooley on a new Ford Motor Company campaign. David loses his temper, cursing Paul, and telling Brad to "shut up" when he tries to intervene. He refuses to move to New York and demands that Paul give him the promotion he was expecting. Paul fires David and calls a security guard to escort him out of the building. David goes to Linda's office and tells her that he was fired. Insisting that she was right about their lackluster lives, he encourages Linda to quit her job, too. That night, the couple plans to sell their house, liquidate their assets – worth roughly $190,000 – buy a recreational vehicle (RV), and "drop out of society." David estimates that they can travel around the country, living off their "nest egg" for twenty years if they are frugal. At a going away party for the couple, friends wish them luck. David announces their first stop will be Las Vegas, Nevada, where he plans to re-marry Linda. However, when they arrive in Las Vegas, Linda is too tired and suggests they go to the chapel first thing in the morning. In the meantime, David wants to camp out. Linda recommends one last night of indulgence and persuades him to get a junior bridal suite at the Desert Inn. After bribing the hotel clerk with $100, David is disappointed with the room. At 6 a.m., he awakens to find Linda gone. He wanders into the casino in his robe and discovers his wife playing roulette. The casino manager pulls him aside and warns him that Linda has lost a lot of money. David pries his crazed wife from the roulette table and takes her to the restaurant, where she confesses that she has only ever gambled once before, and was intoxicated by the adrenaline rush. When pressed, she admits she gambled away their entire nest egg, "give or take $1,000." In a panic, David asks to meet with the casino manager. In the man's office, he lists his advertising credentials, then requests that the casino return the money Linda lost as a "publicity stunt," to show its charitable side. The casino manager laughs him off. With only $802 left, David and Linda leave Las Vegas. She urges her husband to express his anger, but he remains disturbingly calm until they stop at Hoover Dam. There, surrounded by tourists, David flies into a rage. Linda lures him back into the RV, where she apologizes, explaining that she had a momentary lapse of sanity after repressing her frustrations for so long. David suggests ways he could punish her, but she argues that if they really want to drop out of society, they should do so without a nest egg, like the characters in the film Easy Rider. David corrects her, explaining that in Easy Rider, the characters' nest egg was a large amount of cocaine. Unable to bear David's resentment any longer, Linda sets out hitchhiking. David follows her to a diner, where the man who picked her up challenges him to a fight. Linda intervenes after the man punches David. The fiasco brings the couple back together, and they decide to settle down nearby and get jobs. They randomly choose small-town Safford, Arizona, where David gets a minimum-wage job as an elementary school crossing guard, and Linda is hired as assistant manager at a fast food restaurant. While manning his post, David is taunted by rude schoolchildren. A man in a new Mercedes Benz drives up and asks for directions to Los Angeles. David longingly sniffs the leather interior of the man's car as he directs him to the highway. That night, he returns to the RV to find Linda with her teenage boss. David pulls her aside and reveals that he has a new plan for them. Linda also has a plan, and it turns out to be the same as his: to go to New York City, where David will beg for his old job back. They drive to New York. On a bustling city street, Linda wishes David luck. He emerges from the RV and immediately accosts Brad Tooley on his way to work.
One week before her next society dinner, Millicent Jordan receives word that Lord and Lady Ferncliffe, whom she and her husband Oliver, a New York shipping magnate, had met in England the previous year, have accepted her invitation. Overjoyed by this social coup, Millicent is oblivious to Oliver's lack of enthusiasm about the dinner and her daughter Paula's preoccupation about the impending return of her fiancé, Ernest DeGraff, from Europe. While Millicent fusses about finding an "extra man" for her single female guest, former stage star Carlotta Vance, Oliver faces distressing news about his shipping business, which has been struck hard by the Depression. After Carlotta, a former lover of Oliver who resides in Europe, confesses to Oliver in his office that she is nearly broke and is interested in selling her stock in the Jordan Shipping Line, Oliver is visited by Dan Packard, a rough-talking, nouveau-riche mining magnate. Oliver confides in Dan about his financial struggles and asks him to take over some of his stocks until his business improves. With blustering hesitation, Dan agrees only to consider Oliver's proposition, then goes home to brag to his brassy, gold digger wife Kitty that the Jordan Line is a valuable asset that he is going to devour through crooked stock purchases. Unknown to Dan, however, Oliver has convinced Millicent to invite the Packards to her dinner, and the ill-mannered but socially ambitious Kitty eagerly has accepted. Although he at first refuses to go, Dan, who believes that he will soon be appointed to a Cabinet post, changes his mind about the dinner when he finds out that the Ferncliffes, the richest couple in England, are also invited. Also unknown to Dan, one of Millicent's other guests, Dr. Wayne Talbot, has been having an affair with Kitty while pretending to be tending to her feigned illnesses. On the eve of her dinner, Millicent, still short an extra man, telephones Larry Renault, a washed-up silent movie star, and extends him a last-minute invitation, completely unaware that Paula is having a clandestine love affair with him. At Paula's urging, Larry, a three-time divorcé and hardened alcoholic, accepts the invitation, but advises the much younger Paula to forget about him and return to Ernest. After Paula stubbornly refuses to take Larry's admonitions seriously, she is seen leaving his room by Carlotta, who is residing at the same hotel. Later that evening, Larry is visited by his agent, Max Kane, who tells him that the stage play he was planning to star in has lost its orginal producer. Max breaks the news to Larry that the play's new producer, Jo Stengel, wants another actor in the lead but is willing to consider him in a bit part. Although crushed, Larry agrees to think about the offer, then desperately sends a bellboy to pawn a few of his possessions and buy a fresh bottle of alcohol. The next day, Talbot is discovered by his wife Lucy in a compromising telephone call with Kitty and confesses that, in spite of his love for her, he is addicted to women and needs help to overcome his weakness. Talbot then is rushed to see Oliver, who has come to the doctor's office with severe chest pains. Although Talbot tries to hide his prognosis of terminal thrombosis of the heart, Oliver wisely deduces the seriousness of his illness. When he returns home, the weakened Oliver tries to explain to Millicent his need for rest, but she is too hysterical to hear because, among other minor disasters, the Ferncliffes have cancelled and are on their way to Florida. Although anxious to tell Millicent about Larry, Paula, too, is turned away by her upset mother and faces the prospect of facing Ernest alone. At the Packards, meanwhile, Kitty reveals to Dan in a fit of anger that she is having an affair. When threatened with divorce, however, Kitty tells her husband that, if he wants his Cabinet appointment instead of a career-stopping revelation from her about his crooked dealings, he must back down from his takeover of Oliver's line and treat her with more respect. Just before he is to leave for the dinner, Larry is visited by Max and Stengel and drunkenly berates Stengel for insulting him with his paltry offer. After a frustrated Max denounces him for ruining his last career chance and the hotel management asks him to leave, Larry quietly turns on his gas fireplace and commits suicide. At the ill-fated dinner, Carlotta confides in private with Paula, who is just about to break her engagement with Ernest, about Larry's demise and counsels the young woman to stay with her fiancé. At the same time, Millicent learns from Talbot about Oliver's illness. Finally awakened to her selfishness, Millicent announces to Oliver that she is ready to make sacrifices for the family and be a more attentive wife. Then, as the beleagured guests are about to go in to dinner, Dan, with prodding from Kitty, tells Oliver that he has put a stop to the "secret" takeover of the Jordan shipping line.
In Pamplona, Spain, three New Yorkers participate in the annual "running of the bulls." On the plane ride home, Mitch Robbins tells his friend, Ed Furillo, that their adventures are better suited for younger men. The passionate Ed protests, until Mitch points to their other friend, Phil Berquist, already asleep a few seats back. One year later, on his thirty-ninth birthday, Mitch goes to his son's school to speak at career day. He begins describing his work in radio advertising, but abruptly changes topic, warning the children to prepare for the inevitability of aging. That night at Mitch's birthday party, Ed and Phil give their friend a two-week "adventure trip" driving cattle from New Mexico to Colorado. However, Mitch says he cannot go. Just then, a young woman interrupts the celebration and shocks everyone by informing Phil that she is pregnant. When Phil's domineering wife, Arlene, confronts her husband, Phil argues that he has had enough of their loveless marriage. After the guests have gone, Mitch and his wife, Barbara, discuss the stability of their relationship. Sensing that her husband has lost his passion for life, Barbara encourages him to go on the cattle drive with Ed and Phil. A few weeks later, the three men arrive at Stone Ranch in New Mexico. There, they meet the other guests, including African-American dentist, Ben Jessup, and his son, Steve, as well as ice cream magnates Barry and Ira Shalowitz. Bonnie Rayburn, the lone woman, admits to feeling out of place, but the men urge her to stay. Ranch owner Clay Stone invites the "city slickers" to practice their skills in the corral. Mitch is the only person who cannot lasso an object, much to Ed's amusement. When the three New Yorkers notice ranch hands Jeff and T. R. harassing Bonnie, they attempt to create a diversion, to no avail. Just then, an old weather-beaten cowboy rides up and admonishes Jeff and T. R. to behave like gentlemen. With menacing self-assuredness, he rides away, leaving Mitch awestruck. That night, the guests learn that the cowboy, whose name is "Curly," will be their trail boss. Ben Jessup relays a rumor that Curly once killed a man, causing Mitch to fear the journey ahead. In the morning, the guests depart Stone Ranch, driving the cattle toward Colorado. En route, Ed admires Bonnie Rayburn. When Mitch reminds Ed that he is married, Ed declares he enjoys keeping his options open. That night around the campfire, Phil and Mitch suggest that Ed appreciate the benefits of a committed relationship. An argument ensues, until Curly warns them to be quiet. In the morning, Mitch tries to make amends by preparing fresh-ground coffee. However, at the sound of the battery-powered grinder, the cattle stampede. From a nearby bluff, Curly watches as the herd demolishes the campsite. Laughing, he fires a gun, causing the cattle to stop dead in their tracks. After noticing that several animals are missing, Curly orders Mitch to help round up the strays. The task takes all afternoon, and the two men are forced to camp together that night. Mitch watches nervously as Curly hones his knife on a leather strop, surprised when the gruff man reveals a sensitive side. The next day, Curly declares that the secret to a good life is to honor "just one thing." Mitch is perplexed, however, when the trail boss indicates that the "one thing" is unique to each individual. Just then, they notice a cow writhing on its side. Curly assesses that the animal is about to give birth, and charges Mitch with delivering the calf. Though nervous and disgusted, Mitch pulls out the animal, elated when it begins walking around. He names the calf "Norman." After determining that the mother will not survive, Curly shoots her. Later, they rejoin the main herd, and Mitch introduces little Norman to his friends. At lunch, he recounts Curly's advice on finding the meaning of life. When everyone laughs, he invites Curly to join the conversation, but the old timer does not respond, and Mitch realizes that Curly has died. After burying the trail boss, the group sets out under Jeff and T. R.'s direction. En route, Phil, Ed, and Mitch share stories about the best and worst days of their lives. The cattle drive is uneventful until "Cookie," the drunken cook, drives the chuck wagon over a ravine. Cookie jumps to safety but breaks both legs. Ben and Steve Jessup agree to escort the injured man to a nearby town. That night, Jeff and T. R. drink the remaining liquor and threaten to shoot Norman. Mitch tries to negotiate with the cowboys, but the encounter erupts into a fight. Phil grabs Jeff's gun and orders the bullies to go sleep off their stupor. Moments later, he breaks down crying, and Ed and Mitch console their friend. Ira and Barry Shalowitz report that Jeff and T. R. have fled. The Shalowitzes want to abandon the herd and return to civilization, but Ed and Phil insist they continue. Mitch does not think they are capable of completing the cattle drive, and in the morning, he departs with Bonnie and the Shalowitzes. However, he later rejoins his friends, admitting he could not let Curly down. Following their intuition, they head toward Colorado. When a thunderstorm breaks, they drive the herd into a forest, navigating the steep terrain in pouring rain. They arrive at a raging river, and Ed, undaunted, leads the animals across. However, Norman is too small to withstand the current and gets swept away. Mitch successfully lassos the calf, but is yanked by the force of the rope into the river. Clutching Norman, he is swept downstream, where Phil and Ed perform a heroic rescue. The next day, they arrive at the ranch and bring in the herd. Rancher Clay Stone welcomes them with appreciation, but when he remarks that the cattle are to be delivered to a meat company, the New Yorkers' spirits fall. That night, Mitch bids a tearful farewell to Norman. In the morning, Ed, Phil, and Mitch reflect on their experiences. Ed announces his intention to impregnate his young wife, Phil looks forward to "starting over," and Mitch declares he has found his "one thing." On arriving at the airport, Mitch kisses Barbara and introduces his astonished family to Norman, who greets them with a "moo."
While waiting tables at Perry's Pizza restaurant in the Ridgemont Mall of Ridgemont, California, Linda Barrett and her co-workers gush over an attractive older customer. In the mall movie theater, Mike Damone sells concert tickets to two younger boys for a profit. Back at the restaurant, Linda's fifteen-year-old co-worker, Stacy Hamilton, gives her phone number to the handsome customer, Ron Johnson, after telling him she is nineteen. Meanwhile, at the All American Burger restaurant, Stacy's older brother, Brad Hamilton, reprimands classmate Jeff Spicoli and his friends for not wearing shirts. After the mall closes, Linda encourages Stacy to call Ron despite their age difference, stating that she would do it herself if she did not have a fiancé in Chicago, Illinois. On the first day of school at Ridgemont High, Stacy, Brad, Mike, and other students navigate their way through crowded halls. After the bell rings, Spicoli, high on marijuana, enters his history classroom late as the teacher, Mr. Hand, discusses the merits of punctuality. Mr. Hand destroys Spicoli's schedule card and instructs the boy to visit the front office. Later, at lunch, Stacy and Linda observe fashion trends and discuss their sexual experience; a table of boys watch as Linda teaches Stacy how to perform oral sex. In Mr. Vargas' biology class, Mark "Rat" Ratner is immediately attracted to Stacy, and later tells Mike that he loves her. Mike instructs Rat to attract girls by adopting an attitude of aloofness. After Stacy's mother tucks her into bed that night, the girl sneaks out her window and meets Ron. He takes her to the dugout of a baseball diamond called "The Point," where they have sex. The next day, Stacy comes home from school and finds a bouquet of flowers from Ron, then orders Brad to hide them in his car so their parents do not notice. While working at All American Burger, Brad trains a new employee while contemplating ending his two-year relationship with his girl friend, Lisa. In class, Mr. Hand yells at Spicoli for his continued tardiness. Time passes, and at Christmastime, Stacy tells Lisa that she has not heard from Ron since November. In the mall arcade, Ridgemont football player Charles Jefferson asks Mike for tickets to see the rock band Earth, Wind & Fire. After encouragement from Mike, Rat asks Stacy for her phone number. In the All American Burger bathroom, Brad rehearses his break-up speech to Lisa when he is interrupted by an angry customer demanding his money back. When Brad threatens the customer, the manager fires him. Meanwhile, Spicoli is awakened from a dream of winning a surfing competition. During a school pep rally, Brad tells Lisa he is glad that they are still together, and is surprised to learn that Lisa wants to break up with him. At the mall, Mike gives Rat a lesson on seducing women, and he asks Stacy for a date. Later, Rat drives Stacy to a fancy restaurant, but soon realizes he forgot to bring his wallet. He calls Mike, and Mike drops off the wallet at the end of their meal. Stacy invites Rat inside her house, where they kiss on her bed, but Rat nervously invents an excuse to leave. Driving to a party with classmate Charles Jefferson's younger brother, Spicoli recklessly crashes Charles' car into a construction site. The next morning, Spicoli secretly parks Charles' smashed car in front of the school, adding spray paint to read, "DIE RIDGEMONT, LINCOLN KILLS," and disguising the damage as a prank conducted by Ridgemont's rival high school, Lincoln. During the next football game against Lincoln, Charles injures several opposing team players in revenge, thus winning the game for Ridgemont. While Brad works his new job as a server at a kitschy, pirate-themed seafood restaurant, Stacy and Lisa lounge by Stacy's pool reading magazines. Rat and Mike stop by unannounced, but Linda becomes annoyed by their immaturity as they splash in the water. When Brad returns home, he retreats to the bathroom and masturbates, imagining Linda emerging from the pool and removing her swimsuit top. Linda walks in on him and quickly leaves in embarrassment. At school, Stacy doodles pictures of herself and Mike in her history notebook, while Spicoli has a pizza delivered to his desk. Mr. Hand takes the pizza away and offers slices to the other students. Later, while walking home, Stacy tells Mike that she likes him and invites him over. In the pool changing room, they begin to have sex, but Mike ejaculates prematurely and leaves in shame. Elsewhere, Brad's boss instructs him to make a delivery across town wearing his pirate uniform. While driving, a passing woman laughs at him, but he misinterprets her laughter as flirting. After weeks of being ignored by Mike, Stacy confronts him and admits she is pregnant with his child. When she decides to get an abortion, he grudgingly agrees to pay for half of the procedure and to drive her to the clinic. Unable to procure the money, however, he does not show up, and Stacy asks her brother for a ride. Although she claims she is going to the bowling alley, Brad sees her going to the abortion clinic and follows. After the procedure, he asks her who got her pregnant, but she refuses to say. Angered by Mike's irresponsibility, Lisa vandalizes his car and school locker, prompting various girls in school to ridicule him. When Rat hears rumors that Mike got Stacy pregnant, he fights with his friend in the locker room. During a biology field trip to view hospital cadavers, Stacy vomits in the bathroom, but Rat comforts her. On the night of the end-of-year graduation dance, Mr. Hand visits Spicoli at his house and insists the boy stay home to discuss historical events to make up for all the class time Spicoli has wasted. After a few hours of studying, Mr. Hand leaves Spicoli, allowing him to attend the party. Meanwhile, Mike apologizes for hurting Rat. Linda, hurt that her fiancé refuses to attend her graduation, reads Stacy her break-up letter. Later, at the pizza parlor, Stacy tells Linda that she would prefer to have a romantic relationship instead of a purely sexual one. She notices Rat across the mall and motions him over, giving him a photograph of herself. Meanwhile, Spicoli enters a convenience store where Brad is now working behind the counter. While Spicoli uses the bathroom, an armed robber attempts to break into the safe, but Brad throws coffee in his face and grabs his gun.
In Winter River, Connecticut, Barbara and Adam Maitland accidentally drive off a bridge near their home and drown. Thinking they are still alive, the Maitlands return home to discover that their reflections do not appear in mirrors. When they try to leave the house, they fall into a nightmarish desert that sends them scurrying back inside, where they discover a book titled Handbook for the Recently Deceased. Accepting that they have died, Adam combs the manual for advice but finds it difficult to decipher. The next day, Adam places tiny graves for himself and Barbara in a model version of Winter River he has built in the attic, while Barbara wonders if they are in heaven or hell. They spot Jane, a local real estate agent, outside the house, but although Adam calls to her, she does not respond. Barbara tells Adam the living usually cannot see the dead, according to the handbook, as Jane plants a "For Sale" sign in the yard. Soon after, Charles Deetz moves in with his morose teenaged daughter, Lydia, and his eccentric wife, Delia, who despises her new surroundings. Lydia disagrees with her stepmother, Delia, and proclaims she likes it there. Adam and Barbara detest the renovations Delia is planning and try to scare the Deetzes away, to no avail. Barbara loses patience and says she cannot watch people destroy her home, but when she walks outside, she falls into the nightmarish desert again and a massive, man-eating "sandworm" chases her back inside. That night, Delia complains that she misses New York City, but Charles, who recently suffered a nervous breakdown, is perfectly happy in Winter River. As major renovations begin on the outside of the house, the Maitlands happen upon an advertisement for Betelgeuse, a ghastly-looking "bio-exorcist" who claims he can get rid of humans. Outside, Lydia takes photographs and spies Adam and Barbara in the attic window. Lydia sees Jane, the realtor, who gives Lydia a skeleton key to pass along to Charles. Having read in the handbook that they can draw a door in case of emergencies, Adam draws one on the attic wall and knocks three times as instructed. The door opens, and the Maitlands are lured into a waiting room populated by disfigured deceased people who look exactly as they did when they died. The receptionist warns Barbara and Adam that they must spend 125 more years in their home and only get one help session with their caseworker, Juno, whom they choose to see right away. A man whose body was flattened by a car points them in the direction of Juno's office, but instead they wander through a door that leads them to Delia's newly decorated version of their home. Taken aback by the stark furnishings and Delia's spiky, metal sculptures, Barbara and Adam are further startled when Juno, an older woman, appears behind them. The caseworker advises them to read the "haunting" chapter in their handbook and discourages them from employing Betelgeuse's help. Juno explains that the only way Betelgeuse can be brought into the world is by saying his name three times. In their next attempt to scare Charles and Delia, the Maitlands cover themselves in sheets and moan around the house. Thinking they are her parents, Lydia takes Polaroid photographs of them, but when the photographs develop, she notices they have no feet. Lydia confronts Adam and Barbara, and discovers she can see and hear them. The Maitlands admit they are trying to scare her family away, but Lydia warns that Charles never walks away from an investment. Barbara notices a miniature version of Betelgeuse in Adam's model town and calls his name twice. Adam encourages his wife to say it a third time and, when she does so, the couple shrinks to miniature size themselves. At Betelgeuse's gravesite in the model cemetery, they dig until he emerges in a frenzy, groping Barbara, spinning his head around, and transforming his face into a scary mess of tentacles. He suggests they strike a deal, but Barbara shouts "home" three times, transforming herself and Adam back into full-size. At a dinner party in their house, the Deetzes entertain several guests, including Otho, their interior decorator, and Bernard, an agent who represents Delia's unpopular sculptures. Hearing about Lydia's ghost sighting, Otho claims to be an expert in the paranormal. Suddenly a loud song is heard and Delia lip-synchs along, looking frightened. In seconds, everyone at the table has lost control of their bodies and join in a coordinated dance. Finally, hands shoot out from their plates and grab their faces. Celebrating the successful haunting, Adam and Barbara run up to the attic and wait for the guests to run screaming from the house. However, the eccentric group enjoyed their paranormal experience and desires more. They send Lydia to retrieve the Maitlands, who refuse to come downstairs. Meanwhile, Charles brainstorms ideas on how to capitalize on the haunted house. Along with Otho, Charles and Delia storm the attic, but the ghosts hide from them. Spotting the Handbook of the Recently Deceased, Otho steals it. Later, Betelgeuse taunts the Maitlands about their failed efforts and upstages them by appearing in the Deetzes house as a large snake with a human head. Although the Deetzes are terrified, Adam and Barbara reprimand Betelgeuse for intervening. Frustrated. Betelgeuse claims he has not been released into the world in 600 years, but the couple refuses to say his name three times. The Maitlands seek out Juno, who coaches them to try a scarier approach to haunting. Lydia goes to the attic, and Betelgeuse calls to her from the model town. He says Adam and Barbara are gone forever and asks her to release him. She says his name twice, but the Maitlands return in time to stop her from saying it again. Although Lydia longs to be dead, too, Barbara discourages her and promises that she and Adam plan to live harmoniously with the Deetzes from now on. Downstairs, Charles presents plans for a paranormal research center and other real estate developments in Winter River to potential investors. Although the adult Deetzs demand to see the ghosts, Lydia announces that the Maitlands will not be exploited. Otho uses a spell from the handbook to conjure the Maitlands, who appear in wedding attire, hovering above a table. Barbara and Adam begin to wither like corpses, and Otho claims he cannot stop the spell. Lydia calls Betelgeuse for help, and he agrees to intervene only if she marries him. Lydia reluctantly accepts and calls his name three times. As Betelgeuse appears, he frightens the Deetzes and traps them inside Delia's sculptures. A dead man appears and presides over the wedding of Betelgeuse and Lydia, and the Maitlands become young again. The Maitlands try to stop the wedding by calling out Betelgeuse's name, but he silences them with his supernatural powers. When Lydia tries to say his name, Betelgeuse covers her mouth and co-opts her voice to declare her love for him. Although Betelgeuse drives the Maitlands out of the house, Barbara falls into the desert, where she mounts the man-eating sandworm and rides it back inside. Just before the marriage becomes official, the sandworm crashes into Betelgeuse and sends him back underground. Sometime later, Lydia happily rides her bike home from school and finds the Maitlands redecorating their house to look the way it once did. To celebrate Lydia's good grades, the Maitlands send her floating into the air as she dances to an upbeat song. Upstairs, Delia shows Charles her latest sculpture, a bust of Betelgeuse.
In Los Angeles, drunk and derelict Navin Johnson addresses the audience and insists, "I am not a bum, I'm a jerk." He begins his story by saying that he was born in Mississippi, "a poor black child": Navin grows up in a loving family, all of whom are black. Incongruously Caucasian, Navin has trouble clapping to the beat of the blues being played on the porch. He confides to his mother that he never feels he belongs and she reveals that he is not her natural-born child, but was found on the doorstep. Overwhelmed by this information, Navin lies awake in the twilight hours, listening to the radio. When he discovers that his feet are tapping spontaneously to the music of a swing band, Navin is inspired to hitchhike to St. Louis, where the broadcast originated, to discover more about the world. At a stopover in a motel, a barking dog awakens Navin, who presumes the dog is alerting him to a fire. Pronouncing the dog a "life saver," the panicked Navin wakes all of the motel guests. After learning that there is no fire, an annoyed guest suggests naming the dog not "Life Saver," but "Shithead." Arriving in St. Louis accompanied by Shithead, Navin stops at a service station restroom, where the owner, Harry Hartounian, offers Navin a maintenance job. Navin accepts and begins to send a portion of his modest wage to his family. Hartounian values Navin, and provides him free shelter in the utility closet. When Navin is left alone in charge of the station in Hartounian's absence, three thugs attempt to pay with a credit card. By checking a list of reported credit card numbers, Navin learns the card was stolen and alerts the police. He tries to detain the thugs by tying the car to a neighboring church, but when they drive away, they drag part of the church down the street with them. Later, a new phone book is delivered to the station and Navin, who is excited to see his name printed in it, gushes that things will begin to happen to him. True to Navin's prediction, a gun-wielding psychotic picks his name randomly from the phone book and decides to kill him. The would-be killer positions himself near the station and takes aim at Navin. Meanwhile, a motorist, Stan Fox, arrives for a fill-up. When Fox expresses frustration about his glasses slipping off his face, Navin offers to fix them by soldering an extra bar of metal that grips the nose to the frame. Impressed, Fox promises to split the profits with Navin if he can develop and market this invention. As Fox drives away, the sniper fires several shots at Navin. Although Navin is unharmed, he feels compelled to flee and hides in a carnival truck that travels to Los Angeles. Content with his new surroundings, Navin takes a job with the carnival as a weight-guesser and befriends Patty, a tough stunt motorcycle driver. Patty seduces the naïve Navin by offering to show him his "special purpose." Their relationship continues, as Navin begins work as "Engineer Fred" for the children's train. When Billy, a mischievous boy, attempts to drive the train away, Navin chases him and returns him to his babysitter, Marie. In gratitude, she kisses Navin and agrees to date him. Later, when Patty discovers Navin and Marie together, she is furious and threatens Marie, who knocks her out with a quick punch that wins Navin's heart. Later, on the beach, Marie tells Navin that she needs a man with a "special purpose" in life. He explains that he does have a special purpose and makes love to her. The next morning, Navin wants to marry Marie, but she leaves before he can propose. Although depressed, Navin is determined to find Marie. He settles into an apartment, where the sniper appears on his doorstep. The man states that he had been "mixed up" because of personal troubles, but is now a private detective. He presents Navin with a letter from Stan Fox, who has made a fortune on Navin's invention, which he calls the "Opti-Grab." When Navin and Stan later meet, Stan gives Navin a check for $250,000, his share of the Opti-Grab earnings. After reading about Navin's new fortune in the local paper, Marie's mother phones Navin and directs him to her daughter's workplace, the cosmetics department of a department store. Navin finds her and the two are soon married. After hiring a butler and housekeeper, Navin and Marie move into a giant mansion with garish décor, where they adjust to a more affluent lifestyle. Navin is approached by scheming businessmen, who invite him to invest in their housing project, but when Navin realizes they are racist bigots, he tells them he is a "nigger," and fights them using Asian martial arts maneuvers. At an expensive restaurant, the naïve Navin asks for "fresh" wine, then is offended when served escargot, which he mistakenly thinks is an indicator of unsanitary conditions in the restaurant. To celebrate what he believes is their newfound sophistication, Navin throws a disco party. During the party, Navin and the guests watch a television news piece reporting on the success of Opti-Grab. However, the segment is interrupted by a breaking news story that director Carl Reiner is leading a class action lawsuit for negligence, because the Opti-Grab causes people to cross their eyes to the point of injury. After a cross-eyed judge and jury decide against Navin, he is forced to return his fortune to his customers. Depressed, Navin leaves Marie. Returning to the present moment, Navin concludes his story about how he came to live on the streets. Unexpectedly, Marie and Navin's family drive up and explain how they have invested Navin's weekly contributions from his earnings in farm land. Navin, accompanied by Marie and Shithead, return to Mississippi, where the family builds another house, which is an exact replica of the rundown family home--only larger.
As New York Chronicle sports columnist Sam Craig listens to the radio quiz program Information, Please , he is disgusted to hear nationally-known political columnist and Chronicle colleague Tess Harding miss a question about baseball and suggest that the sport be abolished for the duration of the war. Sam then writes a column lambasting her, and when Tess retaliates in kind, their editor, Clayton, orders them to meet in his office and stop their intramural squabbling. Sam is immediately impressed when he catches the attractive Tess adjusting her stockings, and she is equally attracted to him. Sam invites her to a Yankees game, and by the ninth inning, novice Tess has caught onto baseball and has made friends with some of the unruly fans, thus impressing Sam even more. Tess invites Sam over to her apartment that night, but he is chagrined to find out that she is having a party with dozens of her international friends. Despite constant interruptions due to Tess's busy life and the disdain of Tess's male secretary, Gerald Howe, Sam and Tess fall in love and decide to marry. Sam wants a traditional wedding with his mother present, but to accomodate Tess's hectic schedule, she and Gerald determine that the wedding must take place almost immediately and be held in South Carolina. Tess's diplomat father, William J. Harding, and her aunt, feminist Ellen Whitcomb, are only able to stay ten minutes and Tess is called away for an important call just after the wedding, leaving Sam a bit bewildered. The wedding night is equally frenetic; just as they are about to go to bed, missing Yugoslavian political refugee Dr. Lubbeck shows up and summons a group of his fellow countrymen. In retaliation, Sam calls his buddies over for a party and the apartment is in chaos until Flo Peters, the wife of Sam's bartender friend "Pinkie" learns that it is their wedding night and spreads the word to the others. Several months later, Sam and Tess are still very much in love, but are frequently separated due to Tess's political life and Sam's coverage of sporting events. One night, after Sam, who has been bristling over Tess's neglect, arrives home from a business trip, Tess is very solicitous, thus arousing Sam's suspicions. When she suggests that they have a child, he is ecstatic, thinking that she is pregnant, but instead she reveals that she has adopted a young Greek war refugee named Chris because she is chairwoman of a refugee committee. Though Sam likes the boy, he is angry and criticizes her for not giving even "ten percent" of her heart to matters at home. Their argument is interrupted by the news that she has just been named "America's Outstanding Woman of the Year." On the night of the banquet, Sam realizes that Chris is very lonesome for other children, and when Tess off-handedly tells Sam that the child will be alone during the banquet, they have a bitter argument and Sam stays home. After she leaves, Sam takes Chris to the Greek Children's home, where the boy is happily reunited with his friends. Following the banquet, Tess waits at the apartment with reporters who are anxious to photograph them together. She is stunned when she finds that his things are gone and deduces that he has taken Chris back to the home. She goes to retrieve him, but when she realizes that the boy does not want to be with her, she leaves. The next day, at the office, Tess gets a telegram from Ellen inviting her and Sam to Connecticut. She asks Sam to accompany her, but he refuses, and she realizes that he wants to end their "perfect marriage," which he says is neither. In Connecticut, Tess learns that Ellen and the long-widowed William are marrying, after years of silently loving each other. Tess makes an excuse about Sam's absence and is hurt when Ellen tells her how lucky she is to have Sam while she is still young because success not shared is empty. After the wedding, Tess drives back to New York to the apartment Sam has rented for himself. While he is sleeping, she decides to prove her mettle as a housewife and cook his breakfast, using recipes in a cookbook from Sam's mother. When he awakens, he silently watches as everything goes wrong for Tess, and when he finally speaks, a conciliatory Tess says that she wants to start over as a traditional wife. He is angered at her new "act," but she returns to the kitchen, determined to show him she can be domestic, until the coffeepot and waffle iron both overflow and she breaks down. Sam then embraces her and says he doesn't want to change her, he merely wants their marriage to come first and suggests that instead of being Tess Harding or Mrs. Sam Craig, she be Tess Harding Craig. She thinks that is a wonderful idea, and when Gerald arrives to take her to launch a battleship, Sam instead launches him, with Tess's approval.
In New York City, Lenny Cantrow, a self-absorbed sporting goods salesman with a highly inflated opinion of himself, meets gawky Lila Kolodny at a singles bar. When Lenny discovers that the ingenious Lila regards her virginity as a prize to be awarded only to her husband, Lenny proposes. After the couple is married in a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, they leave for their honeymoon in Miami Beach driving Lenny's two-seater sports car. On the way there, Lenny is irritated by his bride's penchant for singing off-key. On the night they consummate their marriage, Lenny finds his ardor diminished by Lila's constant need for reassurance of her sexual prowess and her desire for chocolate bars after sex. The next day, as Lila, her mouth smeared with remnants of an egg salad sandwich she is devouring, dreamily counts the next forty or fifty years they will be spending together, Lenny begins to suspect that he has made a major mistake. After checking into their honeymoon hotel in Miami Beach, Lenny becomes impatient with Lila's attempts to comb her unruly hair and goes to the beach without her. There he meets the gazelle-like, blonde Kelly Corcoran who playfully begins to flirt with him. Lenny's state of rapture is abruptly shattered by Lila's grating voice, calling to him to join her. After roasting poolside in the sun all day, Lila develops a painful sunburn. Lenny, disgusted that she is going to "puff up" and ruin their honeymoon, leaves Lila writhing in pain in their hotel room while he goes to the bar for a drink. There he once again meets Kelly, who insouciantly inquires if he will be at the beach the next morning. Returning to his hotel room to find Lila smeared in a white ointment, Lenny insists she stay in the room and out of the sun the next day. Rushing to the beach early the next morning, Lenny frolics in the ocean with Kelly, who is amused when he admits that he is on his honeymoon. After Kelly informs Lenny that the family is moving to another hotel because her wealthy WASP father Duane does not like the "element" at their present hotel, Lenny coerces Kelly into agreeing to have a drink with him at the Corcoran's new hotel that night. Lying to Lila that he is meeting an old army buddy for a drink and will take her to dinner later, Lenny meets Kelly at the bar and confides that his marriage is over because she is the girl he has been searching for his entire life. Bemused, Kelly informs Lenny that her father detests him, but nevertheless insists that he join the family for dinner. Meanwhile, Lila dresses for dinner, and when Lenny fails to appear, is reduced to eating candy bars and watching television. Over dinner, against her father's wishes, Kelly invites Lenny to join the family fishing the next day aboard a friend's yacht. Upon returning home late that evening, Lenny lies to Lila that he missed dinner because he and his army buddy were sideswiped by a truck while driving in his friend's car, and that he has to appear in court at 7 a.m. the next morning to sign affidavits. After a day at sea with Kelly, Lenny rushes to his hotel room to change his clothes, saying that his friend has been hospitalized and that he feels obligated to visit his family, but that he will return later to take Lila to dinner. Lenny then hurries to meet Corcoran. Proclaiming that he wants to "lay his cards on the table," Lenny announces that he has fallen in love with Kelly, but there is a slight complication, because he was just married five days ago. Becoming apoplectic, Corcoran declares that he would not grant permission for Lenny to marry Kelly, even if someone "hung him from a tree and put a lit bomb in his mouth." Refusing to take no for an answer, Lenny declares that he is coming to see the Corcorans in Minnesota as soon as he gets a divorce. Afterward, Lenny takes Lila to an expensive lobster house for dinner, and as she crunches on the lobster shells, Lenny begins to discuss the transitory nature of life. Thinking that Lenny is trying to tell her he is dying, Lila becomes concerned, forcing Lenny to announce loudly that he wants out of their marriage, thus earning the consternation of the restaurant patrons who have overheard their conversation. Sickened, Lila begs to go to the restroom and throw up, but Lenny refuses to let her go and instead blithely suggests that as a consolation, they "have dinner together sometime." After a hastily expedited divorce, Lenny ventures into the frigid Minnesota winter to find Kelly. He locates her on her college campus, where she is walking with her boyfriend, the captain of every sports team on campus. Kelly rebuffs Lenny, but when he begins to follow her around campus, she tries to appease him by saying that she is flattered that he divorced his wife, but she is now preoccupied with school. When Lenny blusters sarcastically, Kelly becomes intrigued and warns him that her boyfriend will beat him up. Lenny vanquishes the boyfriend by pretending that he is a narcotics agent, sending him and his friends scurrying away. Kelly then invites Lenny to come with her to her family's summer home in the mountains, and the next night, Lenny seduces her in his motel room. Although Corcoran loathes Lenny, he agrees to meet him for Kelly's sake. Over dinner at the Corcoran house, as Lenny tries to win the family over by sputtering inanities about the wholesomeness of the vegetables, Corcoran sits in stony silence. Corcoran realizes that he has met his match when he offers Lenny $25,000 to stay away from his daughter and Lenny refuses the offer. Kelly and Lenny are wed in a large, formal Christian wedding, and at the reception, after trying to make small talk to the wealthy, conservative guests, Lenny finds himself relegated to sitting on a couch with two children, who, bored with his conversation, walk away, leaving him alone in the crowd.
At the Daniel S. Totten Foundation in New York, Bertram Potts, a somber, dedicated linguistics professor, oversees the writing of an encyclopedia, on which he and his eight uniquely qualified colleagues have been toiling for nine years. When their financial backer, Miss Totten, drops by the foundation and threatens to withdraw her support, Bertram is prodded by the others to flirt with her. Charmed by Bertram's flattery, Miss Totten changes her mind, agreeing to back the encyclopedia to its completion. Soon after, a garbage man appears in the foundation's library and asks the professors for help on some radio quiz show questions. Intrigued by the garbage man's picturesque slang, Bertram declares that his section on slang is already outdated and requires further research. Bertram then takes to the streets, where he eavesdrops on a series of conversations and invites several people to participate in a slang symposium. When he invites sexy nightclub performer Sugarpuss O'Shea to attend, Sugarpuss abruptly dismisses him. Unknown to Bertram, Sugarpuss is being sought by the district attorney in connection with a murder that her gangster boyfriend, Joe Lilac, is suspected of committing, and she and Joe's henchmen, Asthma Anderson and Duke Pastrami, flee the club one step ahead of a subpoena. With no safe place to hide, Sugarpuss decides to take Bertram up on his invitation and shows up at the foundation later that night. Although pleased to see the still scantily clad Sugarpuss, Bertram, whom Sugarpuss calls "Pottsie," refuses to allow her to stay the night, but is overruled by his sex-starved colleagues. At the district attorney's office, meanwhile, Joe is confronted about a monogrammed bathrobe found in the murdered man's suitcase, which the district attorney suspects once belonged to Joe and was given to him by Sugarpuss. Concerned that Sugarpuss might be compelled to testify against Joe, his lawyer advises him to marry her. Three days later, Sugarpuss, who has been helping Bertram dissect a long list of slang expressions as well as teaching the other professors the conga, is visited by Asthma and Pastrami. The thugs present her with a pricey diamond engagement ring from Joe, and eager to become the wealthy Mrs. Lilac, Sugarpuss accepts the ring and agrees to stay at the foundation until she can safely meet Joe. Just then, however, Miss Bragg, the professors' prim housekeeper, demands that Sugarpuss leave, as she has become too much of a disruption. When Bertram asks Sugarpuss to go, admitting that her feminine ways have distracted him from his work, Sugarpuss declares that she is "just plain wacky" for him and kisses him. Bertram is so taken with Sugarpuss' kisses that he decides to propose to her, and the next morning, he gives her a small diamond engagement ring. Bertram's ardor saddens and confuses Sugarpuss, but before she can respond, Joe telephones from New Jersey. As Joe has identified himself as "Daddy," Bertram assumes he is Sugarpuss' father and asks him for permission to marry. Joe, seeing an opportunity to get Sugarpuss past the police's dragnet, goes along with the misconception and requests that the wedding be performed in New Jersey. Before the wedding party departs, however, Miss Bragg, having seen Sugarpuss' photo in the newspaper, threatens to call the police on her. After Sugarpuss slugs Miss Bragg and locks her in a closet, Bertram and the other unsuspecting professors excitedly depart for New Jersey. On the way, Professor Gurkakoff, who is driving, crashes into a signpost, disabling the car. The wedding party is forced to spend the night at an auto court, but when Sugarpuss calls Joe with the news, he insists on picking her up that night. While she waits in her bungalow, Professor Oddly, a widowed botanist, tells Bertram about his genteel honeymoon, then retires for the night. Perturbed by Oddly's remarks, Bertram seeks him out for clarification, but accidentally ends up in Sugarpuss' darkened bungalow. Believing that he is speaking to Oddly, Bertram describes his deeply felt passion for Sugarpuss, and moved by his words, she reveals herself and kisses him. At that moment, however, Joe and his gang arrive and expose Sugarpuss' deception. Finding lipstick on Bertram's face, Joe then pummels the hapless professor. After directing Miss Bragg, who escaped from the closet, and the police away from the auto court, Bertram confronts Sugarpuss. She tearfully apologizes, but Bertram returns to New York, angry and humiliated. Later, at the foundation, Oddly reveals that Sugarpuss gave him a ring to deliver to Bertram, not his, but Joe's. Bertram is buoyed by the professors' deduction that the singer is in love with him, and is unshaken when a scandalized Miss Totten arrives to announce their termination. Asthma and Pastrami then appear and, while holding the professors and Miss Totten at gunpoint, tell Sugarpuss over the phone that they are going to open fire unless she marries Joe. To protect the professors, Sugarpuss proceeds with the ceremony, which is being conducted in New Jersey by an addled-brain justice of the peace. Sugarpuss' fate appears sealed until the professors cause a heavy portrait to fall on Pastrami and then take Asthma by surprise. With help from the garbage man, the professors tickle Pastrami into revealing Sugarpuss' location and race to New Jersey, arriving seconds before she is officially wed. After Bertram beats up Joe and delivers the gangsters to the police, he convinces Sugarpuss she is worthy of him by giving her a passionate, "yum-yum" kiss.
In 1987 Minneapolis, Minnesota, Jerry Lundegaard struggles as the sales manager at an Oldsmobile dealership owned by his father-in-law, Wade Gustafson. After taking on a $320,000 loan using nonexistent vehicles as collateral, Lundegaard schemes to get himself out of debt by hiring two men to kidnap his wife, Jean, for an $80,000 ransom, to be paid by Wade Gustafson. A mechanic at the dealership named Shep Proudfoot connects Lundegaard with Carl Showalter and Gaear Grimsrud, a couple of petty criminals based in Fargo, Noth Dakota, who agree to do the kidnapping in exchange for a new car and half the ransom. In the meantime, Lundegaard proposes a potentially lucrative real estate deal to Wade, in the hope of borrowing $750,000 to invest. Wade decides to pursue the deal on his own behalf, which furthers Lundegaard's resolve to go through with the kidnapping. Showalter and Grimsrud take Jean by force, driving her out of town in a car from Lundegaard's dealership. On their way to a cabin at Moose Lake, they are stopped by a state trooper who tickets them for driving without tags. Jean makes a noise from inside the car, which prompts Gaear to shoot the trooper dead, as well as two passersby. The triple murder is investigated by Marge Gunderson, the Brainerd, Minnesota, chief of police, who discovers that the killers called Shep Proudfoot from their hotel room. She goes to the Oldsmobile dealership to question him and Lundegaard, who attests that no vehicles have gone missing from the lot. That evening, Marge meets up with an ex-classmate, Mike Yanagita, who tries to seduce her despite the fact that she is married and pregnant. Due to the new complications in the kidnapping, Showalter doubles the previously negotiated fee, demanding $80,000 from Lundegaard. In the meantime, with only twenty-four hours to prove to the loan company that he has the collateral he promised, Lundegaard tells Wade that the ransom has been set at $1 million. Wade thwarts Lundegaard's plan by insisting on delivering the ransom money, himself. Armed with a loaded gun, Wade brings the money to Showalter in a Minneapolis parking garage. The kidnapper becomes agitated when Wade asks to see his daughter, who is not there. He shoots Wade, but Wade manages to shoot back before dying. Showalter flees with a bullet wound to the jaw. He is shocked to find $1 million in the briefcase. He removes the $80,000 that he and Grimsrud were promised, then buries the remainder on the side of the highway. Showalter returns to the cabin at Moose Lake to discover that Grimsrud has killed Jean. Showalter offers Grimsrud his half of the $80,000 and insists on fleeing separately. They squabble over who gets to keep the car, and Grimsrud ends the dispute by killing Showalter with an axe. Marge questions Lundegaard's honesty and returns to the Oldsmobile dealership to interrogate him again. Lundegaard runs away, and Marge reports him to Minnesota police. She receives a tip from a bar owner who overheard Showalter bragging about his exploits, and locates the Moose Lake cabin, where she finds the missing dealership car in question. Grimsrud is feeding Showalter's dead body into a woodchipper as Marge appears. To stop him from escaping on foot, she shoots him in the leg. He and Jerry Lundegaard are arrested, and Marge returns home to her husband, Norm. The two casually discuss his painting of a mallard, which has been selected to appear on a new three-cent postage stamp, and the arrival of their baby in two months.
In 1928, Edwin Dennis completes his last will and testament stating that, upon his death, his only son Patrick will be reared by his sister, Mame Dennis, under the conservative eye of banker Dwight Babcock. The day after the will is signed, Dennis drops dead and his faithful Irish servant, Norah Muldoon, takes the young Patrick from Chicago to Mame's residence at 3 Beekman Place, New York City. They arrive during a party, in which the flamboyant Mame is graciously entertaining with breezy charm and bootlegged alcohol. Among the Bohemian guests are a man and his monkey, the headmaster of a nudist school, a composer and his wife, artists of all kinds, someone who looks like Gertrude Stein and a non-English-speaking Orthodox Lithuanian bishop. Upon realizing that Patrick is her nephew, Mame invites him to join the party and he hungrily eats caviar, which he calls "fishberry jam." Afterward, Mame instructs Patrick to write down all the words he heard that he did not understand and promises that she will "open doors" that he "never dreamed existed." Two weeks and thirteen cocktail parties later, Norah and Patrick have settled into the eccentric household with Mame's houseboy, Ito, her best friend, actress Vera Charles, who sleeps off hangovers in one of Mame's extra rooms, and Mame's boyfriend, publisher Lindsay Woolsey, who also visits frequently. When Babcock arrives to check on Patrick, the well-mannered boy skillfully mixes him a martini. Babcock wants to enroll Patrick in an "exclusive and restricted" boys' school and Mame pretends to agree. Later, when Babcock learns that Patrick is enrolled at Acacius Page's experimental school in Greenwich Village, he insists on sending the boy to a boarding school, breaking the hearts of both Mame and Patrick, who have grown close. In the stock market crash of 1929, Mame loses her fortune and then breaks off with Lindsay, because she refuses to marry for security. Needing a job, she takes a small role in Vera's new play, but, unable to be inconspicuous in her tiny role, Mame ad-libs, jangles her jewelry and catches her bracelets on Vera's costume during the play's New Haven tryouts, turning the drama into comedy. Only Patrick is impressed with her performance and she is soon looking for another job. After failing as a switchboard operator, Mame takes a job as a sales clerk at Macy's department store during the pre-Christmas season. That job, too, is short-lived, because Mame can only write sales slips that are "Cash On Delivery." With no money coming in, Mame's close-knit household struggles to have a meaningful, if meager, Christmas. Norah, who finds Mame "odd, but lovin'", and Ito have stayed on without being paid and settle the butcher's bill with their own savings as a Christmas present. Soon after, oil millionaire Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside knocks on the door, after having seen Mame at Macy's and consequently searching the city for her. He invites them out to dinner, and later, to his Georgia plantation. Although Beauregard is captivated by Mame, his family is not, and Sally Cato McDougal, a neighbor who has failed to capture Beauregard's heart, tries to sabotage their blooming relationship. When Mame, to please Beauregard, claims untruthfully that she can ride a horse, Sally arranges a foxhunt and gives Mame an untrainable horse to ride. Although Mame has difficulty controlling the horse, at the end of the hunt, she is holding the exhausted fox and the impressed Beauregard proposes to her in front of everyone. For their honeymoon, the newlyweds embark on an extended world tour, and Patrick, now a university student, joins them during holidays. While skiing the Matterhorn, Beauregard, who is a camera buff, falls over a cliff to his death while taking a picture and the grieving Mame continues traveling alone, revisiting the places she and Beauregard had been. When she eventually returns to Beekman Place, Patrick, believing Mame needs a project, has arranged for her to write her memoirs, which Lindsay will publish. To assist Mame, Patrick hires a stenographer, timid and frumpy Agnes Gooch, to take dictation and an Irish poet, Brian O'Bannion, to serve as her editor. For the next few months, Mame dictates to Agnes, and O'Bannion lives well and does little. Unexpectedly one day, Patrick arrives, wanting Mame to meet his girl friend, Gloria Upson. Claiming that Gloria is from "good conservative stock," Patrick admits that he is ashamed of Mame's "peculiarities" and begs her to act normal when Gloria visits. Sadly, Mame realizes that Patrick has become a product of Babcock's choice of schooling: "beastly," "bourgeois" and a "snob." Although Patrick has embraced the opposite of everything she believes in, Mame loves him deeply and says she will do anything for him. As Patrick is to arrive with Gloria within the hour, Mame breaks a date to attend a party with O'Bannion and dresses up Agnes to escort him. To calm Agnes, Mame gives her a whiskey, which the frightened woman is unused to drinking, and, for courage, tells her the motto by which she lives: "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death." When Patrick and the spoiled and shallow Gloria arrive, they tell Mame that they are already engaged. Agnes returns the next day, alone and remembering little of her adventure. Soon, Mame journeys to Connecticut to meet Gloria's family, the bigoted and gauche Claude and Doris Upson. The Upsons have planned the children's wedding, decided on Patrick's career and even ask Mame to pay for half of the cost of property adjacent to theirs for a wedding present. Mame learns that the Upsons have a double motive for choosing that particular wedding gift, as they wish to prevent a Jewish man from buying the property and moving into the neighborhood. While secretly abhorring the Upsons, Mame offers to have them come to Beekman Place for an "intimate family dinner" in the near future. A few months later, final preparations are being made for the dinner. Patrick is horrified to find Agnes several months pregnant by O'Bannion, who has not been seen since the night of the party. Patrick insists that she must go upstairs when the Upsons arrive. Upon meeting Mame's new secretary, Pegeen Ryan, who is hanging an odd-looking sculpture in Mame's newly redecorated foyer, Patrick jokes and temporarily regains his former, unpretentious charm. When Gloria, the Upsons and Babcock arrive, Mame directs them to sit in her new, avant-garde seating area that can be raised and lowered by the push of a button. For hors d'oeurves, she serves pickled rattlesnake and a flaming beverage in a martini glass, bewildering her guests as to how to drink it. Agnes waddles down to take a calcium pill, and then cries when Doris asks about her "husband." After Acacius, Vera and Lindsay arrive, Mame passes out chapters from the galleys of her book for all to read. At first Patrick is embarrassed, but soon begins to reminisce. Mistaking Pegeen for Patrick's intended, Vera toasts them. Gloria, wanting attention, tells a meaningless story that embarrasses everyone but her parents. The Upsons are shocked when Vera points out that Mame's book will be the "raciest" of the year, but are even more scandalized when they learn that Agnes is unwed. When a telegram from O'Bannion arrives, demanding money and claiming that he and Agnes are married, Mame congratulates the relieved Agnes. Offended, Gloria expresses her disapproval of Patrick's family and after Patrick calls her selfish and empty headed, she breaks off their engagement. Mame then announces that she is donating money to build a home for refugee children on the lot next to the Upsons'. Infuriated, the Upsons inadvertently cause their seats to elevate, and after disentangling themselves, leave in a huff. Babcock berates Mame for ruining his carefully laid plans for Patrick, but Mame says she could not watch her nephew be "shut in a safe-deposit box." Patrick simply thanks her and, years later, watches with his wife Pegeen as Mame lures their entranced son Michael through "open doors" he "never dreamed existed."
Publisher George Caldwell boards the Silver Streak, a train traveling from Los Angeles, California, to Chicago, Illinois, and looks forward to a restful journey. When Ralston, a porter, shows George to his compartment, the door to the adjoining room opens accidentally, revealing fellow passenger Hilly Burns in her underwear. As Ralston leaves, he tells George not to expect any excitement for the next two days. George visits the club car, where he meets vitamin salesman Bob Sweet, who describes the train as "a cathouse on wheels," full of eager women looking for companionship. When Sweet attempts to demonstrate his point with Hilly, she pours a drink down his pants. Later, in the dining car, Hilly asks to join George at his table, where they discuss the purposes for their trip: George, a publisher of instructional books, is going to his sister's wedding, and Hilly is the personal secretary to Prof. Arthur Schreiner, who is to introduce his definitive tome on Rembrandt at the Art Institute of Chicago. Hilly's attraction to George is immediate, and after sharing a bottle of champagne and ordering two more, they retire to their adjoining compartments, which become one large room with the removal of a partition. Their lovemaking is interrupted when George sees a dead man dangling upside down outside the window, though Hilly believes George is hallucinating from too much champagne. George awakens early the next morning and peruses a copy of Schreiner's book, given to Hilly for safekeeping. A manila envelope falls from it, which George replaces before noticing that the author's photograph on the book jacket and the dead man are identical. George wakes Hilly with his revelation, but she sleepily insists that he imagined the corpse, and suggests that he visit the professor's compartment as proof. When George reaches the compartment, it is being ransacked by an ill-tempered man named Mr. Whiney and a metal-toothed giant named Reace; Schreiner is nowhere in sight. After Whiney and George exchange threats, Reace throws George from the train. George comes upon a small farm run by Rita Babtree, who listens to his story and offers to take him into the nearby town of Staveley, New Mexico, if he milks her cow. Rita flies George to Staveley in her biplane and he secretly boards the train when it passes through town. George enters the dining car and is devastated at the sight of Hilly with another man. As George turns to leave, Bob Sweet invites him to lunch, and identifies Hilly's companion as Roger Devereau, a renowned expert in fine art. When Devereau and Hilly leave the car, George follows her into her compartment. Hilly is happy to see him, expressing her concern over his disappearance. As George warns Hilly of the danger she could be facing, Devereaux enters and apologizes on behalf of Reace. Devereaux explains that Reace and Whiney are in his employ and were simply looking for some papers that Schreiner had misplaced when George walked in on them. When George asserts that he saw Schreiner's body the previous night, the professor appears. George is embarrassed and apologizes for meddling, promising Devereaux that he will mind his own business for the remainder of the trip. Hilly asks George to join them for dinner, but George declines and heads to the club car. In George's absence, Devereaux slaps Hilly across the face, eliciting a chuckle from Whiney. Later, Sweet finds George in the club car drinking heavily, and questions George on his disappearance. Sweet reveals himself to be a federal agent named Bob Stevens, who has been trailing Devereau for more than two years. According to Sweet, Schreiner was murdered because his Rembrandt biography contains information that would ruin Devereau. Also, Whiney and Reace were searching the professor's compartment for several letters, written by Rembrandt, proving that two paintings authenticated by Devereau were forgeries. Remembering the manila envelope, George takes Sweet to Hilly's compartment, where they find the Rembrandt papers inside Schreiner's book. Sweet believes that Hilly will be killed when they reach Chicago, so he instructs George to take her off the train at the next station. As the train passes through a tunnel, a shot is heard in the dark, leaving Sweet on the floor, dying. He gives his gun to George, whom he suspects was the intended target. Ralston enters to see George holding a gun over Sweet's body and runs into the corridor proclaiming that a killer is on board. George runs after Ralston protesting his innocence, and is seen by Reace, who chases him into the baggage car and onto the roof. Along the way, George loses his gun but finds a spear gun, which he uses to kill Reace before falling from the train. In the next town, Sheriff Oliver Chauncey attempts to arrest George, who in turn steals Chauncey's gun and police car. George is aided in his escape by Grover Muldoon, an African American thief hiding in the back seat. They elude the police and cross the state line. George and Grover arrive at a Kansas City, Missouri, train station to find police stationed throughout and newspaper headlines accusing George of Sweet's murder. Grover uses shoe polish to disguise George as an African American, and they board the Silver Streak without interference. While Grover searches for a porter's uniform, George removes his disguise and enters Hilly's compartment, where he is clubbed from behind. George awakens in a dining car with Devereau and Hilly. Devereau now has the Rembrandt letters, and he plans to kill George and Hilly in a staged murder-suicide, leaving evidence that they killed Schreiner. Grover enters dressed as a waiter and holds Devereau at gunpoint. The group goes to the baggage car to retrieve the letters from Devereau's safe, but Johnson, Schreiner's double, comes to his employer's defense, forcing George and Grover to jump off the train. Hilly is held prisoner while Whiney and Johnson disconnect all of the emergency brakes on the train, ensuring that Devereau reaches his rendezvous with a helicopter in Rockdale, Illinois, on time. Meanwhile, George and Grover are arrested by a police officer, who takes them to the makeshift headquarters of federal agents on the Devereau case. After George informs the agents of Devereau's plans, the chief arranges to stop the train at Harris Mill Junction, Illinois, evacuate the passengers and crew, and arrest Devereau. George leaves with the agents, while Grover returns to Kansas City. When the train stops, Devereau and his men plot to commandeer the engine, but are interrupted by Ralston, whom they pistol-whip. As the train empties, the agents fire on the criminals, and Whiney is shot. Grover reappears, and he and George board the train to rescue Hilly. After Devereau orders the engineer to start the train, the gunfight continues as agents in helicopters give chase. On board, George kills Johnson; Devereau kills the engineer for trying to escape, and weights the throttle with a toolbox. A bullet wound from the chief disables Devereau, who is unable to save himself before he is beheaded by an oncoming train. The chief radios Union Station in Chicago, Illinois, to report that a runaway train is coming, but a skeptical assistant controller delays efforts to avoid disaster. Meanwhile, George disconnects a rear car from the train, and he, Grover, Hilly and Ralston jump to safety on it. Warnings are broadcast throughout the station to evacuate, moments before the train crashes through the gate and into the lobby, while the car containing George, Hilly, Grover and Ralston rolls into the rail yard. As a crowd gathers around the wreckage, Grover steals a car in the lobby display and bids George and Hilly farewell. The couple leaves the station to find a park.
In Los Angeles, Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy arrive late at their Sons of the Desert lodge meeting, but join with the others in taking an oath to attend the national convention in Chicago the next week. Stan is afraid that his wife Betty will not allow him to go, so on the way home, Ollie advises him to tell her that he is going rather than ask her permission, as Ollie intends to do with his wife Lottie. Once home, however, Lottie forbids Ollie to go, and when he protests, she throws a couple of vases at him. A few days later, Ollie pretends to be horribly ill, and Stan brings in Dr. Horace Meddick, a veterinarian whom the boys have bribed to tell Lottie that Ollie must go on an ocean voyage to Honolulu in order to recover. Lottie detests the ocean, and so Stan volunteers to accompany Ollie on their "ocean voyage," which is actually a trip to the convention. At the convention, the boys are having a swell time with a practical joker named Charley, who tells them that he has a sister in Los Angeles. As a gag Charley calls his sister and has her speak to Ollie, who realizes that the sister is none other than his wife Lottie, and Charley is therefore his long-lost brother-in-law. In Los Angeles the next day, Lottie and Betty discover that the ocean liner their husbands are supposedly on has sunk, and that the survivors are due to arrive in thirty-six hours. While the girls are at the liner's office trying to find out the names of the survivors, Stan and Ollie arrive home. They see the newspaper headlines about the ship sinking and panic when they hear the girls returning. They run up to the attic and decide to stay there until the next morning when the girls go out and they can climb down. Unknown to the boys, however, Lottie and Betty go to the movies to distract themselves, and while there they see a newsreel of the convention parade, prominently featuring Stan and Ollie. A terrible storm rages as the girls return home and argue about which of their husbands will confess the truth. Up in the attic, lightning strikes the bedsprings the boys are sleeping on, and when the girls hear their anguished cries, Betty gets her gun. When Stan and Ollie hear the girls coming into the attic, they climb on to the roof in the pouring rain. After they slide down the drain pipe, a passing policeman catches them and takes them to Ollie's house to verify that he lives there. Betty and Lottie agree to hear their stories, and Ollie begins a wild tale about being on the sinking ocean liner and "ship-hiking" their way back to land. Betty asks Stan if he and Ollie are telling the truth, and poor Stan, unable to stand the strain of lying, confesses all. Betty takes Stan home, and while she pampers him for being honest, Lottie pelts Ollie with crockery for lying.
Annie Savoy attends a minor league baseball game in her hometown of Durham, North Carolina. Annie, who sleeps with a different player on the Durham Bulls team every year, swears by her ability to improve a player's performance by making love to him for the duration of the season. As the game is about to start, head coach Joe "Skip" Riggins finds new pitcher Ebby Calvin LaLoosh having sex with a local girl named Millie in the locker room. Skip berates Ebby, reminding him that he is about to make his professional debut. In the stands, Millie informs Annie that Ebby's lovemaking is like his pitching, "sort of all over the place." After the game, veteran player Crash Davis arrives and Skip offers to hire him as the new catcher, hoping Crash will mentor Ebby. Although Crash feels he is too old for the sport, he accepts. Later, the team unwinds at a local bar where Crash flirts with Annie but says he does not dance. Ebby interrupts to thank Annie for a note she sent him during the game, and the two men fight over her. Taking their quarrel outside, Crash challenges Ebby to throw a baseball at his body, but Ebby misses. Humiliated, Ebby charges at him, but Crash punches Ebby, then introduces himself as the new catcher. Annie invites both men to accompany her back home, where she informs them of her habit of sleeping with a new player each season. Although she announces that Crash and Ebby are her top contenders, Crash turns her down, offended. Puzzled by his rejection, Annie returns to Ebby, who allows her to tie him to the bed but becomes disappointed when she remains clothed and reads aloud from Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass. Although they do not sleep together that night, Annie and Ebby become a couple and she nicknames him "Nuke," a name the other players embrace. Crash continues to clash with Nuke and warns him that his slovenly ways will never get him into the major leagues, which Crash refers to as "the show." During his first game for the Bulls, Crash strikes out, distracted by thoughts of Annie. She sends him a note with a suggestion about his form and offers to work with him. The two go to a batting cage, where Annie admits she looked up Crash's record and discovered he is twenty homeruns away from setting a minor league record. Ignoring her encouragement, Crash suggests they make love, but Annie says she is monogamous during the baseball season. Later, Annie accidentally calls Nuke "Crash" during sex. At the next game, Nuke rejects Crash's signals for pitches, and Crash retaliates by alerting a hitter he is about to throw a fastball. The player hits a homerun off the pitch, and Nuke learns his lesson, following Crash's signals for the rest of the game. Under Crash's direction, Nuke's pitching improves but remains inconsistent. As the team leaves town for a series of away games, Annie gives Nuke a garter belt as a parting gift and urges him to wear it under his uniform, promising the lingerie will put him in a different state of mind. On the team bus, Crash reveals he played in the major leagues for twenty-one days and suggests Nuke lacks the passion required to succeed in "the show." The Bulls begin a losing streak on the road, but Crash hits well. When they return to Durham, Crash watches jealously as Annie greets Nuke at the bus. Suiting up for another game, Crash catches Nuke putting on Annie's garter belt in the locker room. Embarrassed, Nuke explains Annie's theory that the garter belt will keep his brain off-center, and also reveals that she ordered him to follow Crash's signals. Although the first inning is rocky, Nuke's pitching improves, and Crash hits a homerun. Later in the game, Crash instructs Nuke to throw a pitch at the mascot, and the wild ball successfully confuses the hitter, who strikes out afterward. The Bulls begin a winning streak, and Nuke frustrates Annie by swearing off sex as long as they continue to win. With Annie suffering from lack of sex, the team reaches a tie for first in the minor leagues. Nuke reveals to Crash that he is rechanneling his sexual energy, and Crash encourages him to remain celibate. Nuke relays Crash's advice to Annie, who goes to Crash's apartment and berates him for interrupting her sex life. While arguing, Annie is overcome with passion and declares that she wants Crash. He rejects her playfully and she announces this is the strangest baseball season of her life. When the team finally loses a game, Nuke brings his father to meet Annie at her house. They are interrupted by a phone call from Skip Riggins, who reports that a major league team wants Nuke, and he must leave the next morning. Elated, Nuke shares a heartfelt goodbye with Annie and returns her garter belt. Later that night, Nuke finds Crash drunk at a pool hall and tells him the good news. Complaining that Nuke is not worthy of his talent, Crash provokes a fight, but Nuke punches him cold. The next day, Crash enters the locker room with a black eye to reconcile with Nuke before he leaves, encouraging the pitcher to remain cocky despite the difficult hitters he will be up against. After the next Bulls game, Skip tells Crash that the manager wants to replace him with a young catcher now that Nuke is gone. Dejected, Crash goes to Annie's house and she offers him a drink, knowing that he has been let go. The two share a passionate night of lovemaking, but Crash leaves early in the morning and Annie finds a note that he has left town to play for another team. Soon after, Crash breaks the minor league record for homeruns; although Annie takes notice, the accomplishment does not make sports news. One day, Annie comes home from a rained out game to find Crash, who quit his team after setting the record. Annie informs him that she has decided to quit "boys," and Crash tells her he might take a manager position next season. When Annie excitedly rambles about Crash's abilities, he begs her not to intellectualize and leads her inside to dance.
Despite his recent ascension to the throne via his massacre of the royal family, the crown of the tyrannical King Roderick of England weighs heavy, as rumors persist throughout his kingdom that a true heir to his title lives, a male infant who bears the royal birthmark, that of a purple pimpernel. Roderick's fears are well-founded, as one of his spies informs the king that such a child does exist and is being cared for in the hidden forest lair of the masked thief known as The Black Fox. Despite the objections of his top advisor, Sir Ravenhurst, Roderick hopes to secure his crown by making a marriage alliance between himself and a powerful Northern knight, Sir Griswold. Princess Gwendolyn, the king's daughter, rejects such an arranged marriage, proclaiming that she will only marry for love, as prophesied by the witch Griselda. Meanwhile, back in his forest hideout, The Black Fox is warned that the king's soldiers are nearby, so he orders Hubert Hawkins, an ex- carnival performer, and the maid Jean, a captain in the Fox's army, to transport the child king to an abbey in Dover. Disguised as a deaf old man and his mute granddaughter, Hawkins and Jean manage to safely elude the king's men. Later, they are forced to seek shelter from a sudden rainstorm in a woodsman's hut, where Hawkins and Jean proclaim their love for each other. Their romantic interlude is interrupted, however, by the arrival of Giacomo, "King of Jesters and Jester of Kings." After subduing the jester, Hawkins assumes Giacomo's identity in order to gain access to Roderick's court, unaware that he is impersonating a deadly assassin hired by Ravenhurst to kill his rivals. Matters are further complicated when Hawkins mistakes the evil Ravenhurst for an agent of the Fox, and Griselda, fearful for her life if her mistress Gwendolyn is forced to marry Griswold, hypnotizes Hawkins into believing he is a dashing swashbuckler and orders him to woo the love-sick princess. Meanwhile, Jean and the infant king, who is hidden in a wine casket, are captured by Roderick's men, who have been ordered to search the countryside for beautiful wenches meant to provide "entertainment" at a royal banquet in Griswold's honor. That night, Griselda poisons Sir Brockhurst, Sir Finsdale and Sir Pertwee after the three pledge their lives to the consummation of Gwendolyn and Griswold's marriage, though Ravenhurst mistakenly credits Hawkins with their deaths. Soon thereafter, Gwendolyn publicly proclaims her love for the jester, so the insulted Griswold challenges Hawkins to a duel. In order to meet the rules of chivalry, the commoner Hawkins is then rushed through the sacramental rights of knighthood. Meanwhile, Jean procures from the lecherous Roderick the key to a secret passageway into the castle, and sends it by messenger pigeon to the Black Fox, requesting that he fight in Hawkins' place. A cave-in makes the hidden tunnel seemingly impassable, however, so Hawkins is forced to face Griswold in mortal combat. Though Griselda's attempt to poison the Northern knight fails, Hawkins manages to best Griswold after his armor is magnetized by lightning. Before the victorious Hawkins can claim Gwendolyn as his prize, however, Ravenhurst accuses him of being the Black Fox. Tried before the royal court, Hawkins and Jean are saved from execution when the real Black Fox infiltrates the castle with the help of Hawkins' midget friends. During the ensuing battle, Hawkins slips in and out of Griselda's spell long enough to defeat Ravenhurt in a sword fight. With Roderick's forces now vanquished, the infant king is placed on the thrown of England, and Sir Hawkins' is rewarded with the hand of Jean.
Eccentric maladroit Prof. Julius Kelp often gets into trouble with the dean of the large university where he teaches chemistry because his experiments frequently result in the demolition of his laboratory. Wishing to impress Stella Purdy, a beautiful student sympathetic to his difficulties, Kelp tries gym exercises and chemical formulas to improve his appearance. He stumbles on to a mixture that transforms him into singer Buddy Love, a swaggering, handsome bully; and in that personality, he tries to make love to Stella, who is alternately repelled and fascinated. Whenever the effect of the potion wears off, however, he must dash to his laboratory lest he change back to Professor Kelp. At the senior prom, where Kelp is ordered to act as chaperon and is also slated to appear as Buddy Love, the formula wears off during Buddy's number, and his personality reverts to that of the professor. Stella realizes that Buddy is really Professor Kelp and confesses that she has always preferred the quiet, sensitive professor to brash Buddy Love. The two make plans to be married.
In 1965, President Lyndon B. Johnson increases U.S. military forces in the Vietnam War. Airman Adrian Cronauer is transferred from Crete to Saigon, Vietnam, to be a disc jockey for Armed Forces Radio Saigon. Arriving at the airbase, Cronauer is met by Private First Class Edward Garlick, who works as an aide at the radio station. Garlick introduces the new deejay to his superiors, Lieutenant Steven Hauk, Sergeant Major Dickerson, and General Taylor, a fan of Cronauer's humorous radio show in Crete. The surly Sgt. Maj. Dickerson reprimands Cronauer for not being in uniform, and warns him not to misbehave. Cronauer begins his first show by bellowing, "Good morning, Vietnam!" – a greeting that becomes his trademark. He pretends to interview servicemen in the field, shifting rapidly between characters, and plays rock n' roll records that Lt. Steven Hauk frowns upon. After the show, Hauk warns Cronauer not to make fun of the weather, and suggests that he stick to "normal modes of music" from the likes of Lawrence Welk, Andy Williams, and Frank Sinatra. Cronauer ignores Hauk's orders and stays true to his broadcasting style. While drinking at Jimmy Wah's, a G.I. bar in town, Cronauer notices a beautiful young woman on the street and follows her to her English class, taught by an American serviceman. Cronauer bribes the man to let him teach, instead. He employs his comedy routine to teach the students English slang. When class is over, he tries to talk to the young woman, whose name is Trinh, but her younger brother, Tuan, stops him. Tuan believes that American men cannot be trusted with Vietnamese women. Cronauer befriends the boy, and takes him to Jimmy Wah's, where they join Garlick, and Radio Saigon deejays Marty Lee Dreiwitz, Dan "The Man" Levitan, and Phil McPherson. The men notice attractive Vietnamese women flirting with two sergeants at the bar. Cronauer lures the women to their table, and the sergeants confront him and Tuan. They refer to Tuan as a "gook" and demand that he leave. Cronauer comes to Tuan's defense and incites a brawl. Dickerson reprimands him for the incident, and threatens to reassign him. Over time, Cronauer becomes frustrated with the radio station censors, who determine what news is acceptable for broadcast, and generally forbid anything having to do with the war. He continues to teach Trinh's English class, and she finally agrees to a date. However, they are accompanied by ten of her family members. Cronauer acknowledges Trinh's reticence, and promises he has no expectations for their relationship. Former Vice President Richard Nixon visits Vietnam, and gives a speech in which he states confidently that the Viet Cong will be defeated. A recording of the speech is to be aired on Radio Saigon. Cronauer sabotages it by inserting his voice as if he interviewed Nixon, making jokes about Nixon's sex life and marijuana use. Hauk panics when he hears the broadcast. He wants to fire Cronauer, but Gen. Taylor forbids him, arguing that he is their first deejay to receive fan mail. Later, Tuan finds the deejay at Jimmy Wah's, and insists Trinh wants to see him that instant. The boy lures him out of the bar seconds before it is blown up. In the aftermath, Tuan disappears. At the radio station, Sgt. Maj. Dickerson forbids Cronauer from reporting the blast, but the deejay ignores him and mentions it anyway. Dickerson demands that he be punished, and Taylor agrees to suspend him. Lt. Hauk takes over Cronauer's slot. He makes bad jokes and plays polka records, eliciting a flood of complaints from servicemen who want Cronauer reinstated. Meanwhile, Tuan brings Cronauer to his village, where they observe Buddhists praying for enlightenment. Trinh pulls him aside to tell him they have no future together, and cannot be friends. Later, Garlick finds Cronauer at a restaurant with Tuan, and tells him he has his job back. Cronauer refuses to go, and asks Garlick to drive him to his English class, instead. On the way there, stuck in traffic, they find themselves surrounded by soldiers in trucks. Garlick announces that Cronauer is with him, and the soldiers cajole him into an impromptu live broadcast. Reminded that his purpose is to entertain troops whose lives are in danger, Cronauer returns to work. He asks to interview soldiers in the field, stationed in An Lac. Dickerson learns that the road to An Lac is under Viet Cong control, but conceals that fact. He approves the trip, knowingly endangering Cronauer and Garlick, who drive over a land mine in Viet Cong territory. Tuan gets word that Cronauer is in trouble and goes to rescue him. When he is safely returned to the radio station, Dickerson informs him that Tuan is a Viet Cong operative, and orders Cronauer honorably discharged. In town, Cronauer finds Tuan and accuses him of being "the enemy." Tuan insists that the U.S. is the real enemy, and is brought to tears as he reveals that his mother and brother were killed by American soldiers. The next morning, Garlick escorts Cronauer to the air base. On the way, the deejay asks to stop in town. He gathers his English students and organizes a game of baseball, using sticks for bats and pieces of fruit as baseballs. Afterward, he says goodbye to Trinh, who thanks him for his kindness. Before he boards the airplane, Cronauer gives Garlick a farewell tape to air on Radio Saigon. Garlick takes over Cronauer's slot, and plays the tape as his first broadcast. It begins with the beloved deejay bellowing, "Goodbye, Vietnam!" He performs a fake interview with one of his characters, "Mr. Leo," to tell the American troops that he is headed home.
AFI is a 501c3 non-profit advancing the art of the moving image by empowering storytellers and inspiring audiences
SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER
Terry Bradshaw Did Not Hold Back When Sharing His Thoughts on Kareem Hunt
Source: https://www.afi.com/afis-100-years-100-laughs/
0 Response to "Terry Bradshaw Did Not Hold Back When Sharing His Thoughts on Kareem Hunt"
إرسال تعليق